my husband and i have been married for 10yrs we have 2 children out the blue he tells me he doesnt love me but

Question

we sat and chatted we have no arguments things have been normal but he doesnt know the reason.he has now moved to his parents but wants to do things as normal.he also wants to know everything im doing or where im going

Answer 1

The fact that you both still get on with one another and that he also wants to know what your are doing all the time, tells me he does still love you.
Sadly after 10 years of marriage, a majority of couples would probably say that they love one another deeply but just aren't in love with one another.
Ten years of marriage is rather a lot to throw away, have you thought about seeing if you could both come to some kind of arrangement whereby you spend quality time together and try to do things together that you probably have not done since you got married. Sort of re-live your courtship.
I would try to see if he is willing to give the marriage another go and try to do things together, I don't mean be joined at the hip but to just try to have fun together, which very rarely happens after a decade of marriage, because you get into the boring routines and everything does unfortunately become rather humdrum.

Answer 2

The problem that most people face is that they get caught up in the daily grind and forget romance. A man needs to know that he is wanted and desired and a woman needs to know that she is loved and respected.
It sounds like you have a good relationship and he still cares about you.
From a man's point of view we don't like to be pushed. I don't know what frame of mind he is in so I can't say what he would do, but the thing you can do is invite him to some alone time between you and him. Like i said, don't push... Invite. From your part you need to invite the romance back. If he doesn't accept it then you've done your best.
Take the higher ground. You can only control your own thoughts and feelings. Forgive where needed. Show kindness and understanding. Love in the best way you can.
No matter how much it hurts, if it comes to that, you can move on. You are not the first person to hear those words from a spouse and you won't be the last.

Answer 3

I think you need to keep talking if you still want to have a relationship with him.

He is being a bit selfish wanting to know the ins and outs of your life after doing tis to you but I guess he is at the stage of 'I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you'.

Has he spoken to his GP? This could be a symptom of an underlying depression especially at this time of year - has he ever seemed a bit 'down' in the winter before? That would tie in with saying 'I'm unhappy but I don't really want to let you go.' Do you have a good relationship with his mum? If so maybe the two of you could meet for coffee and see if she thinks he might be depressed. IF you have been together this long it might also be a bit of mid-life crisis and the best you can do then is hope that he can sort his head out a bit - counselling might help. There are now counsellors who specialise in men's problems (my friend is one) and someone like that might be able to help him.

Answer 4

have you two tried to talk to someone about this? 10 years is a long time to just throw away....I know. try going out on dates...have someone watch the kids and you two set up romantic dates...it helps. don't give up just yet...tell him that maybe you two just need a little time apart, but want to try to save this marriage...I know that is a hard to do with you being apart, but it does work. it makes you both realize just how much you need each other. I know this, because I have been with the same person for 13 years (as of May) and we have been apart (living separate for 2 1/2 years now) and we are realizing how much we love and need each other....he is even thinking about moving where I am. I wish you the best.

Answer 5

He wants his cake and to eat it too. If he doesn't love you and has moved out then too bad for him. He lost that right when he moved out. You only commonality now is your children. If he wants to know how his children are doing or what they are doing fine, but that's where the line is drawn.
Seems like maybe someone else might have piqued his interest and he wants to test the waters with this person but have you in check just incase the grass isn't greener on the otherside.
If he wants to sample the green grass then you should put up a gate on your grass.

Answer 6

I'm sure he loves you but may not be "in love" with you anymore. Once the pressures of family get involved, and time, we can easily let our lives drift apart.
Try dating each other, once a week to start and see how it goes from there. If he moves back in, make sure you still go out at least once a week on a date and have additional "alone, adult" time. This situation could turn around.

Answer 7

WRONG. A spouse has every right to know what their spouse is doing. BUT, when you move out, that right ceases. Until and unless he asks to return home, tell him NOTHING about what you are doing, or who you are seeing. Don't act as though he's still your husband. He CHOSE to leave, so let him live as a single guy. I also urge you to contact the courts, so that hubby can start paying child support. Don't chat with him on the phone, have lunches, or sleep with him. Don't try to make this separation easier on him. And, don't live in limbo indefinitely. He should come home, or you should divorce him.

Answer 8

i would say he loves you but has fell out of love
like the spark is gone he doesn't quite feel theway he did

two kids 10 years thats alot of good and bad times and memories to throw away

maybe you to need a week end get away alone

you need the romance back the spark

every one suggests a counselor and i think thats a last option

think back where was your first date go there again find some where to go parking
with children i know a sitter is some times hard to find but every once in a while what would it hurt

feel young again live

GOOD LUCK WISHING THAT EVERY THING TURNS OUT FOR THE BEST

Answer 9

If he had disclosed those thoughts approximately little ones formerly you have been married, might it have been a deal breaker? it variety of feels to me you have each and every genuine to sense tricked as he reported one difficulty and now he needs to do something else. in case you want little ones and he does not and your window of probability passes you by technique of, you'll be able to strengthen to resent him. i won't think of my existence without babies and can inform you that definite there are some very puzzling moments. however the advantages a great way outweighs the rest. i think of you may sit down down and talk with him and ask him if he thinks that is honest to you that he has replaced his concepts and how might he sense in case you were the only that tricked him.

Answer 10

Well frist of all LOVE is'nt like a light switch. You can't turn it off and on when you feel like it. And whats normal about him moving out? Nothing!
When it comes to the kids, be honest and dont hide things from them because they know more than you think. They need they'er dad and mom. As far as him having a leash arround your neck wanting to know every move you make, well thats up to you. But personaly I think you owe him nothing.
It seems to me that he already found someone to replace you so move on. Don't let this man hold you back.And as for him not knowing well he is full of shi*.