Abortion is not an option (wife wouldn't go for it), but I am exceedingly depressed about this situation. I fear for my mental and emotional health, not to mention the stress it will put on my marriage. I'm worried that the feeling on not wanting the child will continue after the birth, and I will resent the child - not exactly responsible parenting. I'm going to give therapy a try, but feel I'm going down the tubes and won't recover. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated. The fears stem not from financial reasons, but my unhappiness will lead to severe depression.
2007-03-10 03:20:25 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your stress is completely normal. Good for you for realizing that it is a problem and attacking it with therapy. I am confident that you will not feel that way the first time you hold the little baby in your arms. You have months to get used to the thought and idea, I am sure that it will only get better.
Remember if everyone waited until they were financially ready to have a baby there would be about 15 babies born a year. You will find a way to make it work. You will cut back on little things. You are already a more responsible parent then 99% of the people who post in here. You are married before having your children. That alone says that you are probably equipped to deal with this.
How does your wife feel? Have you talked to her about this? Sometimes your spouse is the best person to seek comfort from. Do not be surprised if she is not super understanding because she is probably scared as well and is looking for you for support.
I feel bad for men sometimes because everyone is so excited about the baby and giving the expectant mother a lot of attention and support. However, the man is focused on how he is going to pay for the new baby and college and braces and school clothes and bikes. It is a huge mental and emotional strain. At the same time if the husband is not emotionally supporting the wife there is going to be trouble. It just adds to the stress. Take some comfort in knowing that pretty much every man has to go through the same thing.
When our third was was on the way, she was not planned, my husband freaked. He then lost his job when she was a few months old, it turned out to be a blessing because he found a way better job. But during the pregnancy he was withdrawn and depressed. He just could not figure out how we were going to afford her. Then when I was 6 months I had to go on bed rest and he had to care for our 2 and 5 year olds by himself. I really thought that he was going to crack. He pulled through because he had to, that what dads do. He was not resentful of the baby when she came. He actually seemed releaved. It all worked out because we made it work. I will say he ran to the doctor and got a vacetamy before she was a month old. There is a thought for you.
Good luck and congratulations!
2007-03-10 03:50:41 · answer #1 · answered by chanajane3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya never know, this little guy that your wife is carrying could be your future best friend or the sweetest girl in the world that makes you want to cry everytime you see her smile.
Sounds like this is just a part of your life that you werent ready for or didnt plan on. But it is going to happen. I think you'll feel very differently when your child arrives.
Glad youre going to counseling. I think this will all be over when the baby is born. Dont stress too much. Make a bassinet for the baby to be passed on from generation to generation. Each owner will tell the story of how building it made you accept and actually look forward to the birth of this child. I dont know, sounded good when I wrote it.
Good luck.
2007-03-10 11:38:48 · answer #2 · answered by My_Two_Centz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get some therapy, find out what it is that is causing unhappiness. communication with your wife is most important. sometimes when we do what is right in spite of the circumstances we are in we get blessed, as this life we live isn't really about us, its about giving to others. u won't resent the child, get some therapy, work it out. maybe it has to do with u have no faith in your marriage or its future.
2007-03-10 11:49:11 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you didn't want another child then you shouldn't have unprotected sex, or you should have done something YOURSELF to insure the inablity to create childre (ever hear of vasectomy?) The fact that you don't WANT another child is now a moot point...You're going to get one...suck up and deal with it and maybe discuss a vasectomy with your family physician.
2007-03-10 15:09:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get counseling. Contact a family counselor or church and set up an appointment.
However, most likely your feelings will change once the baby is born. Let's hope so.
2007-03-10 11:26:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I can only suggest BEING VEGAN for mother and baby if you are already not vegan. Secondly well there is the option of ADOPTION.
There are some families/parents who would want to raise children but can not for whatever reason.
www.pennstate.20fr.com
2007-03-10 11:47:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
children are gifts.. this one may turn out to be the most wondeful joy to you. embrace their arrival-
then go get a vasectomy!!!!!!!
2007-03-10 11:33:06 · answer #7 · answered by ann s 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋