I am in a relationship which is a 31 age gap. is this right if ur in love?

Question

my lover is 31 years older than me we love each other so much but he has 2 children older than me.and he is splitting with his wife we both want to be with eachother but we find it difficult to tell anyone. we want to be with eachother 24/7. we can only meet in secret but we know we want to be with one another and it will break mine and his heart if we r not together. at the same time we dont want to hurt our families please wat do u think i shud do? do you thing age really matters?

Answer 1

I am in a very similar relationship.

My lover is 30 years older than me, he is the best thing that ever happened to me, I don't know what I'd do without him.

He is married still, but separated. I wonder the same things as you, and I worry a lot. He has three kids, but he says he wants a life with me.

If you love him, stay with him. Love is what life is for. Don't give up.

Answer 2

No one is going to convince you if this is right or not. I think splitting a family is really awful but when you are in love sensibillity goes out the window. How sure are you he is going to split from his wife? DON'T make any firm committment until he does. Right now he is having his cake and eating it. As you must be pretty young he is definitely getting the bargain. Have been where you are in different circumstances and cannot belive what I was willing to do and how it would have hurt and torn my family apart. Thing is 'Forbidden fruit is always the best' Everything when in the position you are is filled with emotion, the saying love is blind is soooooooooo true, your imagination runs riot, your stomach is in a knot, the excitement is overwhelming but in reality ( referring to myself at one time) you are being a real *****. This 'love thing' overtakes your life and you convince yourself it's not selfish breaking up a family etc that you couldn't help falling in love. I don't know which way you will go, in my case the choice was made for me and believe me I was heartbroken and behaved like a child for months, phoning the number, just to hear the familiar voice and putting the phone down etc. On reflection this had made me unstable, although thankfully for a short period. Doing this type of thing was just so alien to the way I would normally behave. Years later loving thoughts were still there. Now a lot of years down the line I don't really know what it was all about. Who am I to say the age gap of 31 yrs will not work but in reality it has little chance? Once the first flourish of love has settled down you are likely to be so bored. Nowadays at 50 people are still young and can do loads. Probably seems a long way off to you but a 50yr old and an 81 yr old? Sorry but you are not thinking straight and for all concerned I really hope you see sense about this. Whatever you decide I wish you all the very best.

Answer 3

To me age doesn't really matter its the maturity in someone. If you think that you guys would not have any problems in the future then go right ahead. I just hope that you aren't the reason that they are breaking up, so that he could be with you. I think that you guys should look at your compatibility to see if you are right for each other and able to adapt if you are on the same page then everything should be fine. Where as you might want to do things that he has already experienced in life and you are now going through the motions he might not want to take part in.
For example did you ask him if he wanted to get married again or even have children? Almost every woman wants these two things just for the feel of it. It is something very important to a woman and its an opportunity that no one should miss out on either. Ask him these things and if he says the right things then hey go right ahead age should not be the reason that you should stop for but compatibility and experiences should be considered.

Answer 4

Yes, how old are you both? 31 years is a hell of a difference. It might not matter SO much now, but what about in 10 or 20 years time?

Anyway, there's the small matter of his family! You know the old saying, "You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs"? Well it's very true. You say you don't want to hurt your families, but what do you expect is going to happen when the s*** hits the fan? You don't say if you're married.

No-one can tell you what to do. Just be aware that you're in for a very rough ride. Hope you think it's worth it!

Answer 5

I think it only matters if you mind being a live in nurse when he turns 85 years old. This to me is a questionable person you are hooking up with. Hmmmm, he's after really young chicks and cheats on his wife. Sounds like a real winner to me. Bet you anything he'll cheat on you too when the honeymoon's over. Sorry if this hurts, but I've seen this type before hon. And if what I just said isn't painful enough I can tell you right now he doesn't care one bit about you. True love flaunts you it doesn't hide you. The reality of this is that you are being used for sex because he's bored with his wife. He wont leave her though I can promise you that...furthernore, this man will be a wet noodle here pretty soon if you know what I mean. It will gross you out with time....case closed

Answer 6

If the woman was older, the age would not matter so much as women live longer and maintain their youth longer, but what the hell do you want an old geezer for, when you can have an attractive young man to grow old with. My boy friend is seven years younger than me, and he looks and seems older, so what has made you interested in a man who is older enough to be your father? you will not be able do have children with him as men also have a biological clock and are likely to produce children with autism, dwarfism and even down syndrome as they get older, if he can still have children, as these problems go up with a man's age, only downs syndrome is related to older women, so older men are more risky.
Also don't you think you are being unfair to his wife, you will be older one day so respect older people if you want to be respected. Like him as a friend, but don't make it sexual. Don't you think people will think of him as a dirty old man, he is most probably going through the male menopause, this is when men are unable to see how old and stupid they look with a younger woman. I am not sure how old you are but there is more men world wide until about 50 years of age in most societies and there is more women over 50 years of age in most societies, so go where the surplus is and for a woman who wants a man it under 50 years old, and for men the surplus of women in most societies is over 50 years of age.
Is this man rich is this what has attracted him to you? or is it because you are without a father and you are looking for a father figure? they say these are two reasons why women go for older men, one is financial and the other is for security. I personally would rather have an attractive young man that I could share all my life with and I could grow old with him. I would not want one who is already old and has been with god knows how many women. Think about what harm you can do by getting involved in a family where you are younger than his children, Why don't you go out with his son if he has one?

Answer 7

Only you can answer this one, if it feels right to you then it feels right.

Having a 31 year age gap could cause problems though so be prepared when you do tell people. Then there's the question of does he want anymore children and how long can you two leave starting a family with the age gap almost certainly going to make things harder.

Answer 8

31 years may not make a difference to you right now but it will. He is too old for you. The only real problem I see in this relationship right now is HE"S MARRIED. He may tell you he is splitting with his wife because that is what you want to hear. Wait til it happens before seeing him again. The age difference will soon be too large for you,

Answer 9

No age does not matter but the chances of the relationship lasting as you presume it will are very very slim as eventually (in most cases with a large age gap) the age age will become an issue. When he is struggling with old age you will be a spritely 40 ry old who will be tied down with your old man.

Good luck...you'll need it and all the best

Answer 10

I would like to check first that you are over 18? If not then I sugest you end this crap right now. If you are then you need to tell your family when you are ready. I also hope you don't mean he is leaving his wife for you, because thst'd you having an affair and I bet he won't even leave her, that's why he wants it a secret. The path of true love never runs smooth.