I understand guys need a guys night sometimes but what do you think when I have work on Saturday mornings and he is off and he just leaves me at home while he is having his guys night. He knows I hate to be home at night by myself but still just goes and it just doesn't seem like he cares. Is he wrong for doing that or am I just overreating? I just worry about him and I can't sleep unless he is with me!
2007-03-10 06:04:12 · 8 answers · asked by BlahBlahBlah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It's not him going out that bothers you.
We all too often associate the "wrongness" with what's happening, instead of recognizing that it's how it makes us feel that is the problem
Is it wrong that he goes out with his friends, and leaves you home alone? Nah, probably not.
Is it wrong that you want him not to? Nope. Not really. Pretty natural actually. Of course you want your baby home, right?
The problem comes in because you're trying to be a good girlfriend by letting him do his thing, but you "want" him to stay home, since afterall you guys are getting married soon. Shouldn't he be growing past the need to be with his friends every weekend? I'm sure it even makes you question just how seriuos he is about the marriage at times too.
The problem isn't him going out.
The problem is how you FEEL when he goes out. Now, I'm not saying your wrong. I'm just saying, maybe you should tell him exactly how you feel, instead of beating around the bush hoping he gets the picture.
Lets face it: You want him to change this behavior, at least a little bit, right?
You don't want to seem like the bad girlfriend by telling him to do it......
So, don't demand it. Don't suggest it. Don't expect it. Just express to him how you feel. Say, "I don't like being left home alone. I love you. I know you want to go out with your friends, but I just want you to know that I feel bad when you do."
No demands. Just feelings.
Let him react as he will. If he's compassionate, he'll adjust. If he's not, or doesn't care, he might keep up with the same activitiy. Once you know how he's going to react to your "feelings", you can take it from there.
A lot of women lay subtle hints, or demands, that are reflections of their feelings, but not actually their feelings. They expect us to notice these things and act accordingly. Truth is, we often will notice them, but all we're seeing is the demand. We're not being given a good reason for the demand. We fail to understand how we're making you feel....or we simply don't care....which is a problem. You just have to find out which it is, and instead of testing the situation by being covertly sneaky, try a more direct "I feel like this, take it or leave it" approach.
Try it. Let me know how it works :)
Edit:
One argument listed is to have your own night out, and it goes on to talk about Fair is fair. I think it's the argument below mine.
A lot of people have this mentality of fight fire with fire. But, doesn't that really just make a bigger fire?
Sure, vengence feels good for a minute, but it doesn't solve any problems. You could go have a girls night out and see if he has a problem with it, but....what if he DOES have a problem with it?
Now you both have a problem, and it's all downhill.
What if he doesn't have a problem with it? Great. You get to have a girls night out. but, that's not really what you want anyway, is it? You want a "You two" night in, more often. So....even if he doesn't have a problem with it, you don't solve your own problem.
Be careful of fighting fire with fire. Everyone has this advice, and I can nearly promise that everyone who lives and has relationships in this way, are likely single more often than not :)
Resolve the problem. Don't fix it by making worse problems. Don't fight it by trying to make him "feel bad". Afterall, what else would you doing the same thing in return....accomplish?
2007-03-10 06:14:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey--how you feel is your own business--and if you think she was wrong--you are entitiled to that feeling---you know her better than anyone. You are in the military and it is stressful---you probably feel she should be at home waiting or whatever---if you think it was wrong--and you feel this is going to fester inside you--you better cut her loose----you can't do the military with jealousy on the mind----should have made it clear before you left but you didn't...too late to talk now??? She probably feels as if it is OK and she will keep doing it---so cut her loose--too late to take back your feelings now. Don't be a baby--just send a mature note about it---tell her that you don't understand or appreciate what is going on--so she can now do as she pleases and so will you when you can in Calif. Good luck and thank you for your service--ex USAF 1968-72--C 119 gunship--Pleiku----6000 rounds a minute of pure whoop ***
2016-03-28 23:09:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you may not want to hear what I have to say but I will have to be honest you are both wrong.
He should be more sensative and you should be more secure. While he is out to play you can have friends over to hang. Learning to sleep alone is not a hard thing to do curl up on the couch to your fave show or a great book. You both need one on one time or you will end up a victome of your own statistike the relationship will not last with out indapendance. you have to have time to grow togather befor you grow apart if every time you or he walkes out the door it is a fight the relationship will not last if you give him room to grow he may find him self wanting to be more at home and feeling like he is not missing out as much. Just because you have to work should not mean he has to be tied town and just because he is out with out you does not mean he does not care you need to find waht works best for you both. He wants a gys night you have a girls night come home missing each other and have wild passionet sex all will pan out in the end this I swear
2007-03-10 06:14:06 · answer #3 · answered by savannah_smiles25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, why not have a girls night out? If he has any issues with that, then your problem is solved. Just because you have to work the next day, is no reason to not go out, and just be responsible and home at a reasonable hour. Or, do it on your night off. Fair is fair, he either goes along with it, or quits doing it himself. Yes, I do think its important for everyone to have a night out, with their pals to unwind. Being together too much is a bad thing-you need time to miss eachother
2007-03-10 06:33:02 · answer #4 · answered by beebs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go out with your friends on the same night he does. When you both get home you can enjoy each other. If it gets too much then you have to sit him down and talk to him about the things that bother you and can you come to a compromise. Don't sit at home alone, get out with your friends too. Take care Heather
2007-03-10 06:09:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you have a girls night while he's out having a guys night? Have some friends over and watch movies and have fun!
2007-03-10 06:08:05 · answer #6 · answered by Charly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love your man, let him be a man. I understand you can't sleep, my wife cannot either. I compromise by not being out LATE late. Also, this should be occasional nights out, not a weekly event. If it is, you two will need to talk.
2007-03-10 06:09:12 · answer #7 · answered by DogDu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
guys do need their bonding time with men, but, why on a friday night? not sure? maybe rethink this commitment.
2007-03-10 06:11:48 · answer #8 · answered by REALLY 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋