What time should my 14 year old son come in ?

Question

... we have decided to put it to the vote here on YA !
so what ever you people say then thats what we think should be fair ! he says he should be in at a certain time & I say he should be in at a certain time ! and obviously there not the same... most of the time we know where he is but not all the time ! ... anyway would be nice to get your answers to resolve both my and my sons dilema ?

thanks

Yes I know I'm the boss... The Adult...
but I'm also flexible and my son does come in at the time I say, I just want to check I'm not over doing it expecting him to be in to early ! so we both just thought what you all thought ?

Answer 1

...I'm glad you put "additional details".... I was beginning to worry about your "fatherly control"... a 14 year old on a school night... 8PM on the weekends... always negotiable. BUT, school grades need to be good and the aura around the home needs to be good as well...

Answer 2

This kid can't drive - how could you possibly expect him to come home too early? If he's at a party, he comes home when the party ends. You would know when the party ends by picking him up or asking the parents who are at the party.
If you are just talking about letting the kid roam around town on foot and hitching rides with friends, then I don't think it can be early enough! That is where he is going to be drinking or smoking dope or making out and worse with other 14 yr olds (and older AND younger.) He doesn't have the maturity yet to deny himself some pretty exciting things - when he's hanging out with older kids.
You know where he is most of the time - well, the later it gets, the more likely the older kids are going to be meeting to do things other than sports. You certainly are trusting. Not to mention the fact that you haven't told what the curfews are for other 14 year olds in your town. I have a feeling that would be a good guide.

Answer 3

10

Answer 4

I would say 9pm Sunday to Thursday because there's school the following day and by the time he's 10 minutes late got in got a hot drink, bath/shower reading/listening to music to wind down and bed its probably well after 10pm anyway, which will give him 8 hours sleep before the next day

11pm Friday and Saturday if he's with people he knows, if not 10pm. The reason I say this is because there are drunks on the street (or at least where I am) at 11pm. Make him appreciate that this has nothing to do with being a grouchy parent it has to do with common sense safety. You will then also have to cut him some space to make some noise in the house betweem 10pm and 11pm to prove this.

When setting these limits though consider his record on timekeeping cos if hes pushing it too far then you'll have to move them earlier.

Hope this helps.

Answer 5

Surely its not the time that's most important , but what exactly he is up to and who with?
If you live in a city then there could be problems, but it may be different in the country. 14 year old boys think they know it all, at least I did and that's a long time ago and there were no drugs or gangs when I was 14 .
Do you believe what he tells you? Do you know who his friends are ? Has he got homework to do? Has he ever been in trouble or don't you know?
If you have a really good relationship and you trust him, then I think 10pm is late enough. Maybe a bit later on Friday and Saturday . Only you know your son and the area that you live in , so its basically your decision not ours !

Answer 6

He is fourteen...on a school night, 9 pm, on a week-end, midnight or for either when the event runs past the time set then a reasonable time after it ends. Anything over fifteen minutes late requires a phone call, less if he has a cell phone. If his grades or school attendance does not suffer then this should be open to being extended by a every six months review.
You should be open for his friends hanging out at your house occasionally...we all have had to deal with creepy parent syndrome, why should he be any different.

I'm curious...when selecting best answer please state the times you each had in mind.

Answer 7

Great. Thank God you know that you are the boss. Simply gage your son's maturity level and responsibility level against the time he should be in the home. And once you set that time, that's it. Who cares if he whines and complains, he's a young adult and their perception isn't fully developed at that age. In my opinion, generally 10:30 pm is a good time for a teen to be home, especially if you know where he is at all times. On week nights, 6:30pm to 7:00 pm because he is still school age. Hope this helps.

Answer 8

Weekends should be different from week nights. If he's got school next day, I would agree with him a time that allows him to get 10 hours in his bedroom before morning ( 9 hours sleep + 1 hour prep for morning?). Weekends, I would like to know more about the cultural norms in your town....eg, do kids hang out generally in activities till10, 11. 9?You could try asking his friends' parents, and his friends....no harm establishing contact anyway, right? I would, anyway like to know where he is ALL THE TIME at age 14.

Answer 9

kay well im 16, and when i was 14 and 15, you want freedom, and I think it is important that you give it to them ( as long as they remain drug-free), because you want to create a good relationship with them where they feel they can come talk to you about anything. If you just give them all these rules they will just rebel and stay out as long as they want anyways. But you sound like your a parent who listens to thier childs demands/concerns. During School days, if hes at a friends house or whatever Id say about till 10, but obviosuly he won't be out all the time. FRIDAYS- all the parties happen. Let him get out, party it up, the majority of kids try alcohol and weed, but particularily in boys you want to watch out for weed, because then they become skids- try other drugs and just do nothing their whole lives and become a burn-out. haha arnt i so positive.. but you have to watch out because grade 9,and 10 are the turning points, and if you don't keep a good close eye on your son now, youll regret it when hes older. Id say 11:30 -12 on weekends, unless of course hes sleeping over at his friends house and you know his family .. haha just watch him and it wouldnt hurt to give him a drug test once and awhile. Even if you don't think he would ever doo that, kids lie, and parents are gulable lol..Good Luck and i hope this helps!

Answer 10

weeknights during school 6pm then he eats dinner with family homework and bed. weekends out till dark. But you are the boss not a 14 year old. That is what is wrong with kids today parents don't want to take the responsibility of making decisions for their children. They just want them to stop bothering them. Your house your rules, do you want to have a family together or a bossy teenager that will only get worse? No 14 year old has any business being out after dark where can they go that is legal? without supervision? weekends they can go to movies from 7 pm to 9pm but really think about it do you want a 14 year old wandering around smoking weed and drinking beer? what else would he be doing?

Answer 11

Depends on what time his school starts the next morning. I think 9 - 9.30 weekdays & not every night, 11 - 11.30 weekends. If he is a sensible child, you can be a little more flexible if he attends a special birthday party for instance, or when you know that they will be taken back home by an adult.