How do you deal with a gay co-worker who is so mean and aloof to you even if you haven't done anything to him?

Question

I really don't understand him. We're neither enemies nor friends. I've got a feeling that he doesn't like me for no reason whatsoever.

Answer 1

He may be picking up on the fact that you look at him as the "gay" co-worker, which would make him look at you as the enemy. Take the word gay out of your mind, and you may see a difference in him, and maybe you won't. All you can do is try to talk to him. Some people just don't want to be friendly, and it usually has nothing to do with you, it is them.

Answer 2

Well, you can't let the fact that he is gay come into the equation. He may just be an ******, so don't worry about him. Treat him like you would anyone else who treated you like that. Be aloof and mean right back! Or you could just talk to him about it. He may not even realise he's doing it.

Answer 3

Try buying him a cup of coffee. Talk to him as a person, not as a "gay" person. Some of us, not me specifically, get annoyed by people trying to make friends with us because it's 'cool to have a gay friend', or the 'token gay'. On the other side of the coin, he might just be a miserable bitchy queen not worth knowing or having as a friend. Some people, gay or straight, just walk around with a chip on their shoulder.

Answer 4

Well, if he's being a goof for no good reason, then walk up to him and bit.ch slap him.......seriously though, if you feel he is being unreasonable in his treatment of you, speak to him. Make it clear that you want to understand what exactly you may or may not have said or done, and when he says nothing, politely but firmly, inform him that his attitude towards you is unfair and more importantly unprofessional.

Hopefully that should do it, if not, advise again only add that you will speak to your supervisor/boss.

Good Luck

BTW, I am a gay man who has his own business and I do not tolerate any attitude amongst my employees.

Answer 5

It is a mean and aloof person. Being gay has nothing to do with it. Sounds like he is a jerk. So gay or straight, a jerk is a jerk and you just move on and don't worry about them.
B

Answer 6

Some people are very self-protective at work, by being stand offish. If he is like this with everyone, then just let it be (it's not about you). If he seems nicer to other people, I would ask him about it. Honestly, I have had people call me on being a hard-butt to new hires, and I had no self-awareness of doing that.

Answer 7

Try being kind no matter what other people do. Smile and be sincere. It doesn't matter whether he's straight or gay -- he might just be clinically depressed -- in other words -- it's possible that it's not about you!

Answer 8

Whenever I have a problem with a co-worker, I lay my cards on the table.
The fact that he is gay should have nothing to do with the problem.
The way that you present your question leaves me to understand that you may be projecting anti-gay hostilities towards this man and he may be picking up on them. I would talk to him about it.

Answer 9

He probably does not mean to be rude. I often get accused of those sort of things. Its probably him being defensive. He may have suffered abuse from homophobic colleges in the past and does not trust people that easily. Tell him what he is doing. It may be the start of a beautiful friendship! Good luck!

Answer 10

first of all is this so called gay co worker over you like uper managemenT?? supervisor?? if they are over you walk away and ignore this one if they are over you. if you dont want too be fired. if they cant get the goods on you and are upper management you got nothing too worry about. our rule around here never mix business with pleasure.NEVERR.