anyone got alcoholics in their family? If so how do you cope, i just don't want to know them!?

Question

I know this doesn't help them, but i really can't do with them, we all have problems, i know it is a disease but only they can get themselves out of it with help from professionals.
Surely sympathy only makes things worse and condons what they do

Answer 1

My husband of 35yrs is an alcoholic.it just crept up over the years.I have lost count how many times I have asked him to stop or cut down on the drink. He told me I would never change him.I feel as if I'm married to two men the nice guy and the bad guy. I agree with you about not wanting to know them, I can't stand my husband when he is drunk, I have given up on him, only the alcoholic can stop drinking and only if he wants to do this for himself not for the people who are asking him to stop drinking. How many times have I kicked him out and he has came back telling me he will stop drinking, it lasts for 3 months then he is drinking again,I have lost count. Yes they manipulate you into feeling sorry. Only yesterday morning I went downstairs at 8.30 and saw him drinking brown ale,Asked him what does he think he was doing at that time of the morning, he told me to ---- --- I'd had enough so I told him the same and kicked him out, I've never seen him ,I don't want to and he is not getting back in the house. I have got it into my head once and for all "Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic" only a small percentage want to change, my husband told me that years ago but I thought I could change him I couldn't. I'm going to get on with my life instead of it revolving around him, so all I can say Is good ridance. Alcoholics, you have to live with one to know one.

Answer 2

I live with an alcoholic. Only THEY can decide what they want to do about tackling their alcoholism. One of the most surprising thing I learned from Al-Anon was that I was actually enabling him to keep drinking. I would make excuses for him when he embarrassed me in public; I would collect him from the city when he missed the last bus after staying in the pub tll closing. I did all the driving, organised all the bill paying.

These days I don't drive him anywhere; If he's boozing with his mates, I just leave him there. I made him take responsibility for paying some bills, which he now does. I also allowed myself to get very angry at him several times when he was sober; telling him exactly what he was like when drinking. I've left him twice and thrown him out twice.

I don't sympathise with him at all. He does not believe there is anything wrong . He calls his boozing "a few drinks".

You get on with your own life. no matter what you do, you will never change how the alcoholic behaves; only he can do that.

Answer 3

You may be right in distancing yourself, esp. if the person is surrounded by people who are enabling their behaviour. Alcoholics are very good at manipulating others and making their problems seem someone else's responsability. It's often their only conception of a relationship. Don't let it become your only one.
If you can stay away, and you know you can't help, don't. Live your life. There's nothing anyone can do until they decide life is more than the drink.
I have 2 alcoholic siblings and it was terrible the way my parents danced attendance on them, wasting time, energy and resources while the rest of the family went to h*ll in a handbasket. The 2 people continued to drink. One died of it, the other bled my aged mother's bank account white to pay for his habits. And yet I'm horrible because I "have no sympathy." Darn tootin I don't.

Answer 4

The only way an alcoholic can be helped is first, they must realize they have a problem and want to get help. Most people do not know how to help someone with this problem however, the only advice I can give is this: After someone has gone through the detox and cleaned themselves of the problem, be supportive and avoid the "triggers" that caused the person to become an alcoholic, if possible.

Answer 5

my father in law who has died from the alcolism was a chronic alocoholic and this is not seen as an illness but it is it can be very frustrating to watch someome you care about self distruct in this way my brother in law i believe is an alcoholic and i feel like you i dont wanna be near him but at the end of the day we have to be there for him and live in the hope that one he will accept he has a problem and get help and not leave it too late like my father in law did because by the time he wanted help it was too late i think all u can do is be there for him and try to encourage him to get help the best thing he could probably do is go inot rehab which u can now get done through the gp but they have ot be willing to get the help or it is not any good my thoughts are with u cause i know what a hard thing it is with u so good luck to u annd your family

Answer 6

Call Al-Anon. It's for friends and families of alcoholics. They help you learn how to cope. It should be in the front pages of your telephone book. They have meetings everywhere!

Answer 7

I just live MY life to the best of my ability, I don't hang out with the family except for holidays.

Answer 8

I'm an alcoholic that comes from a long line of them. This is how people feel about me, because I am unlovable because of it.

Answer 9

my wife is a alcoholic who is very violent when she drinks she leaves me all the time for her ex i just leave her alone and when we r together i dont get any alcohol to make her that way good luck

Answer 10

I didn't cope i divorced. I would rather see people smoke pot .