How long does it take to let go of someone you love?

Question

Hello! I posted a question earlier today and just want to say thanx for the responses. I just had my daughter droped off by my ex-wife who like I said cheated with 7 or so people starting 2 months after our marriage. On my B-day last year she asked a old HS classmate of mine out at my party and moved in with him getting pregnant instantly. I also got the guy a job and have to work with him during the week. Knowing the horrible things she did behind my back and the lies you would think I could let go. Its been a year and I still cry when she leaves. I have not devoriced her yet nor let go. Right up till the end through the lies she played the hell out of me promising the life I dreamed with her. She also came back once 3 months ago moving in for 3 days and promising a life changing turnaround. The stress and loss and pain took an enormous emotional toll on me thus creating the depression and anxiety I now deal with. I can't let go I feel like I lost my lover and best friend, feel alone

Answer 1

ok, i totally understand what ur going through.. my x husband cheated on me and left me and our two boys and he was horrible to me the first couple years, and caused alot of pain yet i couldnt let go.. every time i got into a serious relationship with someone i pushed them away in hopes that one day my x would come back and make me "whole" again since i felt so broken inside,.. Untill one day it dawned on me, i dont love the person that he is now, the one that treated me like dirt, crushed my heart, broke up our family, ect.. i was still in love with the man i married, the man i married would of never hurt me, or hurt our kids this way, i was in love with someone HE ONCE WAS, not the person he is now..it was as if i was mourning over a dead husband, not the person he turned out to be.. Do i love him? yes, always will till the day i die, but the man i love no longer exsists on this planet.. instead someone else has replaced him someone that hurt me, hurt our children, our family, and crushed all my faith in men ..he crushed the one and only dream i ever had, ...once i realized this, it wasnt so hard to see him, or talk to him, because at that point he was nothing more then a "business partner" and our "business" was our children together.. and thats all he is to me now, their father.. he too was my best friend, my lover, my world, my everything.. but that person is gone, that person doesnt exsist.. and untill i was able to accept that, i couldnt move on in my life..

Time helps, but untill u learn that the person u really love doesnt exsist for u anymore, u'll never be able to fully move on.. and u should know that, since u tried, and couldnt get over the hurt and pain she's caused.. thats because she's not the same angel u married.. and had a little girl with, she's turned into someone that is cold hearted and ruthless and lacked any care or respect for your feelings , needs and wants.. ur wasting ur love on her, someone that doesnt deserve it, stop and actually give ur love to a girl that not only deserves it, but will earn it by treating u with love, respect and care..

Your x wife is no longer worth the energy, the sadness, the tears.. she doesnt deserve them nor does she care about them.. so stop and find someone that will cry themselves to ever see you cry..

Good luck.. put ur daughter first make her ur main priority, and be happy, the worst thing u can every do to ur x wife, is to be happy and succeed in life, it will eat her up inside..and make her wish she'd never left u..

Answer 2

It will take some time. It took me about 6 months to a year (maybe more for some) mainly because I would see the Ex when he picked up our son and memories just would not go away. But trust me, divorce is like a death, and you have to go through the mourning period. But it will happen and you can once again have a feeling of self-worth and peace of mind.

I can remember even after a 1 1/2 years, I felt jealous when he re-married.

There just comes a time when you have to just let go and realize it is really over.

Answer 3

Did you try to tell her how you feel. I think you should find out why she cheated. Maybe she didn't get something from you that she got from the other guys. Or maybe she just doesn't care for your feelings. I know if it's really over between you guys it will take a while and you'll be hurt but you'll just learn to move on. I would seek a marriage counselor and see if you guys can work things out especially if you have a child together. But If she keeps doing means things to you she 's not going to change. just because you love someone doesn't mean they are right for you. Good luck

Answer 4

You are not alone. It feels that way, I know, but you are not. Know that. The very best thing you can do for yourself now, is say goodbye, not see her again, and give yourself long long long time to recover. This grief is so deep that it needs time to be felt. it is this deep because you love her as deep as that. But if she treats you like dirt and keeps hurting you more and more, you will eventually end up with even more pain than you have now. It feels dark cold and alone, but strength can be found in setting yourself on the track to healing again. You know now that you cannot expect that life changing turnaround and if you are not prepared to keep being hurt like this, you better make sure you get to be on your own and have time to deal with this. It is not easy to take your loss. You may well feel alone for a while longer, but this lady is not ever going to make you feel loved and cared for. She betrays you and leaves you hanging. It is not like she cheated once and asked for fogiveness.... Trust in your own strength and ability to love life again, even without her. Losing both lover and best friend is harsh and if it feels like that, then that is what she does to you. So please... find your own inner strength and give yourself another chance at a better life. You deserve better.

Answer 5

i probably had the best relationship with a guy anyone could have but instead, i moved away:( this was about 2 years ago, and so we still kept in contact and i cried TONS and missed him so much:( i really didnt want to like any other guy cuz then it felt like i was cheating on him uno? so then we started kinda getting serious again recently and its been two years and we were gonna move together soon but then something told me inside that it wasnt right and i needed to go my own way and he wasnt part of it. so what im saying is you never know when you can get over it and love hurts sometimes and i think its best for you to just let him go, tell yourself that its not gonna happen.. unless it is? haha so just make the decision yourself start liking other guys! you can do it:)

Answer 6

than most definetley you still truly love her and nothing can ever take that away-there will always be a part in your heart for her-she also tore open the other part she once had of love and you are tremendously hurting- and knowing nothing you can do to make it right-as time goes by you will feel the pain start diminishing and feeling alive once again-knowing that theire is another out there just dying to get to know you-but as for now you just need to keep reminding yourself of all the awful stuff she put you through-and it's not worth it(the hurting) she is not a very nice person at all!!! you deserve better way better-someone that will love you inreturn as much as you would love them- it may be very dificult for you to see this now but trust me you will one day relize that you waisted such precious time over her- i understand the hurting and nothing can take that away-just time- you need to start hanging with the guys soon again to get your spirits lifted- i hope everything goes well for you- be strong!!!

Answer 7

how long you ask... how long do you plan to live.... it will stay with you forever....

Once you love someone, they are forever a part of you....

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone....

its amazing how hurt you can get from just one person..

I was a fool for thinking that you’re thinking of me.

I like walking in the rain. Cause no one knows I'm crying.

Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow, we must fall in order to know, sometimes our vision clear only after our eyes are washed away with tears.

Life was so much easier when boys and girls had cooties.

Never ever regret something that once made you smile.

Answer 8

The pain will soften at some point. But I am a firm believer that people who have been hurt like this will be blessed with someone truly special. I am still waiting on my truly special. If you would like to get somethings off your chest, shoot me an e-mail [e-mail]. I have big shoulders to cry on.

Answer 9

im the same situation theres not a day i dont cry, over my ex hes bad person...but i love him my family and i gave him everything...everything...we have a little girl and im pregnant with our second child..he left us 6 months ago and has been living with a woman 10 yrs older than him...he started cheating on me when he went to work out of town..i want to stop loving him too but i cant...hes' hurt me so much i dont understand how i still have so much love for him..but when you figure out how to let yours go let me know too..im tired of the crying i feel like im hurting my baby...with all the stress ..

Answer 10

Man did she cut out your balls
suck-it up and be the man time to kick a ss just not hers
maybe that's why she left you in the first place
she may still like you but she needs a real man to take charge
Not crying little boy
their is a time to be caring and a time to step up and say no more!
Sorry to be so hard but you need it.