wants to revolt?

Question

hi everyone.. i want to revolt against abusive husband .. i used to be a very happy girl before M but after marrying to my hubby i am just sad always ... i have forgotten the days when i used to cheer every moment of my life . I am not allowed to do anything besides being professionally qualified. I am loosing confidence in myself.. Becoz of dirty rules of society i am suggested to do adjustment always ..Hard Realities overcome emotions when we have kids with us . I wanna live .. i want to try myself once again in life but not feeling enough confident .. why i am so hurt just by my husband ,... i want to detatch myself emotionally from him ..he never loved me .. why do i love him .. why i am so afraid not to revolt .. standing up for oneself is no crime then why i am not able to dare ....He got all happiness of his life as he was already involved with someone before M but its me who feel vaccum of emotions in my life ..Whats the best way to survive? so many q... i have asked ..thx

Answer 1

When we marry, we think we have found the "one". When you are an independent, intelligent soul who has enjoyed life previous to marriage and you finally settle on the man you think you can live out the rest of your life with, then it hurts like hell to find out that the man you thought was the "one" turns out to be nothing more than an abuser. Of course it knocks your self-esteem around - how could I be so stupid, we say to ourselves. We question everything about ourselves....we start to see ourselves in a totally different light.....why? because we have been duped.....we have been treated like an idiot.....our love and good nature has been totally abused by someone who claims they love you. When you are a confident self-assured woman, you believe that your husband couldnt cheat on you....you love yourself (I dont mean that in an egotistical way either), so you expect that your husband would love you just the same....you expect that he could never love another woman the way he loves you.....thats healthy...thats how you should be thinking. When you find out he doesnt love you the way he should, it affects your entire psyche...you question yourself, you start to take it all onboard and wonder what you did that made him stray. We all do that because loving someone is an emotion...so we think of everything that happens within our "love" relationship on an emotional level. There are very few people who have been hurt by their love who can think logically. Everyone is responsible for the way they behave. Everyone must take responsibility for the choices they make....including the bad ones....sure, there are reasons leading up to why a person does what they do, but the actually doing is the responsibility of the person who is doing it.....and no-body should blame themselves for the actions of another person. I guess that is the reason our self esteem gets knocked around when your spouse cheats or treats you badly because you are thinking what you could have done or not done to prevent it from happening......WRONG....your spouse did what he did because he has free will....he could have taken another course...he could have done things a lot differently, but he chose the wrong way....not your fault. Two dont become one when we marry....there are two individual people from totally different backgrounds coming together in an attempt to live together peaceably......and usually it is only when something horrible happens do you realise that you have become co-dependent or totally dependent on your partner for you emotional happiness.....it happens to us all...the co-dependency I mean, thats normal....its only when we become totally dependent on our partner for our emotional happiness does it become a real problem, because when that happens we tend to put up with shite from our partner because we have become dependent on him/her for our emotional happiness.

You seem like a very intelligent woman...what you are asking/saying is what a lot of us have felt in our lifetime. You know what it is to be really happy...you lived it before you got married. This man has made you question a lot of things about yourself....and one thing you need to ask yourself, but firstly before you do this try very hard to take the emotion out of it...think totally logically for a minute. Do you deserve to be treated this way? Have you got enough self esteem left to answer that question honestly? If you have any scrap of self confidence left then the answer would be, of course you dont deserve to be treated this way. You are living a nightmare, and until you can get out of this situation your mind will be a mess and you will be having all sorts of doubts about yourself....Your husband is doing the wrong thing, he is treating you badly and you dont deserve it. I guess the real question here is are you prepared to be treated like a second rate citizen, and if you arent, then you have a couple of choices to make......confront him, tell him that you dont deserve any of his crap and unless he starts to wake up to himself and work on the relationship then you will leave. Maybe suggest counselling.....if he blames you for everything and refuses to make changes then start loving yourself again to leave. I know you love him even though he treats you badly...but with time, when you find your self esteem again, you will realise that love is a two way street, and if he doesnt return your love, then it is doomed. You will never see clearly, nor will you ever get your self esteem back again whilever you stay in this abusive relationship....You have to distance yourself from the emotion....and my suggestion is.....you leave him...maybe not forever...maybe just a trial separation to give you some time to get your head together and find your self worth again. You need this space to put all the pieces of the jigsaw back into place because right now the pieces are all over the place.

As much as you love him, love yourself more.....find yourself again......To hell with societies rules...society is not living your life...you are. If you are unhappy and you know what you need to do to make you happy, then you have to do it. Children, in my experience, have never been enough to keep a marriage together, as a matter of fact a child raised in a family where one or both of the parents are unhappy usually end up with quite a few emotional issues themselves. Parents think they hide their unhappiness, but kids are very intuitive and they pick up on it. So, there is no reason for you to stay in this miserable marriage.....the kids are not better off.....the love is only one sided....you are feeling miserable....your self esteem is getting less and less by the day. Your confidence in yourself is nothing like it was pre marriage. You dont feel loved and appreciated, so pretty soon you arent going to have much left. You are asking this question so you do have a little bit of self esteem left...you are realising you dont deserve to live like this......so scoop up your pride and do something about your husbands unacceptable behaviour of you. Maybe instead of thinking so emotively, start working on a plan to get out of this abusive marriage.....start making phonecalls.....start getting your support system in place for when you do leave. Dont just up and leave in an emotional outburst.....make your plan of exit sensibly.

Dont do this to yourself anymore....enough is enough. You have lost too much of your confidence now. You talk about not having the confidence to revolt.....its not revolt, it is called taking back your power and asserting your rights as a human being.....You can do it.

Answer 2

Girl,honestly I completely understand what you're going through. First thing you have to do is decide how you want to live your life. The questions you have to ask yourself is ..Am I really happy? Are my kids happy?? Do I want to live this way ?? Then ,decide where to move on. I can't tell you how to survive this ,because there is no easy answer.You -Yourself have to have the motivation to move on and become whole again. No one deserves to be hit on or screamed at or even feel belittled. And no one can make you happy until you're happy with yourself. If he doesn't love you..Why are with him?
You may feel as if you do love him,but honey love is unconditional it comes from something so much more than this. Love doesn't get abused. You have to get the strengh up to do what makes you happy. Again,You have to be happy and satisfy everything you desire. Life is short.
You are not alone. I have been through this once before and I tell you what I am so much happier being the person I am now and the life I have now with my husband and child.
Don't hesitate to im me if you need someone to talk to .
Hope this helps!!
Best Wishes!!

Answer 3

First thing to do - Start an Exercise program immediately, this will help with your self esteem and confidence. Second thing to do is start saving money in a way that only you have access to it and prepare to leave this situation. Mentally prepare and financially prepare and then get the hell out there. Good Luck and be strong.

Answer 4

go ahead and revolt .but be prepared for the eventuality for life has so many turns.it never works the way we want it

Answer 5

If you are so unhappy then get a divorce and move on.If you stay in this pathetic marriage you have nobody to blame but yourself...

Answer 6

take care of yourself, move on!

Answer 7

so leave the idiot.