I've been married for 8 years to my husband and I can't stand him sometimes. Occasionally I still find myself laughing and having fun with him but for the most part I want to run. He wont hear of a divorce since I did bring this up once or twice. How would you handle this.....I feel so confused. Please don't suggest marriage counseling since I've been down this road and he wont hear of this either. He's VERY old school too.
2007-03-10 09:50:50 · 11 answers · asked by sweet 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, hes not your father, so this stuff about him not hearing of it is crap. You are two equal human beings in this marriage....no-one should hold the reigns in any good solid relationship....Old school?....he is just a control freak. If you dont love him, then you are doing both of you a disservice. I bet you have fallen out of love with him because of his controlling ways....His controlling ways have made you fall out of love with him, yet his controlling ways are the reason you are staying in this loveless marriage. There are varying degrees of abuse, and maybe this is a minor form of abuse, but make no mistakes about it, control is a form of abuse...it is a way of belittling a person.....read what you just said...."Please dont suggest marriage counselling since Ive been down this road and he wonhear of this either"....he also wont hear of a divorce.....doesnt that tell you he thinks he has total control of you. He doesnt have the last say...you can walk out of the marriage and there is nothing he can do about it. He is not holding you with chains...maybe emotional blackmail, but there are certainly no chains binding you there.
Your lucky, you are wanting to walk out now after 8 years....there are women who endure the abuser for their entire lives without getting out.....their entire lives have been wasted on a man who owns them mind, body and soul...what kind of life is that? You deserve better....this man is your husband, not your keeper.......you do what will make you happy......you deserve to be happy and what makes you think your husband is more important than you? He was born the same as you and he will die the same as you....he is no better than anyone and certainly doesnt have the right to tell you what will and will not happen.....this is your life too. Get out before its too late....get out before his controlling ways makes you go insane where you think he is right and you are wrong.....you know you are right and he is wrong...dont let his manipulation confuse you any more than it already has.....Gather whatever strength you have left and just leave...dont get into a discussion with him because youve been down that road before and he is telling you what you will and wont do....you will just have to leave and not discuss it with him...maybe write him a note explaining your side of things.....dont give him your new address....not yet anyway, not until you have got your head and your self esteem back again....
You are not going to need luck....all you need is strength and determination and a good healthy love of yourself....I wish you well.
2007-03-10 10:17:40 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Every marriage hits a rough spot or ten. Your feelings change for each other, but it doesn't mean that you don't LOVE each other.
Perhaps you are bored. After eight years with one person, routine has set in, and has a tendency to remind one of their single days.
My husband and I started getting bored last year, and it turned out that it was mainly with our sex lives. We were also in a routine with doing the same thing all day, EVERY day.
Make love in the rain, go to a theme park, TALK to each other like you did when you met, and make it a point to REMEMBER why you fell in love with him in the first place.
Remember how crappy the dating game was, and how happy you were when you realized that you were going to be away from it for good when you got married.
After time, all of these great feelings are replaced with complacency and boredom.
Counseling won't fix this, but if there's any chance of it being worked out, you and your husband CAN.
Remember, when you're seventy, the love you share will not be the same as the love you shared in your twenties, but you will not love each other any less. Those years in between is the time that it takes for those changes to occur.
2007-03-10 10:00:00 · answer #2 · answered by <3 The Pest <3 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
u mean u r no longer having fun with him ? do u really want to walk out that door ? i can just say yeah divorce him but u have to think that ...is he so bad that u r welling to close the door on Ur marriage ? do u think u can find some one better then him ? and try this all over again maybe it will work out maybe it wont ...but think of the good times and how he treats u before u thunk divorce ...
2007-03-10 10:07:28 · answer #3 · answered by amal L 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Old School? ??? Sounds more like kindergarten to me. If he will not compromise, will not move half way to making the marriage work, you have no chance of success...cut your losses and move on with your life. He cannot stop you from getting a divorce. I have no idea What school he thinks he is from, but it matters not in divorce courts. I hope you can stand on your own. If not, move in directions that make you independent of him, and move quickly.
2007-03-10 09:57:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
as the first answerer said, talk through it and see what you get out of it since he doesn't want to her about a divorce or marriage counseling.
2007-03-10 09:59:40 · answer #5 · answered by sasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to figure out what you liked about him before you got married. Picture yourself without him. Do you want to live that sort of life? Or would you want to be with him because you know you still love him deep inside but a little bit.
2007-03-10 09:57:04 · answer #6 · answered by powerdestini 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to plan a long trip. I think some time away together will let you both know what your next step in life will be.
2007-03-10 13:20:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try taking him out to do some of the things u guys did while u were dating. It might spark your love back up again.
2007-03-10 09:54:48 · answer #8 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you only have two choices, stay and find a way to love him again or divorce him
2007-03-10 10:18:12 · answer #9 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So go file for a divorce if you aren't happy! All he can do is contest it!
2007-03-10 10:04:11 · answer #10 · answered by Gerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋