should i ask him for maintenance???

Question

To cut a long story short, i had a daughter to a guy i used to work with 12 years ago, we split up due to him being a compulsive liar and a drug taker, my daughter started getting curious to see what he looked like and a couple of weeks ago so i took her to his parents house to ask them if he was behaving himself nowadays,as i dont want my daughter to meet a drug taker, little did i know he was in the house, anyway she met him and wasnt to impressed he has hardly any teeth and has gained ALOT of weight(bout 7stones) he said this was with coming off the drugs. i kind of regret taking her to see him but it is not for me to say no. her wee illusion was shattered by the image she saw that day. he has practicly been in jail for one thing or another since i had her he told me.
his parents are lovely but i feel he has went so downhill even though he says he is clean. he hasnt gave a penny of maintenance ever to my wee girl or a card.
should i let sleeping dogs lie or do i open a can ofworms

Answer 1

You seem to have done a great job up to now. If your daughter wants to continue to see her father then I think he should support her!! If she doesn't why cause more grieve, I'm sure that you could do without the hassle??

My 16 year old son hasn't seen his dad for about 14years, I have given him everything so I would not bother but this is your situation.. Whatever you decide good luck..

Answer 2

Understand that if you do ask for maintenance, that will open up a door for him to demand more of a relationship with your daughter. If you're not sure he is a good role model to have in your daughter's life then forget the maintenance. Your daughter may want to try and build a relationship with him when she gets older(and that's her right), but by then she will be able to decide if he is worth dealing with or not. It's sad that her father hasn't been there for here, but if he had been there's no telling what kind of trauma it would have added to her life. Be proud in what you have done for her on your own - she will benefit from the example you have set when she has her own children.

Answer 3

u already have been taking care of yourself & your daughtr now again to go thru the same rut will be traumatising to u & your daughtr does your duaghter want him with u then u can put him thru rehabilitation center & psychiatrist to help him as u say his parrents r helpful other wise close the chaptr explanl the consequenses to yopur daughter or u might open a pandora of troubles , life is not a bed of roses so be practical or your life will be ruined.If he is still frequenting jails then do not get to gether live your own life. God blessu.

Answer 4

First off, you did the right thing by getting away from him. Second, your daughter will have questions about her dad no matter what so it is a good thing for her to see him as you supervised the visit. My opinion is that you continue to stay away from him, continue to raise your daughter as best you can. Do not bother with him at all.

Answer 5

This is difficult personally id let it lie from what u say hes a total loser anyway and your daughter deserves better and if she dosen't want to see him again than taking maintanence would stir up alot of trouble especially if he asks for access and why shouldnt he if hes paying only you can decide

good luck

Answer 6

Let sleeping dogs lie. If you expect him to pay now he will start wanting to see his daughter and from what you have said better she did'nt. I'm sure she is better without him.Hope she gets to see her grandparents though.

Answer 7

Let the dog lay in his crap. Looks like to me its would be asking for trouble and l don't think you wont him shedding on your daughter