I need some insight on my life-situation. Please read my question before answering.?

Question

I have been a professional model for many years and currently work in Manhattan. Lately my job is not going aswell as it used to because my new agent sucks. My husband finished medical school and was supposed to start his residency this July, but he failed his boards twice and therefore will not be able to practice medicine until next July. He is originally from Ohio, and his parents had the "brilliant" idea for us to move to Cleveland Ohio, so that he could work for his father as an assistant (his dad is a doctor) and for me to work as a model in Cleveland. I have traveled allover the world and worked in pretty much all major cities, and I have to say, I don't like Ohio very much. My husbands parents said that they will not support him as much anymore and we are now forced to move out of Manhattan. They also use the excuse of my job not going so well, to move to Ohio, or New Jersey. I am getting really annoyed at the fact that my husband still depends so much on his parents, and that

out of the blue they "suggested" for us to move to Cleveland. What would you do if you were in my situation?

Answer 1

Suck it up and get a job.

Answer 2

I don't like the idea that your husband wants to move back to Cleveland to be with Mommy and Daddy, and Daddy is offering him a carrot to keep control so that he will continue to be dependant on them. Your husband should definitely weigh your feelings very seriously before a decision is made. What I think you should do is move out of Manhattan but move into a more economical neighborhood but still stay in New York. I am an original New Yorker and moved to Long Island many years ago, but I heard that areas of Brownsville, Brooklyn and Williamsburg and other areas that were once slums, have been taken over by upper middle class people, all houses and apartments have been totally refurbished and now these are very desirable neighborhoods for professionals with jobs in Manhattan. Brokers, professional actors, models, artists, writers, doctors and lawyers make up the mix of these neighborhoods. I would definitely check it out with a real estate broker. Your husband should do his residency in a Manhattan or Brooklyn hospital so he should apply at Maimodes Hospital in Brooklyn which is a wonderful hospital, Lenox Hill to name a few. Personally, if you are used to New York, and you are a model, Cleveland will be to you like if someone dropped you off in Siberia, Russia. Don't even consider it. Get yourself a new agent and work from there. A new agent could revitalize your career again. Try a woman agent this time.. I love Manhattan, but only get in about five times a year to see an opera, a play and have dinner. It has become very expensive now. So these are my recommendations. Good Luck to you both.

Answer 3

If you knew the immense stress your husband was under, you would stop thinking about yourself and how this effects you. You do comprehend that if he fails his boards again, that is it...all that school for nothing. If he is lucky he could turn it into a nursing license or something of less prestige. His parents understand the critical juncture he is at (his dad is a doctor) and thinking about the clinical experience that he can obtain by working with his dad, it will help him pass his boards. This is not a selfish move on his part, this is a smart move. If he does fail, would you divorce him? The thought might have crossed his mind that you will accuse him of being a failure and it would not look good for your modeling career to have a husband that failed his medical boards. Think about him and his needs when thinking about your future. He will be a doctor forever, you will not be a model forever. His career is a guarantee, your career is not a guarantee. This man is doing the right thing and if I were you, I would sacrifice and find some gigs elsewhere or fly in for others, letting him know that you are behind him and will do whatever it takes for him to succeed. He in turn will be more likely to support you with a joy full heart when you say, "OK, time to move back and get my career rolling full steam."

Answer 4

I have to say it could be so much worse. I would have a heart to heart with your husband, do you think he failed on purpose? How do you think he feels about all this? The least of his problems is moving outta Manhattan. Look into getting a new agent, if they would help you get more work so that you can support you and your husband, and deal with it. I mean it must suck to be you. Isn't there anything else you can do? If this is the biggest problem that has come up in your life you need to take a look at the big picture. Do you want the both of you to be happy, and deal with this little hiccup, or do you want to throw a temper tandrum and be sad about having to live in Jersey for crying out loud. Things could be soo much worse, be thankful that you guys have someone in your corner who is willing to help you out along the way, and put a roof over your head even if it is in Ohio.

Answer 5

Sounds like your hubby's parents are using their support as a way of controlling his life. If he's finished medical school , then he's a grown up, and it's time to break away from mommy and daddy. Tell them he appreciates the support they've given him, but it's time for him to start supporting himself. Moving to Cleveland to be an assistant to his dad might be financially smart, but it will just put the two of you even more under their control. Do what you have to do as a couple to survive until he passes his boards and the financial situation gets better. Besides, I'm assuming that the modeling business in Cleveland isn't exactly as high-paying or good as NYC. Moving to Jersey wouldn't help much, the rents there aren't exactly cheap, either!! Have you considered moving to one of the other boroughs? This way you're still in NYC, but rent and cost of living would be a lot cheaper.

Answer 6

Don't look like much of a choice there, maybe move to Cleveland till he can get his Exams passed by the boards in July, as for modeling I'm not sure about anything in Ohio for that. As being a resident of Ohio, I like it here better than most other places weather wise that is. as for parents, it is nice to have them around and being able to extend a hand... I would take up on the offer till you hubby can stand his ground.

Answer 7

Whatever you do, please do not move close to his parents. I guarantee you that with his parents getting in the middle, you and your husband will have some serious problems. The both of you need to sit down and discuss what other options there are, so that you can stay in Manhattan and continue your modeling jobs.

P.S. If your husband has problems passing his boards, he may want to consider another career.

Answer 8

well, i think it is a little sad that anybody who is "responsible" enough to get married is still relying on parental support.

if you are going to hate it in ohio, dont move there. i am currently living in a town i hate because my husband was transferred here, and it sucks. i cant wait until we move at the end of the year.

on the other side of it, dont blame his parents. they just want to be closer to their son - which i can understand. but this is a decision you and him need to make together - not one that his parents should be making for you. if there is no other choice than to take this opportunity however - than do it, and know that you dont have to live there for ever. you only have to stay for long enough to be able to get out on your own two feet.

by the way, make him study study study so that he passes his boards next time!

Answer 9

It's about give and take. It sounds like it's your time to give. Let your husband feel like he can help support his family (you) move and let him do his doc thing with his dad for a year. Like you said you've been all over the world. Use a year for some down time in Ohio. You just might find your self!!

Answer 10

Absent any parental assistance, how would you guys survive in NY? If you can survive until he retakes/passes his boards, then stay and free yourself of this "burden." If there are limited survival chances, then the decision has been dictated by reality-- no money = no home= no food = no life!

On the other hand, this may have less to do with him and more with them- it's important for us as parents to tie our children to us via money, in this way we maintain the dependency lost as our children mature.

Finally, is it possible that this "ain't about you," and is more about him. Your anxieties are yours, not his, and your need to be independent of them may be mostly about your needs (e.g.. to see him as strong and viable as opposed to weak and depend ant) alone-- be so very careful here. The things you fight for may, in the end, be relatively meaningless in the big scheme.

By the way, if modeling isn't paying the bills and medicine is still not bringing in the money-- get other jobs to survive. Don't waste time.

Answer 11

From my experience I would say look into the option of moving somewhere else. Some where that you can get more jobs, and he can look there for a job in the meantime. If you move close to IL's that seem to more than willing to "help" a little too much, you'll either end up disliking them (more) or they will end up actually helping you when you need it. Tough call! Good luck!