Why do some people need reassurance that they are loved more so then other people???

Question

If a person craves to be told that they are loved and need affection ALL the time what can they do to overcome this and become more relistic about their expectations without feeling hurt. Could childhood bullying be the cause of this person? What could you do to help them?

Answer 1

its insecurity they feel that they will be left low self esteem adds to it

Answer 2

An overall feeling of insecurity is usually the underlying reason people crave love & reassurance. Yes, childhood bullying could be a cause of it, if it wasn't handled properly at the time. Maybe not enough parental bonding as a child could be the reason a person craves so much affection also. It could be due to a whole gamut of feelings, situations. You ask what you can do to help? I would say, daily doses of love shown verbally & physically. If a person craves love & affection ALL the time, maybe therapy would help, to find out why the person craves so much affection. Maybe once a person feels good about themselves & has great feelings of self esteem & self worth, the craving for affection will subside somewhat. Just my thoughts on the subject.

Answer 3

I think there can be many reasons why people crave attension or love. It's usually feel like it's the only time they feel good about themselves, if they get approval from others...they usually are people who have low confidence and need that reaasurance to know that they must be likeable in some way. Any form of abuse or neglect may have caused this, or possibly someone who just feels unappreciated or not seen. To help them you need to build up their self esteem, if they feel good about themselves they won't need others approval to feel better. I am someone who seeks love from others and often get too attached and as you say have unrealistic expectations...I decided to go see a counsellor to talk things over, it's been really great..so perhaps this is an idea? x

Answer 4

This issue, I believe, relates to self-esteem. A person (like myself) who has low self-esteem, cannot, by definition provide themself with the positive affirmations that we all need to get through life. Instead of positive self talk (ie: "I can do it", "I am worthy" and "I don't deserve that treatement" etc), people with low self esteem instead tend to berate themselves with negative thoughts and assertions, eg: ("I'm really a nasty person, it's just no-one realises it", "I'm ugly", "I'm unloveable" etc). For the person with low self-esteem, their entire sense of "being ok" or even being loveable is measured against how other people react to them. Thus, for someone with low self-esteem, being loved is the most important thing in the world - for me, it basically means that despite what I personally think of myself, someone else loves me, and therefore I must be ok really.

As to the causes - well, I was bullied as a child - I have always been overweight. I also had parents who set very high standards, and went to a school that emphasised achievement above all else. Any of these things could have contributed.

However, there is also anecdotal evidence that I have been self-doubting since about the age of 3, so I'm guessing there is a genetic element here too. Professor Robert Winstone's "Child of our Time" series did some experiments which showed that some of the 5 year olds did seem to intrinsically doubt their own abilities more than others.

As to what you can do about it? I'd keep telling the other person positive things, praise their abilities, and above all, tell them that you are there for them and aren't going to let them down. Counselling might help too - it's not your issue, after all.

Answer 5

I think it is a matter of low self esteem and a trust issue as well. Either the person didn't get enough love as a child or they have been hurt before by a past love or even close friends. Some people don't feel worthy of being loved and don't understand how anyone could love them. I think it takes time and patience with a person like this. You have to show them and tell them that they are loveable and worthy of being loved. Once a feeling of trust is developed, they will relax and be able to accept it.

Answer 6

Insecurities which led to low esteem. You could try to help them but this is a lifetime job youre taking on. Sometimes they never come right and end up as losers. Unfortunately. Getting romantically involved with such a person, you also stand the chance of being brought down as well. Your success will be regarded as a threat and in direct competition. Be careful and make the correct decisions. Very taxing.

Answer 7

Constant attention and care can be the result of more than just childhood bullying, but I think that it does have alot to do with events that happened while they were a child. All that they can really do is come to terms with at they're own doing, whether they need counseling or just time to work through their past.

Answer 8

For many reasons...you are right it ususally stems from childhood....insecurities, low self esteem, feeling unloved or unspecial and it also has to do with there genetical makeup(their genes)..we bring all of this to our relationships....Its important that when you have kids to learn a much as you can and therefore making them the best person they can be. Most importantly we should talk to our children with respect and not yelling or hitting. For now, they just need to ananlyze thier behaviour and why they do it...and what would be abetter way of reacting. Love yourself more

Answer 9

Self Esteem is the ability to not only like your self but also accept yourself.This is not as easy as it seems.Many people don't even know they don't like themselves.You have to really sit down and say to your self this is me like it or not.Some people won't like you no matter what.Love your self first by being true to yourself.Don't be a people pleaser.Stand by your principles.Learn to do with out.Don,t expect to change overnight your negative thought process has been with you a long time.It is your comfort zone.People will always disappoint you even your most trusted friends and love ones.Everybody needs some love and affection.Build up that self esteem so you won't need it as much.

Answer 10

It's a deep seated insecurity; a belief that they are not worthy of being loved. I speak from personal experience. They need to work on themselves emotionally and spiritually. They need to understand that no one else holds the key to their happiness or joy in life. Each of us holds the key to our own happiness. We should not expect anyone else to complete us or bring happiness to us. If this is an adult, they should try meditation, looking within to discover who they are and what will make them happy.

If this is a child, it may be that they have lost someone to death or divorce. They will need extra reassurance that there are others in their life who love them and will take care of them. Tell them you love them, but also teach them to stand on their own. Let me create their own happiness, even if it's being alone, playing with a favorite toy for five minutes. Then come back into the room with them and show them you're not leaving. Increase the time a little bit each day where they have to amuse themselves, build their amusement and joy.

An adult can practice this same thing. Do something that brings you joy; just you. No self-pity allowed. The key is to have no expectations of other people or of certain events each day. Just let each day unfold, flow with what is brought to you and enjoy each moment. Our time here is short and precious. It is to be spent in joy.

Answer 11

Insecurity, self assurance. People like this tend to doubt and need reassurance. It could be something that happened in their past or they are just gentle and unsure by nature. Not everyone is an extrovert.
With constant reassurance and patience they may be able to feel more secure. Mostly I think they are afraid of failure however perceived. Good Luck.