My husband & I used to party hard. We broke up after 2 years, spilt for one & got back together 3 years ago, now married. He may have cheated during those first 2 years. He'd go out drinking without me, text constantly & not say who to, plus a girl told me she slept with him (he denies this). 6 mnths ago I realised I was a drunk & stopped drinking. My husband cut down but still gets drunk sometimes-mostly when he is out without me, which happens more now as I feel uncomfortable in bars. I feel jealous when he's out drinking, because I feel like I miss out on socialising & also because I worry he misses the fun me and finds the drinking etc more enjoyable & that he will want his old lifestyle back. He's doing another musical show soon & that involves drinking... I'm scared. His behaviour above before we first broke up all started with a show. Talking doesn't work-he feels I'm controlling. Essentially, I'm jealous of his relationship with booze & don't want to be as it makes it worse.
2007-03-10 00:10:52 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't miss the partying, because you're right- it wasn't fun. Not the way I did it anyway. We both contributed to each others drinking- only I was the one to stop it. For years I wanted to change our lifestyle but I felt powerless to stop-I'd get a few drinks in me and my good intentions would go. I abdicated a lot of responsibility for my life, I know that. When I say I miss socialising it's not the bar hopping, flirting, vomiting, saying and doing things I regret, I miss. It's learning to function in a society where alcohol consumption is the norm, particularly in my country where binge drinking is a major issue. At this stage, for me, it means changing my whole social life. And I haven't regretted that- I regret only that he hasn't as much as I have. Than again, you can't make anyone do anything. That's why my question was how to let go of worrying about what he does.
I didn't marry him to have a party buddy. But sometimes I wonder if he did.
2007-03-10 01:43:03 · update #1
Remember the reasons you took him back.
It is very hard to change somebody who doesn't want to change, it will only cause more frustration and stress on your part. Meet on common ground somewhere between the two if you can - if you can't then I suggest you see a counsellor.
2007-03-10 00:14:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow.... Appears to me that you were/ have been a contributor to the alcoholism... Certainly condoning and participating. You loved the "party" life until the party went on without you. Isn't that about right?
Well, this isn't normal or appropriate behavior for a committed couple and I honestly don't know why some ppl believe it is.
Did you get married to have a "party buddy"? You didn't need a husband for that...and he didn't need a wife the same. There are plenty of alcoholics in the bars along the streets of this country that would work just fine for that purpose. Oh... maybe that's not "sexy" enough?
Good Grief.... Here we are again, "the pot calling the kettle black".
You can't make your husband take responsibility for his alcholism but you CAN change your own life.
The "fun" you? I'm sure he does miss the "drunk" you b/c when you're in an intoxicated state, you're inhibitions are pretty well out the door... you don't have to feel the weight of adult responsibility, etc.. etc..... You can just glide right on through life sitting in the bar and blaming every bad judgment call, every affair, etc...etc... on the alcohol.
I really don't know what to tell you other than you need to let go of the past because it's gone...it's history and it's not something that you can ever go back, retrieve and ammend. Move forward with life and don't start drinking and partying again... (I stll don't comprehend the whole "partying" mentality...drunk is not fun)
Tell your husband "what it is" and understand that he may not like to hear it because that would force him to behave responsibly, leave him no loophole for excuses and face issues he may not want to face.... but you literally cannot force him to do anything... It's his life and he'll continue to trash it if he chooses....
If he feels as though communicating about this is you "controlling" him, he's ridiculous and that's his excuse not to have to stop the behavior and not be held accountable to you. HERE is your own example of what I was referring to earlier... He's a drunk and if you dare let him know it, you are being a control freak... (not true but this is one of the many excuses)
YOU don't MAKE him do anything btw... He makes his own choices.... He may "blame" you but he is a big boy and makes his own choices....
You are his wife and he definately IS accountable to you, as you are to him.....**both of you to eachother to some degree.
Problem here is that neither of you even began your relationship in a healthy manner....
That is a whole other topic......
2007-03-10 09:18:13 · answer #2 · answered by ~Me~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a doctor - but your husband sounds like an alcoholic to me. Of course he loves his "booze" more than he loves you. Unfortunately, unless he wants help (or is ready to get it), there isn't much you can do about his drinking. I understand why you are concerned but that's no reason for you to be "jealous" of his relationship with "booze"!
Let me congratulate you for "not" drinking, and realizing it was a problem. Successful marriages are based on love and respect, as long as your husband is drinking he isn't capable of showing you either.
It's up to you to decide what you want from your marriage. If your husband is unwilling to change, then you have to decide whether or not you are willing to continue to live like this.
Seeking help for yourself might be a good idea. Counseling can provide emotional support and guidance to enable you to make an informed decision about your marriage.
Good luck to you, don't settle for less than you deserve.
2007-03-10 08:30:52 · answer #3 · answered by Mugsy's Place 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak with him and let him know that you're concern about his drinking habits. Ask him to cut down on his drinks and return home early. On your part, it no point worrrying yourself sick. Learn to relax and let things be. Thing like this is beyond your control. If you still love him, let him be so long as he returns home every nite.
2007-03-10 08:15:11 · answer #4 · answered by SGElite 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you have gotten yourself sober .....I know it is hard but don't give up or in to the fantasy that he is having fun...you know better and you also know that you cannot make him stop drinking by talking or anything else....Protect yourself and don't expose yourself to any of the old triggers....you may have to leave him again to stay sober and maybe that will be his bottom and he will decide to sober up.....think of yourself first..you know that is the only person you can help...good luck
2007-03-10 08:18:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its just the booze you are jealous off, you know he is cheating so just dump him.
this is what I just don't understand, I would love to find a descent girl but you all seem to be with losers and put up with it, WHY....
2007-03-10 08:16:54 · answer #6 · answered by Archie. 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only one solution to this is Jesus Christ. Plaese pray to him you and your husband will be saved.
2007-03-10 08:15:18 · answer #7 · answered by sunlight 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to socialize with him. go with him. drunk mistakes destroy lives. love your husband, be with him, pray for him.
2007-03-10 08:15:12 · answer #8 · answered by wassupmang 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋