Do ever just want to start your life over and leave the past behind?

Question

Sometimes that's all I want to do. Given my circumstances, I think it may be best.
I'm a transsexual... my mother loves me but doesn't take it seriously, my father is sometimes mocking, sometimes unresponsive to my transition.
I've notified my workplace that I'm going to be living as a woman fulltime starting in May... my boss was reasonably cool with it, but warned me many there may not be as tolerant.
All of my old friends I met when I was still a guy have distanced themselves from me... you know, the old excuses: "people drift apart over time..." not if they were ever really friends they don't!
I have made some really good friends since transitioning as a woman, true.

But I don't know if there's anything worth salvaging from my current life. Is it sometimes better to make a clean start? Should I move across country when I'm living fulltime as a woman, so people will know me only that way? It'd make finding a good job and relationship so much easier.

Answer 1

From experiance I used to think the same. I was under the impression nobody will qaccept me and I would loose everything and the only choice would be to packup and leave my hometown. I figured one day I need to stop and forget about it as it is my life and if I have to move I will but if I dont I will stay. It seems like a gamble to me and rightfully so when it comes to your life and the decisions you have to make in efforts to be happy. Now after a successful transition I have lose only a few friends but gained more highly respectible friends who I would never want to replace as they care soley for me just being ME. I have gained custody of my child, kept my business (I am self employeed), still own my house, and stilol have family and friends. Sure it is hard for me and there are my days were I just want to leave because I am tired of feeling I am the (Town Transsexual), you will get talked about and be an icon for a while but as time goes on people forget about it and enjoy "You" being around. People know enjoy my company and never even think I am anything less then a simple female. I have made a big change and kept my faith so please my best advice is be free with your self and be happy, make sure you are 100% on your discion though as it is a hard road for a while. I now love my life and wouold never want to go back and I got to stay in my hometown! By the way the size of my town is only 90k

Best of luck,

Brandy

Answer 2

im on the other side of transition, i did exactly what you are describing, i left my old life behind and started over financially as person of the opposite sex

IT IS THE BEST THING EVER

I coulndt live with the people who knew me as a little kid, or a teenager, god i was akward, so when i turned 24 i left,
now im married, have a house a job that drives me insane and best of all i was able to come back and selectivly return to my old life without the crappy stuff and people who i didnt want to know anymore

i read your other post and i hope you get what you need from your co-workers, just to be treated like a normal average woman person.

dont worry, it will work out eventually

Answer 3

In my case, I would love to start my life over again and I don't mean moving away from my past. I would just like to be reborn the way I felt like I should have been, in a woman's body, not a man's body.

Well, since I know very little of what's going on in your life, I can't say if it would be better to stay where you are now or move to another country.

Answer 4

To tell you the truth, your story is almost like looking in a mirror. I once thought the same way you do. Granted, I found out along the way that I wasn't transsexual, persay, but was actually intersexed. However, the same rings true.

I'm from Idaho. It's a VERY conservative environment. I knew my parents really couldn't handle the situation (especially my redneck step-dad who still doesn't). So, when I made the decision to finally transition back in 2002, I left the state. I wasn't really financially prepared to do so, but I needed to get this done in the worst way. I traveled the country, but was technically (and many times literally) homeless the whole time. I don't regret a second of it, though. I met some wonderful people (including my FIANCEE) and had a lot of memories that I cherish to this day. I've been to St. Louis, Virginia Beach (VA), Miami, San Francisco, and other places.

There were a lot of things I learned along the way. The bulk of my transition was funded by the City and County of San Francisco, to be honest. However, it was there that I found out (after my bloodwork was done) there were a few discrepencies in my genome. I found out that I was actually born with BOTH parts (which is so rare it's not even funny) and that I'd fallen pray to John Money's "Nurture vs. Nature" ideal. Whatever the circumstance, I am a girl, nonetheless--no matter what anyone else tries to tell me.

Over time, I did loose a few childhood friends. Some of them were very close and having them go was like attending a funeral. It tore me up inside. Most of my family has alienated me. To them, I don't exist. To be honest, they will be sorely missed. It hurts, but I've pushed them to the side and don't have any contact. It hurts too much to try.

However, on the bright side, I have a WONDERFUL fiancee who is all the man I've ever dreamed of! He was honestly one of the first people I met in my travels. We were friends for years and then were drawn to each other. He loves everything about me. I love him with every fiber of my being.

Also, my REAL friends have stuck by me. In fact, I'm on one of their computers right now! *lol* When I spoke with them over the phone, they told me nothing would stop them from being my friend. Guy, Girl, WTF-ever, I was their friend, end of story. It was cemented when I ran into a situation where I had to come back home. Believe me, if I'd had a choice, I would NOT have come back to Idaho, but you do what you have to when someone's trying to kill you (ex-lover, not going into it...). Regardless, I have reconnected with many of my oldest friends. I'm perfectly happy to have them, too. I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Whatever you decide, honey, remember that your family may not be very understanding. Create your own family with your friends. If the old ones don't stick around, that's their loss. They weren't true friends to begin with. Whatever happens, keep the good ones close and never look back. It may sound "self-centered", but you need this for YOU. If you can't be you, who can?

Lots of luck, sweetie. Messege me, if you'd like.

Answer 5

It sounds like the solution, but you can never really leave your past behind and you could be spending a lot of money and time on something that won't give you peace of mind. What if someone in your new place of work finds out?

Answer 6

You are who you are, so it's high time you own it. Forget anyone who doesn't take you seriously or wants you to change, because you're not going to. Only move if you think that you're doing it because you're seeking new opportunities, and not because you're internalized all the hatred and ignorance around you, because if that's the case, guess what, it's coming with you.

Good luck

Answer 7

Awww, I'd love to give you a big hug!

I wouldn't know what to do in this situation. Personally, if you were my friend I wouldn't care if you told me you wanted to live as a chimpanzee, I'd still be your mate! If I was in your shoes, I'd move and make a fresh start. Take care.

Answer 8

I moved from NY to florida to get rid of agravation but I still get aggravated in my mind. There are many ts's on here that can better inform you but please hang in there. Think of it as May will be the start of a WONDERFUL life for you

Answer 9

i feel that why becuase i jus started at a new skool and b4 i even started my sis went round tellin err1 i way a les at first i was kool cuz im out da closet but now that i started and noticed that im like the only out les i wish i could start over....so yea i feel ur pain

Answer 10

Kara you need to do what is best for you eventually your parents will accept you for you it will take time and even if they don't you don't need their approval you are old enough to make your own decisions! Be Happy!