me and my closed friend had sex a couple of times. of course, his wfe who knows me doesnt know what happened. but i stopped it already but still feel guilty. should i still confess to the wife? the husband and i very discreet about it. wife has no idea.
2007-03-08 23:01:18 · 27 answers · asked by meh 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So let me understand this, you want to tell her, so that she will feel better? Make her marriage more solid? Give her more trust in her husband?
What is your motivation? Is it about you...it certainly sounds like it, and you have to weigh the negative outcomes for your confession against your friend and his wife. I think you should wait and see how you feel in a few months, there is nothing burning that makes the admission important, like you contracted aids or your friend is sleeping with everyone in town....
I wouldn't admit it, but that is my perspective. You need to find your own, but it can't be based solely on your feelings of guilt if you want to be fair to your friend... Realistically if anyone should tell her it should be him.
2007-03-08 23:09:10 · answer #1 · answered by Boston Bluefish 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If both of you have realised it was a mistake and you both care for your spouses, then I would really think twice about confessing.....are you wanting to confess to ease your guilt, or do you want to confess because you think your husband will find out from someone else? I tend to think in your case, what a person doesnt know wont hurt them...its not like you and this other man have fallen in love and want to leave your spouses. I think its a pretty selfish thing actually wanting to confess to ease your own guilt because the moment you confess you are opening up a huge can of worms. Your husband will never trust you again, and you could possibly be putting your marriage in real jeopardy.....think very hard and work out the reasons why you need to confess...if its because of your own guilt, then I think thats pretty selfish. If your husband is never going to find out and you and this other man have seen the error of your ways then I would let sleeping dogs lie. If, however, you think there is the slightest possibility that your husband or this other woman will find out, then it would be far better for you to tell your husband from your own lips instead of hearing it from someone else.....so the right time to confess would be never if the other spouses would never find out, or if they will find out eventually you need to confess as soon as possible.
2007-03-09 08:15:44 · answer #2 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't confess to deal with your own guilt. You should feel guilty. You should not be friends with this person anymore. You could ruin their marriage and the pain involved in cheating is very deep. The wife may never get over it. If you are persuing a relationship with your friend then he needs to leave his wife but he doesn't have to tell her everything.
2007-03-09 07:43:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES you should confess..His wife deserves to know what kind of low life scum bag she is married to and you should be ashamed of yourself.You obviously have no respect for yourself or anyone else.How would you feel if your husband or boyfriend cheated on you.Atleast you are somewhat human because you feel guilty so that atleast show's that you have a little human compassion in you but not much..I have NO respect for anyone that cheats or get's involved with a married person it is just PLAIN WRONG...And one more thing always remember WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND this will catch up with you at some point in your life...It might take years but it WILL catch up with you..
2007-03-09 08:08:53 · answer #4 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do people always have this need to confess? If the affair is over, keep your mouth shut and get on with your life. Besides, it isn't guilt that's bothering you. You just want to brag about what you've done. Your "close friend" may think the two of you are friends, but you and I know better. Get on with your life and leave these people alone.
2007-03-09 07:59:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your place to confess. It's his. Stay out of it, you've done enough. Learn from this one. Feel the guilt deeply and vow not to allow yourself to fall into anything else like this ever.
If your "friend" confesses, the wife may confront you. That will give you opportunity to ask for forgiveness.
You may have ruined something here. Yes, you can say that their marriage was already in trouble, but did you want to be the "straw" that broke its back?
2007-03-09 07:52:38 · answer #6 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
COnfess to all now.
You are also married. You don't seem to feel bad about that.
A week ago you wrote a question about how afraid you were he was going to cheat on you.
I have nothing nice to say to you. I'll be polite and not say any of the things I am thinking....
EDIT It is funny to read some of your other answers where you lecture people about having affairs, what scum cheaters are etc. You have a pretty obvious double standard. I am SO glad my wife is nothing like you.
2007-03-09 08:18:36 · answer #7 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your homewrecking mouth shut.
You should feel guilty. Why do you suppose telling his wife does anything but make her life go in the toilet?
Oh that's right, banging a married man shows that you don't care how the wife feels.
its all about you and your sex life and your guilt.
Grow Up and stay away from other women's husbands.
2007-03-09 07:24:37 · answer #8 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure that you want to tell her 'because its the right thing to do'...I think secretly you're hoping that it will break them up and you will have a shot...because the truth of the matter is...that if you cared about the wife at all...you wouldn't have done it in the first place...this is just a perfect example of 'special friends' going wrong. There is a line girl!...make sure you draw it and stay behind it next time!
2007-03-09 07:13:26 · answer #9 · answered by bundy_bee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes. wouldnt u want to know? being hurt before i have no respect 4 you. why would u even need to ask? have no heart? thats how diseases get spread. nasty gurl. the wife should beat yo butt lol what do these peopel mean dont ruin a marriage? so let the wife live in lies nad deceit, who knows who else hes cheated on her with. why doesnt the wife deserve to have someone who loves only her?? hello the ******** already ruined their marriage.
2007-03-09 07:29:20 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs.Vick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋