Can I ask the divorced people something?

Question

When you guys were on the road to divorce, was there a single decision you made that started you on that road?

Imho, when my wife and I fight, she suggests really dumb things that make me mad and I want to take on a "Ok, I'll show you!" attitude. For example, she suggested that we close our joint account at the bank and from then on keep separate finances.

However, every time this has happened (maybe 2-3 times in my 5 year marriage so far?) I've taken both the dumb suggestion and the defensive reaction as a warning sign, took a step back, and said, "Waitaminute, let's see what's _really_ going on here. We don't want to do something that would really damage our relationship. Let's try to find another way."

I'm wondering if, in hindsight, this would have been useful for other people as well.

Answer 1

that would not have helped ME! but, every situation is different........mine cheated.....i threw him out asap.......no regrets.....still cheating on the others now too!
but,you sound like a caring , intelligent man who wants to make it work......
i have found the best way to work it out is to get to the truth about what is really going on! ask her...it may help.....good luck.

Answer 2

I would advise against separate accounts since you consider the question really dumb. If the wife feels she needs money to spend, then the best way to track spending habits is to keep the account joint, especially if bills are paid from that account.
Did she give a reason for separate accounts? I would be suspicious too.

The single decision that led to the dissolution of my first marriage was made almost at the beginning. We were both young, I was on the rebound, but had a good relationship with her mom. She treated me like a son. Always did through 21 years of hell. That marriage was doomed from day one.
Mental abuse and constant fighting led to my liberation.

Second marriage perfect. But I lost her to cancer a few months ago.

Watch for other red flags. Good luck.

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Answer 3

Before I left my first husband I did get an acc of credit in my name and we seperated a lot of things, It is wise to do before
I actually walked... I was kept on his banking for years for some reason, That was his choise not mine. If you are having a lot of troubles and can not fix it then yes seperate all things. it will make the divorce MUCH EASIER

Answer 4

i would have to say it wasn't his cheating that did it, or his defensive attitude, or the arguments, but the cover up the lie about why he left, and his refusal to talk and seek therapy for us that was the deciding factor that put us on the road to divorce. if i had t to do all over again, i wouldn't have allowed the circumstances to decide the outcome, i would have worked harder, not allowed my pride to influence me, i would have stopped and taken notice and tried to change it around, but unfortunately it does take two to do this, one partner can't do it all by their self.

Answer 5

There is never a single reason for wanting a divorce. It is a culmination of reasons. And finally you reach a breaking point.

Answer 6

Marriage"love" is a choice, you make a choice to love someone and stick by them, or you make a choice to stick by them intil this point, love is not faith or the first year or secound of marriage, it's a choice that you want to spend your whole life with a person.