Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years. In that time we had a child together. We had broken up during the pregnancy. During the pregnancy she lived in another city with her mother. After my son was born she stayed with me for 2 months then went back to her mothers. When she returned a second time, we got back together because we still loved each other deeply. But during the time she was away, she met another man, and fell for him pretty hard. But she never stopped loving me and was happy to hear that I had never stopped loving her. I was able to deal with the fact that she had been with another man because we were not together. After getting back together I found out that she keeps in contact with him via e-mail. I have caught this at least 3 times in the past year. She tells me it will stop. Finally I resorted to spying and caught it again. I am at my breaking point. She swears up and down it is just a friendship and now says she can't cut off a friend?
2007-03-10 08:44:13 · 9 answers · asked by Ronin 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This man is not a friend he is an ex. The only way contact might be acceptable is if you were included in this friendship. Hiding it from you is what makes it very wrong.
We enter each new relationship hopefully with complete trust and we maintain that until events prove the person untrustworthy. I personally have never been able, even with help by the offender, to regain full trust in the area it was broken. The old "Time heals all wounds." works for some.
2007-03-10 09:06:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't married and haven't made a decision to do so, you have no right to be mad or get upset with her. She has made no lifetime commitment to you and you haven't to her. As far as the contact with this other guy, she wouldn't stay in contact and hide it if there weren't still deep feelings for him. Having a child together doesn't mean a commitment, it only requires that you share a bed once and the product of that is a child. If you decide to continue this relationship you must consider that she may never be over this other guy. It sounds as though she may still be a bit immature and not really know the difference between lust and love. You cannot force her to change her way of heart. You may need to leave her alone to decide if she is ready for a commitment to you or wants to play the dating game a while longer. Just make sure that you can honestly trust her or you will find yourself in divorce court within a short time of marriage. My gut feeling says to move on with finding someone else after setting up the financial obligations for this innocent child you both have brought into this. Good Luck in whatever you decide to do.
2007-03-10 09:00:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So are you two married or not? Your question states putting trust back into your marriage; however, you refer to her as your girlfriend.
The problems began long ago when you got her pregnant and you two broke up. You now have a child and you cannot be coming in and out of his life. You two were mature enough to have sex and create a child so you now need to discuss what you are going to do about your relationship. Your child is the one that is doing the suffering and will continue to do so.
Good luck!
2007-03-10 08:55:44 · answer #3 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like an unhealthy relationship that unfortunately has a child trapped in the middle of it. I believe that if it's innocent then there is no need to hide it and if you were truly ok with her being with another guy then you wouldn't have a problem with them sending the occasional email. But to answer your question, time. Alot of time.
2007-03-10 08:54:42 · answer #4 · answered by dubi4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not so sure you can trust your girlfriend. her staying in contact with a former lover while trying to repair your relationship is not going to work. She would have to sever the ties with the former lover to make a clean start with you.
I wish you the very best in this situation because it involves a child. I know this is very difficult for you. My thoughts will be with you.
2007-03-10 08:54:13 · answer #5 · answered by Cherokee Billie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forgiveness is easy......trusting again? that is one of the hardest things in this world to do! esp. when the other person gives you reasons NOT to trust them......there is the first clue....
IF it is only friendship.....WHY does she hang on to him knowing it will hurt you and your relationship?????? she has got to be told, in no uncertain terms. ..that IF it is to work between you guys......there must be NO CONTACT WITH THE EX.....friends or otherwise.....
(*went thru similiar thing last yr. and that is the first thing our counselor said......NO CONTACT......) BECAUSE....every time there is contact..it brings you guys back to square 1 and cannot move forward.....your doubts come back as well as her memories of HIM.........MAKE THIS CLEAR TO HER....or you will never have a chance to succeed......i wish you the best of luck.....but it is up to her to realize : how important YOU are to her......make a choice and fast.....the "friend" has got to GO"
2007-03-10 09:13:32 · answer #6 · answered by STARZ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its more serious than u know, if it were just a friend she wouldn't still be in contact with him. if she isn't willing to give him up for u, than u couldn't mean that much to her. if she is telling u it is going to stop than why hasn't it? because she isn't finished with him yet.
2007-03-10 08:58:22 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you just have to try to convince her that you don t like the fact that she is still in contact with him, gently. then if she refuses tell her you ll leave her& things just to scare heer.
Good luck
2007-03-10 08:51:54 · answer #8 · answered by kitycat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are living in denial my friend.
2007-03-10 08:56:56 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋