Im crying because I just came back from two local pubs from where I was barred and put on the Pubwatch scheme about 3 years ago, which means you cant go in any pub in town. I was a real drunken mess then, getting paraletic on a regular basis. Now though I feel Ive changed. Its my son's 18thbirthday todayand my family are going to the local for a while to celebrate. Next week is Mothers Day and my sister & brother intend to have a meal out at a local pub. Anyway I just went round corner to these two local pubs and tried to explain that I no longer binge drink and am adifferent person nowadays ever since the shock of being in prison last year wore off. I hardly touch alcohol, I tried toexplain this to the two landkeepers, only to have the landlady grab my arm and say "Out. Youre not wanted here. Idont care if you do say youve changed get out now before I phone the Police". The other landlady said similar when I asked if I could explain to her I'm trying to make new start in life.
2007-03-10 05:08:07 · 15 answers · asked by jane b 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
because its easy to say you have changed but people need to see proof that you have im not sure what problems you have but maybe take a look on uncommonforum its a mental health forum where you might get ideas about how to get your life moved on
2007-03-10 05:15:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
People DO forgive and forget ! They do it for persons they care about and love. You should have asked "why can't people care each other?" You just said you started a new life; so, why would you care for what the old persons that you knew, think about you? Why would you need a pub when you have a family to share the care and love. To make me better understood I should give you a definition of TO CARE: 1. a burdened state of mind as that arising from heavy responsibilities, worry. 2 mental suffering, grief. Well, if you would have asked why can't people care each other, then I wouldn't had the courage to answer your question. I think you are unhappy just because of this reason. There are too few persons that care and love us and, sometimes, we try to forget about this going out in the town for shopping or to a pub, or somewhere else, just to feel less our loneliness.
2007-03-10 13:53:09 · answer #2 · answered by grandma 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is prove to everybody that you have changed, this will take time and will not be easy. As far as the two landlords are concerned you need to find out from them what you need to do to be taken of the pub watch list. Ideally try to make an appointment with one or both of them out side of the pub environment and discuss with them what had happened to you and how you have changed.
A first stop may be to agree with them that if you are allowed back into the pub that you will not drink alcohol.
If they do not want to know then unfortunately you will have to find another pub to use.
2007-03-10 13:28:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To make a new start in life, you probably would want to also change where you hang out. Pick a new place to celebrate, such a restaurant where they don't serve alcohol, or arrange a celebration at your house. Here in my town, there are rooms in hotels and recreation centers that can be rented for a very reasonable fee for parties and such.
You could also consider a visit to an amusement establishment, where all members of the public are welcome. As one other person answered here, you are being judged on the behavior of the general population, not on your own merit. Give up on those other losers, and find a new, bright future for yourself.
2007-03-10 13:24:47 · answer #4 · answered by Yarnlady_needsyarn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiving and forgeting isn't an easy thing to do, trust me. I am a caring person who likes giving people a second chance, and is empathic and can relate to others emotions well and therefore find it easier than most to understand others.
But if someone does something horrible to you and either makes no sense, or makes sense but is totally unfair and unjust, it is difficult to forget. OK concentrate on the future bt what happens if the past repeats itself?
We are afraid of being taken advantage of, it's human nature... We have to protect our own backs.
i think it depends on peoples characteristics on how soon, if at all, they can forgive and forget.
With me, I forgive, but I don't forget... Ever.
and if something is repeated, I will not forget.
I give someone three chances...
1... it was a mistake
2... your taking the mck
3... you aint getting any more chances.
and I think that's fair enough.
But if it's something serious, I think I wouldn't give them a second chance as I have done that in the past and it only leads to bad things and them redoing it... Think about it, if someone is so bad for someone to do then they need help to change their ways, so don't just come with open arms its like a psychological suicide.
My personal opinion, anyway.
2007-03-11 11:10:00 · answer #5 · answered by Deceptive Reality 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know much about that sort of thing but surely there is a time limit on how long such an order can be enforced for? Similar to the one for points on a driving licence etc. Everyone should be given a second chance as you need to prove to them that you are a reformed character. I think that they are being quite unfair. Can you ask your local police about it?
2007-03-10 13:21:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh dear...... this is a little bit of a mess isnt it........ i guess the landlords are just trying to prevent a possible problem from happening. however it does seem that you have changed your ways.....well done to you........ unfortunatly some wounds run deep and in our world where people in general do not stop and look at the person withon but judge on past and sometimes ficticious happenings.
perhaps you could suggest going out to a pub out of town...... slowly over time trust will grow... its just a case of being patient.... good luck and enjoy your sons birthday
anna :)
2007-03-10 15:06:34 · answer #7 · answered by in the truth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could go to the police and convince them to take you off the scheme. It isnt like probation or anything as legal as that, so it cant last for ever, surely.
If they wont, start going further afield, you shouldnt be being punished for ever just cos you went through a bad time.
2007-03-10 13:18:15 · answer #8 · answered by jeanimus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can forgive, I just cant forget
See if you can get them to go to a pub further out
Good luck with your new start, maybe you need a new area to live to go with it?
The past is hard to leave behind when you live in the same streets
2007-03-10 13:22:31 · answer #9 · answered by Northern Spriggan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
isn't there a time limit on your being on there? my friend was on there for fighting and he was taken off after a year. I would go to the police and ask them.
Having said that, the licence holder of the pub has the legal right to refuse enrty for whatever reason they see fit, if you can't convince the landlords then you won't be able to go there.
2007-03-10 13:22:00 · answer #10 · answered by CHARISMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋