How does one attain happiness with oneself?

Question

I've never been truly happy with myself, probably because I end up comparing myself to other people and it doesn't help that I've always struggled with jealousy. I'm ridiculously insecure, which in addition to being annoying and destructive to self-esteem, doesn't help my relationships with people (be they romantic or platonic) because I need a lot of reassurance and get very paranoid that my friends don't really like me or that they're just hanging out with me to be nice.

I'm 20 years old and have been dealing with this my whole life, it's tiring. I need it to stop.

How do I become happy in myself and stop comparing myself to other people? How do I become less jealous and more secure? How do I build my self-esteem?

Answer 1

This comes with maturity. When you truly realize you are a fine person ( unless you really are a jerk) You will feel better. I know your dilemma. I would even associate with people I didn't like just not to be alone. Now I enjoy being by myself. It took many years and rough times to finally discover this. Hopefully you will learn it early and enjoy your precious years.

Answer 2

Be willing to let go of your ego and emotions. I was where you are now. Believe me when I tell you that you are a unique, beautiful, and valuable person. You don't need anyone else to confirm this or reinforce this.

You need to build yourself emotionally and spiritually. You may be able to do this one your own through meditation, but perhaps you'll need to seek spiritual counseling (spiritual, not religious). Your happiness lies within you. Learn to look within and challenge your fears and insecurities. When you challenge them and resolve them, they disappear and the happiness and self-esteem build. The jealousy will fade as you realize your worth.

You can also build esteem by helping others. Don't make this life just about you and what others can do for you. You will find out what a powerful and compassionate person you are when you help someone else who is struggling. What better way is there to feel good about yourself? When you focus on others instead of yourself, you'll have no time for insecurity or jealous.

Answer 3

Well, at least you are aware of the problem and can admit to them. That's a great first step. If you are in public and you get that feeling of nervousness, that blood rushing quick because you feel like you're not all that you should be just try some breathing exercises. Pick friends that you trust and remember why you picked them and don't over-react if you feel paranoid. Remember the facts and don't let your mind trick you into feeling bad. Most importantly love yourself and learn to accept that you are just as good as anyone else!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Just remember this: You are your own person. You can do anything they do.

The thing is, someone will always be better than you at something. It's a fact. But there is certainly something that you are better than everyone else at. That's why I don't stress out if someone does better, because I remind myself of what *I* can do.

Also, to get more secure, start doing your own thing. From your description, I get the sense you are clingier than most. Find something to do on your own time that interests you. It will both help distract you and also give you a new skill to be proud of.

Answer 5

you would be surprised that many people have this kind of problems ,

for me two things worked

one is becoming the buddhist, but I will not ask you to do it;)

second is reading books, my favourite is "fools die" by Mario Puzo and this explains all the conflict that you have with yourself, "our own death wish is our only real tragedy."

the interesing thing that you can find is that there is no such thing as constant happiness, and it is not "coz we dont want it to last" as soon as all stabulizes we look for trouble, coz we cant stand perfection.

When It comes to jelousy I have noticed that it apears when we are not sure about our personal sexual abilites, in meaning dating who ever we want to.

In short you are jelous for somone coz you are afraid to lose this person from your life and you think that none will replace them. What is not true.

All you have to do is realize that you can everything if you only want to.

And in fact it is hard to give you something more than common advices without good analize of your personality , fears , and life experiences and life expectations.

If you do not feel like talking to specialist in eye to eye contact you can feel free to email me and I am sure that somehow we will find the solution, it is aslo good to try find somone who you can trust so you can talk to this person.
The trick is that a lot of solutions comes to your mind just by opening to somone, talking about your problems,
for example I never talk to anyone about my problems, just visualize that I am talking to someone and one hour later there is no problem :)

good luck :)

angelo:)

Answer 6

This an easy one to say but hard to do. You need to love yourself and put everything behind that. Kids, husband, everything. Until you can have elf love you will will continue to have horrible self esteem. Talk to a counselor, he, or she would help you work thought this. It all starts with you are accepting yourself and loving yourself. Good luck, you can do it

Answer 7

you need to develop your spiritual side and forget your self the source of confidence comes from spiritual knowledge and not just from mundane experiences Research what a Baha'i is. then see if you find what you need there.

Answer 8

Try reading the bokk or watching the movie - "The Secret"

Answer 9

Accept yourself and others as they are and let everything else go. Good luck.

Answer 10

Acceptance... complete and total acceptance of yourself.