I'm married 6 years now. My husband took a job in California 10 months ago. He wanted better money and he thought it was going to be so great traveling back and forth from La. to California. I live in Louisiana. As of a few months ago, he enrolled in college up there. He hasn't been home in over 70 days due to necessary college attendance and his work schedule.
Here's the bad news...my mom was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We're all shocked...there were of course not many symptoms. The only communication I have with my husband about this is per cell phone, text, or email. I didnt' ask him to come home..as we had recently been battling the long distance thing not working out in mostly every conversation. He liked the situation, I never have. SHOULD MY HUSBAND COME HOME TO SUPPORT ME WITH THIS NEWS.....OR AT LEAST OFFER?? He hasn't. He has not even said..."I wish I was there with you". The only thing he has said in re: to the distance is..it's hard being here.
2007-03-10 08:49:12 · 19 answers · asked by Hear2Help 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds to me like he does not care anymore. He likes the distance because he is pretty much single out there. He has a new life, but still has you and the kids back in LA. Of course he should show a little more compassion for you and offer to come home and support you at such a hard time. Marriage is compromise and it does not seem like he is compromising anything. Seems like he wanted to go to CA to advance his own career and get himself in college. How do you stay away from your family that long and have no concern for major issues like this one???? You both need to do some serious soul searching and decide what you really want out of your marriage and life, in my opinion.
2007-03-10 08:57:06 · answer #1 · answered by Robin L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Face it - your husband is comfortable with a marriage on paper only. He has already set roots down where he is and doesn't care about whether you are happy or not. If he loved you he would consider your needs and try to find a reasonable compromise with you visiting him more often or him coming home to see you. The marriage cannot continue at the rate it is going. And - yes - he should be with you during this crisis with your mom. Give him an ultimatum. Tell him you are not willing to stay married to a non-existent husband and if he is comfortable with your living situation you will file for divorce. Don't be surprised if he is readily agreeable to a divorce. It looks as though he isn't too interested in staying married with his actions so far. I'm sorry - and Good Luck.
2007-03-10 09:10:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not much of a husband honey! And you dont have much of a marriage. How is it he gets to live the single life and come home whenever he feels like it? A good husband shouldnt even hesitate to come home, even if only briefly, to support you and see if there is anything he can do to help, universities and work understand these family things , so it would not be impossible for him to come home. You need to seriously consider your future with this man and discuss how you feel about the arrangement, but in person, not on the phone, good luck
2007-03-10 08:58:39 · answer #3 · answered by sydneygal 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes, your husband should be wanting to be by your side at least for a few days to give you the emotional support you need during this traumatic time. long distance relationships do not build a closeness. As you know you are becoming more and more distant from each other. try to get your husband to go to a marriage counselor with you. See if you can work things out.
2007-03-10 08:57:23 · answer #4 · answered by Cherokee Billie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to hear that about your husband. But from what i am hearing from you, he noit being supportive of your needs. I mean I know that he supporting you financially but there are also other things that can mean more than money. I think that he should come home and help you out and be supportive. Just because a man makes alot of money doesnt always mean that he will be a good husband.
2007-03-10 09:00:53 · answer #5 · answered by Mark L 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he should be there to support you. I think it was wrong of him to enroll in college so he'd have even less time to go see you. Just hang in there and be there for your Mom and the rest of your family right now. Ask your husband to make an effort to come home and support you. If he can't do that, then it speaks volumes as to what his priorities are. I truly wish you the best of luck during these difficult times.
2007-03-10 08:55:28 · answer #6 · answered by nimo22 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
very sorry about your mother, may God bless you all and keep you in peace. first have faith in your husband that he is doing what is best for your future and for your family, trying to better himself. my husband is working in the Mid East! [not military any longer] it is his choice of course. No, i would not ask him to come home for moral support, I am a very strong woman, in that respect. [22 yrs. happily married]. Sometimes men do not think to ask if you need them there, they think differently than we do. Usually if a man cannot make the situation any better--they withdraw, men are action people--they are not thinking of things like 'just being there'. However i would-if i were you, make it a point to go see him, even if only for 3 days. surely you can leave for 3-4 days? eventually i would move [even if just to a motel] where he is and keep my marraige 'warm.' [especially when he has time off, and everybody has time off].
2007-03-10 09:00:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he were any kind of a man he would put his school and job aside for a few days. I'm sure his job would understand..... vac days???? Plus he could catch up on his school work later. Find out what lessons he has to do ahead of time from his teacher. Work on his lessons while he is back home with you.
2007-03-10 08:58:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Long distance relationships are very hard. I almost lost my bf due to one in only a few months. I think he should atleast want to be with you during this hard situation, but who knows? You'll just have to talk to him about this. Good Luck.
2007-03-10 08:54:09 · answer #9 · answered by Melissa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I know it s hard, I wish your mother wil recover soon just pray.
As for your husband I think that it s just a matter of way to express try not to be very maniatic about details. Be positive
Good luck
2007-03-10 08:54:58 · answer #10 · answered by kitycat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋