My husband is having an affair with my best friend and I am not in a financial position to leave him right now. He doesn't know that I know about said affair. I am setting up a plan to take care of myself but I need about a year. Would it be wrong to start meeting people with the possibility of meeting Mr. Right? I need someone to make me feel good about myself. I think I am an attractive, nice, kindhearted woman and I need someone to feel connected to and appreciated by. My husband is an emotional/mental abuser and I have forgiven him everytime over the years and I just can't forgive him this time.
2007-03-10 01:22:02 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Finding somebody now would be wrong, and silly. Just because you married a slimy cheater, is no reason to become one yourself. Besides, it'll be better if you take the year to get ready to leave, without letting hubby have clue his world is gonna crash around him. AFTER you leave, then it'll be time to consider a new relationship. So, salt away all the cash you can manage, and let Mr. Spermy just keep playing games. Then, screw him as hard as you can manage, using a good lawyer.
2007-03-10 02:34:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your situation. I can understand you wanting to "set yourself up financially", but I seriously think waiting weeks, let alone a year is going to be very difficult.
It doesn't matter if he's "cheating", it's not an excuse for you to do the same thing. You are neither legally, financially or emotionally ready to "find Mr. Right".
It isn't up to someone else to make you feel good about yourself (and it never works). It's up to "you" to do that. You need some professional help to work through your situation. Counseling can provide you with the tools you need to help you build your self-esteem. It can also help you see your situation more objectively. This will enable you to make the decisions you need to make.
First and foremost you need to take care of yourself. Jumping into bed with someone else while you are still married isn't going to improve your "self-esteem". As tempting as it might seem, you won't be ready to meet "Mr. Right" until you have divorced your husband and resolved any emotional issues you have.
Unless you are willing to work out your "issues" before you meet someone new, you're only going to drag all your old "baggage" into a new relationship. Do yourself a favor and take the time to get it right, you owe it to yourself.
I wish you all the best.
2007-03-10 01:39:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
To each his own, but I wouldn't lower myself to his level and become a cheater. Besides, anyone you met while still married would not be a Mr. Right. Always you would carry the stigma of messing around on your husband and if you would do so on him you very well might on another husband. I don't understand the financial position thing...if we all waited to get married when we were financially set or had children when we were financially able or died with our financies in oder what a wonderful world we'd live in. If he is a cheater then you need to leave now, not later,if he is abusive physically and/or mentally the law will be on your side no matter what the financial situation is today. You deserve to be in a relationship that is equal
2007-03-10 01:50:41 · answer #3 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not really about wrong or right anymore. Your husband is obviously not the issue here, you are. You are planning to leave when you are ready and part of that plan is to find someone to ease you through that transition and make you feel good.. Problem is you're going from the pot to the frying pan., having a little fun is one thing, but be careful because, this will be a time you need to learn more about yourself without some guy screwing it up. Good luck and be careful.
2007-03-10 01:39:29 · answer #4 · answered by Trish 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-18 00:49:08 · answer #5 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way I would start meeting people right now is if there was another couple with you. Where hubby does not know that you know about his affair and you start seeing someone and he finds out he could try and get you for having an affair and divorce you and you could end up with NOTHING because of it. He might try getting a divorceon the grounds of adultry. Something to think about.
2007-03-10 01:30:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Before you put your master plan into action, consider this: What if you do meet "Mr. Right" but your husband finds out about it? He could divorce you and leave you with nothing.
If you want to get out, fine. But do it on the straight and narrow so that later on no crafty lawyer can throw your actions up against you in court. (And you have to know they will!)
You'll have plenty of time to find a new hubby after the divorce.
2007-03-10 01:30:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
How does stooping to his level make you even? As far as not being financially able to leave...you have half of the marital assets...anything in the bank whether it is in his name alone or not is a marital asset and you ARE entitled to half of it, if you own a home that is a marital asset and you ARE entitled to half, if you don't want to live in the house then you need to have him buy out your share of the house. If he has a 401 plan through his employer, that is a marital asset and you ARE entitled to half of what is in that account minus taxes when it is split. Those three alone should be enough to finance a lawyer to get a divorce started, you can have it in the decree that he pays all lawyer's fees as well as court costs as well...now tell me again how you're not financially prepared...or is it that you don't WANT to be prepared?
2007-03-10 07:28:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Number 1...she is NOT your best friends...best friends don't take husbands...and 2 wrongs don't make a right...Put husband out and seek legal advice about alimony...you can get an emergency hearing if needed, it seems like he has had enough opportunities to fix his problems..but if you start seeing someone..it could backfire and he get you for adultery....Just think smart and be careful..think of yourself and your future....Gather all of your evidence before making a big life altering decision...
2007-03-10 02:21:59 · answer #9 · answered by foxygirl29303 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really are a nice kindhearted woman, getting even will not make you feel good about yourself. You reap what you sow - your husband and your ex-best friend will get theirs. I kind of think it's crazy to wait a year to get away from him - isn't there anything else you can do, or anywhere else you can go??
2007-03-10 02:15:49 · answer #10 · answered by Zabes 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋