My husband and i have been married for 7.5 years and we are currently seperated. The rest of the family and friends that i have think that i am doing the right thing. In my head I know that I am doing the right thing, but in my heart i feel like I am dying. all the people that i have talked to said that i could do better and find another man that could take care of me and that would be better for me. But i think that i have found that man the only thing is all of them say that i love him a hell of alot more then he likes me. he is not making an effort to meet any of the goals that he needs to aquire before i let him back in. I think that you should know that when he needs something like money or food or sex that he knows who to call. but he never calls just to talk. I find that he is very nice to me and wants to spend time with me when he knows that i am about to get money. i think that i should tell you that we split because of drugs and the company that he was keeping.
2007-03-10 10:53:03 · 14 answers · asked by fazugosgirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tyler Perry also has one "Madia Goes To Jail". A scene says something to the effect that God sends people in our lives, sometimes he sends people that should only be there a season so we can learn about ourselves, but we want to hold onto them and end up with them for a lifetime which was not Gods intent. In the end we are hurting ourselves because these people were not ment to stay in our lives that long. You met a seasonal friend and married him. I did too and dealing with the very same issues that you are. When you are not fulfilled you are missing out on life, but you are holding out for hope that this man will wake up. That he will be something to you that he is not able to be. Pot makes my husband so apethetic, he does not care about cultivating relationship. I will say this again, you are holding out for hope, because something inside him is good and the man that he can be is so much greater, but comming to the realization that it is a choice. He choses to not be that person, you can not make him be that person, with drugs he does not want to be that person. You have to understand you can wait a lifetime before he ever initiates change and too he may never. You are scared that if you walk away for good, that he will change soon after and feel that you made a mistake in not supporting him, but the truth is you have to let him go so he can hit rock bottom. If you love him you will no longer communicate with him. Let his company be his keeper and no longer you. You can go on with your life and still love him and want him to change, but you are facilitating by continuing to stand by and be his financial, emotional, and physical needs/wants while in return giving you nothing but a broken heart and your frustration I feel. You know what you need to do regaurdless of friends and family.
2007-03-10 11:19:53 · answer #1 · answered by Chrys23 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The reason you are "confused," is because you're having unrealistic expectations of the relationship. Plain and simple. Your expectations are getting confused with reality. (unrealistic expectations and denial by both parties are really the bread and butter of adulterous relationships....) I can't tell you whether or not what you did was wrong, that's something you need to decide, whichever way if you want to change your behavior. I just want to you to get your expectations straight. Statistically, it's exceptionally rare that a married man will leave his wife for his mistress; perhaps 3%, (said a study of professional men by Dr. Jan Halper.) Of those that do end up marrying their former mistresses, the divorce rate is exceptionally high, more than 75% end up divorcing. The reason for the latter, I believe, has to do with the same kinds of unrealistic expectations that fueled the affair in the first place. Also, having an affair in the past has been shown to increase the likelihood of having an affair in the future. In other words, if he cheated to be with you, odds are good he'll cheat again. (In fairness though, I don't think the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is necessarily true. ) As for the relationship being worth the pain and heartbreak; that's a question which, again, only you can answer....Perhaps on the surface you enjoy the thrill of a secret romance, you enjoy the attention and affection, the occasional company you get from him; you enjoy feeling like you're powerful and important? Maybe you feel your life is boring and you like the drama, or enjoy pursuing him and being pursued? I suppose there is nothing right or wrong about these aspects of the relationship; this is human nature. If these are the things you value from him, then I suppose the relationship IS worth it, as long as you don't try to dig too deeply. One thing that is definitely NOT worth it, though, is falling in love with a married man. Hope that makes sense.
2016-03-28 23:25:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family and friends are right! You know this man is bad for you and you know why. I'm sure it hurts a lot to have to admit that someone you have loved for so long and invested emotionally into for a long time is not who you need to be with. He is USING you. He is willing to be nice to you when it will get him money. That is not the sign of someone who loves you. He is bad news all the way and you need to get away from him and make a clean start. You will never have a happy life as long as you are in a relationship where there are drugs and unsavory characters hanging around your spouse. You deserve much better and I hope you will go for it before it's too late.
2007-03-10 11:15:41 · answer #3 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him and talk and set some rules. Like no more drugs,sex, money or food until he proves to you that he has changed. You can set a time line and if in that time he has not changed or if he has not even tried then go your own way. And another thing, don`t listen to friends and family about him. You can make up your own mind. GOOD LUCK
2007-03-10 11:08:49 · answer #4 · answered by mammafran77 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hon, he is your husband. You married him ...why?
On your wedding day...what did you promise him? Was to love him for better or worse? In sickness and in health?
Don't let him back in your life until he gets well. (Drugs is a sickness) You can love him but don't let him run you over , understand???
Take this time to focus on you. Do things to make you feel good about yourself! and let him hit rock bottom so he can get his life back on the right road.
If you to a friend...I'm here ok?
Darva
2007-03-10 11:10:06 · answer #5 · answered by Darva 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had thought I was going to answer this question telling you to follow your heart.
But after reading all of it, I am in no doubt that your husband is now using you and I honestly do not think you have a chance to be happy with him.
It is probably not what you want to hear but I think you need to kick him into touch and move on.
2007-03-10 10:59:23 · answer #6 · answered by barneysmommy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love is a two way street.Be careful not to get involved with a man that may only love you for your money.When the money runs out so does the
man.
2007-03-10 11:11:31 · answer #7 · answered by sharen d 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similiar situationbut, word of advice....follow your heart , only you know who he really is and everyone else will always try to put their 2 cents in.....follow your heart and dont let anyone else tell you better,in the end you are the one that will have to deal with the decisions you make. best of luck to you , hope it works out!
2007-03-10 11:05:42 · answer #8 · answered by SPANISHFLY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hearts can be misled and lied to, but heads tend to see through the crap to the truth. We all want to be loved, to have that special someone we are attached to and feel drawn to, and sometimes we are willing to tolerate things that we shouldn't be tolerating to get that. You must believe love can exist for you with someone new, someone who will treat you better. Take care.
2007-03-10 11:04:32 · answer #9 · answered by Paul 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget about him, come see me....if you are willing to support a man, buy him toys, take care of him, give him sex, make his life great, then by all means, come to me....I will treat you nice all the time, not just when I want something. I just need to know how much you make, because you don't sound very smart to me...and I am expensive to keep. If you are as dumb as this question makes you sound, then a job at McDonald's is not gonna get it.
2007-03-10 11:01:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋