My son is 4 months old and I found out I am 5 weeks pregnant. Now before I get lectures about birth control, I was taking Seasonale everyday at 6 am never missed or took it later. He refuses to wear a condom. Financially we are fine. I am excited but he could really care less and asked me to get my tubes tied. I dont feel I am ready to give up my ability to have children I am young. So when I told him that he could get a vasectomy he flipped. Our relationship isnt the best and I have thought about divorce. Any advice?
2007-03-10 08:07:06 · 14 answers · asked by megan t 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
What a horrible man! This child wasnt concieved by imaculate conception. Perhaps he should stop being so selfish about his sexual needs and wear a rubber or keep his penis in his pants! You dont deserve to be treated like a that. Birth control is both the participating male and females responsibilty and you need a man who feels the same way. Your needs are just as important as your husbands and he is obviously putting his needs first. If I were you- I would leave him. Good luck and congratulations on your new little gifts
2007-03-10 08:21:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on your happy news!
It is understandable that Dad may be a bit overwhelmed by the idea of a second child so close on the heels of the first. Being a new parent isn't easy for EITHER Mom or Dad!
At this point, the settling in process for the first child is just beginning to go smoothly.
Could it be that Dad worries that the financial issues may NOT be as good as they seem?
As to getting your tubes tied, that is truly a couples issue. Following the birth of the second child, I would have a "cooling off period" where the two of you could seek out some professional counseling for better and more reliable birth control if Dad doesn't want to use a condom.
There are IUD devices that can be implanted which are about 99.7% accurate at preventing pregnancy. But there is only ONE sure method of preventing it - total abstinance. Since I assume that is "off the table" as an alternative, then you need to find out if another type of BC is best for you and your spouse.
Generally, men like to argue that "it doesn't feel the same" with a condom. Guess what - it doesn't feel the same for a woman either - but demanding that you tie your tubes while he isn't willing to clip his seems more than a little selfish.
If you already have relationship issues, I totally recommend counseling for each of you independently AND couples counseling so that you can sort out your issues and work on your marriage's foundation.
Ask yourself the 64 Dollar question about divorce: "would I be better off without him than I am with him?"
As to the "lecture" on BC, one of my dearest friends in the whole world found that no method of birth control but strict and total abstinence worked for her. She had five kids while on various BC and NONE worked for her. So, you may simply have not found the one for you.
Hang in there! Talk to a clergyman, advisor or counselor who can guide you along.
2007-03-10 08:23:28 · answer #2 · answered by stonechic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight...he won't get a vasectomy, refuses to wear a condom, yet blames YOU for getting pregnant, although you did as instructed for your choice of birth control?
Sounds like SOMEONE has some control issues. After this baby arrives, continue on oral contraceptives, but change to a different brand. And be sure to use some kind of backup for a full cycle if you take oral antibiotics. (They counteract oral contraceptives.) And it sounds like the only "backup" you have is abstinance. Because this would be ANOTHER reason for him to gripe, be sure to tell him "If we have sex now, because of the antibiotics, I will probably get pregnant. You want control of my body, well here it is. It's your choice."
It would be a moot point to encourage him to get a vasectomy. Controllers will not do anything if it is not their idea. Period. Keep in mind, HE'S the one that doesn't want anymore kids. At least with YOU. Harsh, but true. You need to decide what's best for you and your children. If he wants to share the rest of his life with you, he needs to bend a little in the reproductive department, or run the chance of history repeating itself. Don't get your tubes tied. You have good reason to say no and you are being responsible with the birth control options you have available. He's being a stubborn pig and a control freak. Period.
I wish you luck...I know you'll need it if you're going to try talking this out with him.
Blessings
2007-03-10 08:42:52 · answer #3 · answered by Silverwolf 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Take some advice from an old wife: do not get your tubes tied. It sounds like you are not going to married to this jerk very long and you may find a really nice man in the future and wish to have more children. Frankly, I would think deeply about having another child at this juncture; it is going to take a toll on your body and your other child is so small. Seek advice from Planned Parenthood and make a decision you can live with.
2007-03-10 08:16:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
He should be the one to get "fixed" because what if you do end up divorcing him and you got your tubes tied then you could not have kids with a future husband, if he is the one with the problem then he needs to get educated and use protection or get the procedure done on him. Men sometimes are so selfish. Don't cut out your options for a man. I'm not a man hater, but I do think realistically. Take care of yourself....good luck and sorry that your husband isn't supportive. my sympathy is with you. Congrats on your new little one. I'll be happy for you. :-)
2007-03-10 09:05:59 · answer #5 · answered by k 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Any man that won’t get a vasectomy or wear a condom is a complete jerk. I had a vasectomy 20 years ago, and still used condoms. I suppose he would say I’m not a “real man” or something.
I have a simple philosophy for jerky men, like him: They don’t deserve to have sex!
Being that he is so pompous, good luck getting child support from him.
2007-03-11 07:08:02 · answer #6 · answered by Marvin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all. Don't get a divorce. I'm sure if you talk to each other you can find a solution that you both agree with. The most important thing to remeber about talking is not to let it become an argument. If it starts turning into an agrument, be the bigger person and be quiet, becuase yelling and arguing won't get you anywhere. As time passes maybe he will get exicted, and if not at least you are right?
Congrats and good luck.
2007-03-10 08:16:40 · answer #7 · answered by Emily D 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't give up ur capability to have children because someone else wants you to!! **** him, sry but thats the truth. If he wants to control it then he can do something too, its not like ur egg fertilizes by itself ! These days men fight over stupid things, I'm 19 and got in a fight with my bf about something so small too, but it can lead to something big. Your man shouldve known that you wanted children, my bf knows I want many children[I have much experience, just still in college] but he says he hardly want any maybe just 1 or 2, and it gets me to the pt I don't know if I should stay with him, because I know what I want in my future, and I KNOW the responsibility, I don't care what other people say. I think ur hubby should shut his mouth and accept the fact that yau'll are creating another blessing, he just got started why does he want to finish so soon? Well goodluck!
2007-03-10 08:16:17 · answer #8 · answered by Lorelei's Mommy ( & prego) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yep, if he can't come to terms with it, you don't need him.
The medical side effects of a hysterectomy are greater for you than for a vasectomy for him. A real man would step up to the plate and have the surgery done. It's outpatient, for crying out loud!
It takes two to make a baby. You were taking precautions. He just needs to suck it up and be a man or get out of your life before the kids see what a jerk he is to their mother.
2007-03-10 08:15:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say that right now you are both going through a tough time--you just had a baby and your world is probably turned upside down--and now you are pregnant again--it is NOT the best time to be making decisions about major operations/procedures or to be considering divorce--remember all that--for better and for worse stuff? well--having a baby is wonderful but coping with the realities is quite tough at times--so just stick it out--at least for now until things settle down--You are both probably exhausted from physically and emotionally coping with the baby and the changes in your lives...You should watch those baby shows on cable--A Baby Story and baby baby--where people have twins triplets etc--whe they didn't expect it--Yes--they freak out too--but then they cope and deal with it and learn to enjoy it--If you are having another child--well--yes--it will be stressful--but it could be a wonderful blessing too--I'd say--focus on feeling good about yourself--do some nice things for you--connect up with other moms who have lots of kids--and stop focusing on the negatives--your husband probably just freaked out..and now you're getting upset too--enjoy your new baby and get ready for the next one...Congratulations...and Good Luck:)
2007-03-10 08:50:18 · answer #10 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋