is she worth my friendship?

Question

Tanya and i have been friends since highschool, i'm in my 30s know so it's been a while,
we used to do everything together, even had a threesome years ago. I thought nothing and noone could ever come between us, we survived easily through being 1000 miles apart, her first marriage and my first marriage,... than when i separated from my ex i was kind of dating this guy, well it never went beyond 2 or 3 kisses, cause for me he was nothing other than getting away from my ex, and Tanya said she liked him and i told her: have him... well Tanya got pregnant and married about a year later... that's when the problem started... her husband went away for work reasons for 3months and Tanya and i just couldn't really talk,... it's not like we didn't talk or had a fight or anything, but there was a barrier between us,... i was looking forward to the birth of her baby cause i never saw anything being born,... even though i had my baby... but i was to busy pushing to watch it... Tanya said she wante

me there for the birth more than anyone else including her husband...well i tried to call her every other day... and than after i couldn't reach her for 3 days, her husband told me she had the baby... she'd call me back in a few hours... well she called me back the next day and didn't understand why i was upset... i first got to see the baby when he was about 1months old and i was pretty much the last one to see him... she told me she wanted to spend some time alone with him to bond, next thing i hear is who all has been over to visit...
well than my dad had surgery and we didn't expect him to pull through... I called her and told her i was going to see him... and that was pretty much the last time i talked to her... and this is my best friend... she never called to find out how my dad was or anything... never asked how i was... that's when i finally had enough, after 1 year of me trying to save our friendship, this was too much...
i didn't contact her, she didn't contact me, and

after 6months she left the country...
after loosing my best friend i pretty much couldn't trust anyone. i got rid of all my friends and the only ppl i talked to was my (now)husband and my dog, well and my son...
i couldn't talk to anyone more than casual and didn't want any friends. i was burned and wouldn't expose myself again... however about 3 years later Tanya contacted me on the messenger... Still hurt ... and still hurting today, i talked to her. casual! well she says it's her husbands jeallousy that made her cancel our friendship, but that she never wanted to hurt me...she still says we are best friends,... i want it to be true, i can talk to her as if nothing had ever happened, BUT am i doing the right thing in forgiving her, or am i setting myself up to get hurt again?

Answer 1

She is worth your friendship and here's why: first of all as adults now things are gonna come up and happen that neither of you can control. An example, based on what you said she wanted you to be with her during the birth of her baby. For all you know she went into labor and did not have a chance to call you. maybe she told her husband to call you and he said that he would but never did or lied about it and she resented you. My point is who knows. That's all "water under the bridge now", my opinion look to the future. Remember, being best friends doesn't mean being under the others thumb all day.
Forgive her, people aren't perfect. You would want her to do the same for you right? Best friends are best friends because they understand better than anyone the power of forgiveness.
Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

It would seem that for whatever reason she has distanced herself from you. Maybe it's related to your having dated her husband before they were married, or maybe her life has moved on. The problem is that you feel hurt and betrayed so maybe your energies would be better put into making new friends and developing a new best friend relationship with someone else. Sometimes this just happens in a similar way to outgrowing opposite sex relationships.

Answer 3

If you two have been friends for this long you can work through this barrier that has beenput up. Just call her and tell her you want to talk about all of this. Your friendship will survive. I have one friend since kindergarten. We both turned 29 last week and we still are best friends. Just talk thats what friendsd do.

Answer 4

Well, you can only make so much of an effort, but if she's not making any effort then there's nothing you can really do. So maybe send her a Christmas card, but unless you two start living closer together and communicating more, then all you'll have is your memories. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

if you guys have known each other for a very long time and you've done everything together than don't forget about her or anything. Stay friends with her no matter what happens.