hubby had sex 4 times with same chick in nov-jan. this chick is a family friend with her own hubby who apparantly fell in love/lust with mine and had been flirting with him constantly behind my back. he said it was only drunk sex the first time, car quickies after that, that he never had any emotions for her. now that i know why he cheated we are working on the marraige communication and sex life and hes getting it like 6 times a week! he says this was all he ever wanted and that he swears on his kids and the bible he will never cheat on me again.
would you consider 4 times within a 2 month time period to be one night stands? or long term affair? would you consider that as no emotions involved sex? would you forgive that if hubby confessed right afterwards and changed his behaviors completely even accepting the lord?
2007-03-10 03:56:26 · 8 answers · asked by maylene1852 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
for the girl who asked. im hoping i will be able to deal. i know and he knows i will probably never trust him again. now i will be constantly checking up on him. its been 6 weeks since he confessed and things are slowly getting back to normal. in the beginning it was all i could think about and it was making me crazy. see a counselor they really help you to see things in a new light. with a counselor we have been able to work on our communication and have found the reason for the cheating. the only reason, lack of a sex life. now that this is fixed the dh is certain and has promised and i believe him he will never cheat again. he knows what will be the consequences, losing me and his kids forever. what irks me almost everyday is that he didnt confess till the 4th time, but at least he confessed. i never would have known and our sex life wouldve continued being bad and our marraige suffering. i would rather know and fix it. what doesnt break us can make us stronger.
2007-03-10 04:17:05 · update #1
he have 6 years together and 2 small babies 3 and 1. its not so easy to leave now. had i been childless i would have definately kicked him to the curb. but as it is he is a great father, i will not deny my kids of that. and he was great with me, like i said i was blissfully unaware of this so him confessing seem to me a good sign. he couldve not told me you know? he has changed A LOT. going to church on a weekly basis. taking me out on dates. coming straight home from work every day. stopped drinking, and going out, in fact will no longer go out on weekends if not with me and/or kids and definately no more clubs ever since he needs to resist temptacion. he is reading the bible everyday, threw out all cds and restocked himself with christian ones, agreed to go to counseling with me, started texting me love messages everyday, and has agreed i have every right to know his passwords, check his phone and be calling as much as i like. he knows he has to earn my trust back
2007-03-10 04:23:37 · update #2
Listen, hun there is nothing wrong with giving you rhusband a second chance. It's your life and your decisions. Don't let anyone make you feel like crap because you want to repair your marriage for the sake of your kids, your love for him, whatever it may be.
He may very needed more sex and expressed that to you but you didn't listen. It was very wrong of him to go to another woman, very wrong, but you decided to forgive him and that's YOUR decision.
Sometimes life is complicated and we have to roll with the punches. If he is remorseful and really seems like he's changed then it is worth another try.
About whether it's one night stands or an affair, does it really matter, he cheated that's the bottom line. He knew what he was doing and did it a few times, now he has a lot to make up for and should be very sorry for what he has done.
I hope you stopped talking to that friend though.
2007-03-10 04:08:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ouch - sorry for your situation. First of all, ditch the so-called family friend. She certainly has not acted like one to your family. Is there any such thing as "drunk" sex? And car quickies still aren't any less of a sexual experience. I think he may have tried what was out there, and may be desperately wanting to keep what he had. AS for accepting the lord, that's great news. His confession was nice of him as well. A change in behaviours is great. However, your husband has been intimate with someone else. Not just once. If there were no emotions, why would he choose to do it again even if he was drunk the first time? I'm going through sort of the same thing, but I tell you that while I haven't made up my mind completely, I can't bear to look at him. I keep seeing someone else kissing him, and touching him. If he had been perfectly happy, this never would have happened. The lord can't even help you there. But YOU, like I, must accept responsability for your own happiness. Can you live with uncertainty, and the question of if he will remain loyal? Let me know - because I'm not sure if I can either.
2007-03-10 12:06:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does it really matter if it was 4 times or 40 times or only 1 time in 2 months. Whether it was just for sex or with some emotions involved does not matter either. What matters is that one of the partners fell to the instinct, be it momentary or planned.
Definately something is wrong with the communication between the two of you. If two people have decided to live their lives together they should atleast have the guts to tell their partners what they expect from each other and work to fullfill each other's expectations.It is not a matter of forgiving your partner. It is a matter of taking note of the way your relationship is going. Both of you sit down together, identify the reasons, sort out the problems and take care of each other. Remember every relationship requires efforts to keep it going. But the outcome for the effort put in is great.
2007-03-10 12:39:09 · answer #3 · answered by fun guy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
call it what you will....don't sugar coat it....I don't wanna judge anyone....but it's simple....your husband was f u c ki ng another chick in a car.
Don't make this seem better or worse than it really is. By doing so you are owning his behavior. (Eve knew good and evil in her OWN mind when she ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil). Don't do this.
as far a confessing his sin and all that...whatever....I'm a Believer as well....but, it seems like your husband is just putting up a front. You don't need a revelation from God to know that you shouldn't be having sex in a car with someone that is not your wife.
2007-03-10 12:05:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say that it is a long term affair. It seems he is either really trying hard to prove that he is changed or really trying to pull the wool over your eyes so you do not suspect him anymore. I would forgive him with the first woman, but if another woman came along he would be out the door. Then again I am not sure I would even be over the fact that he cheated on me to begin with. He would have to do a lot to prove to me that he has changed.
Good luck!
2007-03-10 12:10:12 · answer #5 · answered by smilingblonde85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think long and hard before you make a definite decision. Nothing wrong with giving him a second chance.
All it seems like is that he wanted more sex. Your giving it to him now everything should be cool. It was just sex with her for him. Still it doesn't make it right.
Think before you stay.
2007-03-10 12:46:19 · answer #6 · answered by Chuck 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is hurting with you. Try to help him understand that you love him and you`ll both work things out. I bet it`s eating him up inside.It was just lust and fantasy that coeherced him into cheating...Give him another try, and he has accepted God..
2007-03-10 17:18:14 · answer #7 · answered by lost2day 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be desperate. Hell why don't you just do her to .Don't forget about her husband I'm sure he would like to get his rocks off to.
2007-03-10 12:08:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋