About my suicide friend?

Question

Last week, I posted a question here about me can't stop thinking about suicide.....and I tried it once 10 years ago when I was 14.

Then, I started recalling all the details, my repressed memories....I had a friend killed herself when we were 17, well, not exactly "friend", but a lover......I'm not sure if we were homosexuals, even if we were, it wasn't what killed her, I'm pretty sure coz people here don't discriminate homosexuals. Any way, After her suicide, I went to the crematorium, watched her became ashes. Then I went to college and never thought of her any more, not even in dreams. but last year, I suddenly dreamt of her, dreamt of her sitting with me, talking about our future like we did when we were children. Then I woke up, cried.

Why? Why she died and I lived?....Why my repressed memories woke up again after 6 years?..I felt empty, nobody knows me this much as her did, not in the past, not now, and never will.

Answer 1

Sorry my friend some questions have no answers.

Don't ask why you lived, ask why she wasted her life.

As for whether it was homosexual or hetero-sexual, etc, take it easy girl!!! Get to know yourself and what you are like now. Take it slow if you have to.

Cherish her memory but make your own mark in life.

Nobody may know you like she did now but it does not have to stay that way, unless you let it. Eventually you'll find somebody worth opening up to more, male or female. Never say never

Take it easy. Have a hug, on me.

P.S. Its ok to cry although nothing wrong with having gone on with your life.

Answer 2

She died cuz she did it right. You died cuz you did it wrong (thank goodness!!!!)

Do not try to commit suicide - it just doesn't make sense.

My friend killed herself and left a 10 yr old son behind for me to try to help cope and care for - this was in February (yay for valentine's day). In March, my friend past away from cancer, and in April, my brother was killed, the night/early morning of my birthday. Yeah, I would have liked to commit suicide too.

Maybe you were too absorbed in yourself to notice those around you during the time of your friend's death or your suicide attempt, but DID YOU EVER HAPPEN TO NOTICE HOW DEATH AFFECTS OTHER PEOPLE????

Okay, so I'm against suicide - though I do feel it is the right of a person to choose it .

Your choice not to let someone get to know you to such a level as your previous friend is understandable, but remember this is your choice. The only SURE thing about life is that we are all going to die - we just don't always know when. If you choose to keep it all inside and not let someone in, you can never build a good strong relationship like you know you crave underneath..

i'm going to stop here, because I want to turn into an ***, instead of a half blunt/half helpful person...........

Answer 3

You have two choices here, as far as I can see:

#1. You can embrace oblivion and join her. Irrespective of the state this might leave you in, it will guarantee that you will share in her fate irrespective of what that fate might be. It will indubitably be better than living a life of suffering though.

#2. Practice lucid dreaming and spend more time asleep. ... If you can find her in your dreams then you can be with her again... at least part of the time. It won't feel like much though unless you better learn to control and strongly visualise your dreamscape. What people call "real life" is no more or less inherantly valid a state of reality than the dreamscape, though without exceptional circumstances you won't be able to dream all of the time.


Alternatively... you could just carry on living the way you do, try to get over her loss... learn to appreciate the beauty in misery and enjoy your own sadness. Its all relative anyway... and once you put aside the pre-programmed responses dictated by instinct, it can be quite satisfying to be depressed.

Answer 4

Your dreams come from subconscious yearnings perhaps.
You desire the emotions you had with that person. Your memories of her live but they are all in the past. You live in The Now. You are missing the emotions that you attached to that person in your subconscious mind.

I disagree that "nobody knows me like her" and "nobody ever will". That is a negative and self-defeating mindset. You have no idea who you will meet and become close with in the future. That same emotion or feeling of being understood can manifest itself many times over with new people, friends and lovers. Look ahead because you still have live while she chose to end hers. Focus on the strength you have to survive. Be glad that you are made of "sterner stuff". Good luck in all your future relationships and may they be rich and satisfying for you. Don't look back! Look Up!! @8-)

Answer 5

I have had an uncle and a friend commit suicide and the first thing i must say is you cant begin to understand why they did it. It usually happens as a result of depression and not just one factor. For example, both the people in my life who did it were the most lovely thoughtful people ever who, i am sure were not thinking straight as if they were they would not have done it knowing how it would have effected everyone they left behind. i am also a beliver in the afterlife and that people who pass over can visit you in dreams etc. maybe your lover visiting you in your dreams is her way of saying she will be waiting for you in the future and will always be watching and protecting you from above.

Answer 6

That's the reason why you shouldn't do it. Everyone you care about that cares about you too would be scarred for life if you did something like that to yourself.

As for why you are having dreams about her when you hadn't thought about her for several years, that's just how the mind works sometimes. We store a lot more information than we ever can recall at any one given time and then one thing leads to another and a memory gets stirred up.

Consider seeing a professional.

Answer 7

For certain is death for the born
And certain is birth for the dead;
Therefore over the inevitable
Thou shouldst not grieve.

Answer 8

rostov is right dont kill your self enjoy your life