I am 29 year old woman who is married and has a son in grade school. Most people think of me as a very nice person. But I am not so sure if I am. You see I am miserable in my life. I have a husband who adores everything about me, and has been through everything with me, being nothing but supporting and loving, whom I feel no desire or love for. He is like my best friend. But that is it. And he doesn't meet most of my needs. My son is a very sweet boy, who does have some developmental problems, but is overall a very cool kid. But I never wanted to have children. I knew that all my life. And despite 9 years with him, I still don't feel like a good mom, and I don't think it's just me. Quite often I have fantasized of just leaving home and starting again on my own. I might even have the oppurtunity to tranfer to another location through my work. But I am quite sure that to leave my family behind would make me the worst person imaginable. It pretty much comes down to selfishness huh?
2007-03-10 08:42:03 · 17 answers · asked by Erika W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you all for your input. I think I am going to try to find a way to be happy with my family. I know my husband is a great enough man to work with me on anything I need him to. And I do want to see what kind of man my son turns out to be. It is worth trying for. Just wish me luck,
2007-03-10 09:23:05 · update #1
No some women just have the desire to be free Decide what is really important to you family or a good job opportunity
2007-03-10 08:54:23 · answer #1 · answered by hobo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ooooh...boy. You know there's a double standard. If a father leaves his family but at the very least provides child support, then he's not necessarily a bad person. Yet, if a mother does the same thing, she's viewed much differently. Your husband is a good man, right? Don't you think he deserves to be with someone who treats him the way he treats you? I cannot believe I am saying this, but if you truly feel that you would be a happier person on your own, then consider it seriously. Many men do a wondeful job as single dads, and they often meet wonderful women who become good mothers to their children. I don't think recognising your flaws and knowing that you aren't cut out for the life you have makes you 'the worst person imaginable.' Good luck; don't do anything too rash without fully thinking through the consequences. And know that if you walk out on your family, you can't go back at some point when your husband has found someone new and demand that you guys have another go. Once you're gone you're gone. Oh, and you should 100% pay child support if you leave. No ifs ands or buts.
2007-03-10 08:54:22 · answer #2 · answered by bcs_boadicea 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not as cut and dried as "good" or "bad".
Have you asked yourself yet why you married a guy who doesn't meet most of your needs and then had a child with him when you never wanted children?
At least you are starting to question things.
Dumping the family would most likely lead to a few days or weeks of "me time", but you'd most likely regret it for the rest of your life.
Is there a way your husband can meet more of your needs, and he is unaware of these things he could do because you let him think he *is* meeting your needs? I'm willing to bet you have *never* had a conversation about this with him. Which makes you live a second life in your head. That's the person encouraging you to go - that second person you are becoming.
Your only other options: stay and keep lying to everyone, or start confronting what you fear. Try sitting your husband down and talking about *one* need he is not meeting and how he can meet it and if he thinks he can. Don't spill the whole can over - just reach in and take out one jelly bean at a time.
It takes more courage than people think. Try one - just one. But if you do not start confronting things, your double life will split you and your family into pieces.
2007-03-10 09:12:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are in the bad person category yet. I do think that you may be overwhelmed with stress. You also sound as if you may have low self esteem and depression. These things together is enough to make you want to pack up and leave home. The only advice I can give is to seek some kind of counseling to help battle the symptoms of esteem and depression. I think it would do you more harm to leave it all behind and walk away than to stay and seek help. If you run from your problems they will only grow and find you another day. If leaving is the answer at least settle some of the issues before you go. Don't leave your child and husband behind with un answered questions about why you chose to leave.Don't make them suffer to.
2007-03-10 09:23:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not a bad person, but you should never leave your child behind, that is cruel, or at least you need to stay in your child's life as much as possible if you do leave your husband. Maybe you just need a break, a few days away to think about what is causing these feelings. Just don't ignore your son's needs in the meantime.
2007-03-10 08:57:01 · answer #5 · answered by SweetGin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel (a little) there were times after my son was born (watch out for what you wish for) but in time I have really grown to enjoy being a mom and the balance of marriage. (I am a mom to 3)
It's all hard work. Your child needs a mom!
Sadly your job first and formost is being his mom - but try to be happy - If you did leave (as you are doubting it by asking it)
you'd always worry, and wonder.
Maybe you need to see a family therapist. To see what it is about your life that you need. (from your husband/child/job)
Perhaps by sitting down and venting with your family you may gain something.
The grass isn't always as green out there as it is in your own yard. :)
I don't think there is a mom alive who feels somedays she could do better or want more.
2007-03-10 08:52:26 · answer #6 · answered by kelly e 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you are a bad person at all. What you sound like, to me, is that you are a depressed person. Now the depression could come with the dissatisfaction you feel with your life or you could be depressed so you are unhappy with your life. Either way, I think you might need to talk to someone who could help you make the decisions that will make you happy. I know how you feel because I have problems with depression. Just please think long and hard before you make any life changing decisions. The best of luck to you.
2007-03-10 09:10:12 · answer #7 · answered by oneontaw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a bad person. A bad person wouldn't even be questioning these feelings in herself. But you have, through choice and chance, reached a point in your life where you realize you're not satisfied. You aren't asking for advice about what to do, but consider talking to a counselor about what you can do to better meet your own needs in the context of staying with your family.
2007-03-10 08:49:07 · answer #8 · answered by Wise Advice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need some counseling and maybe a bit of medication hun to get you on an even keel. keep your head up and good luck. Your not a bad mom or wife, just some issues...like you might resent your hubby for giving you a baby when you didn't really want one so long ago. I think you'll be ok, just might need a bit of help.
2007-03-10 08:49:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well...I think some people are not cut out to be wives or mothers...I have known several women that have done what you are contemplating....I would say that most of society will not understand that decision if you make it but if you are ok with that then the truth is, they may be better off without you in their lives.....I don't mean to sound cruel but if you don't worship your child and your husband then you are not giving them the best of yourself....it will be very hard on everyone for a time but in the long run, it may be best...good luck whatever you decide
2007-03-10 08:49:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋