Mother or husband? Please Help!?

Question

I need your help and tell me what you think…

I am in a situation where I need to choose between either, my mother, or my husband, and I am being torn in between.
I live over sees and I came to visit my family in the US. I’ve been here for 2 weeks already and my husband wants me to come back right away. Mother and aunt are upset because they think I should spend more time with them, we are talking 2-3 months more.

They both need me in their own ways, family going through financial depression and they need me for emotional support, and husband needs me back because he is lonely and we are newly wedded, he thinks that we shouldn’t spend more than 3 weeks apart in our first year of our marriage. So I am torn, and someone will get mad at me if I choose to stay with the other. What you think should I do?

If you are going to tell me do what your heart tell you to do, I want to be with them both but I don’t want to create problems. What should I do in this situation?

Answer 1

Go back to your husband. Don't let your family ever take over your life, as you've now started your own family and life with your husband. Maybe ask him to give you one more week with your mom, and use that time as best you can with her and make it clear to her that your life is now with him, not with her anymore. Trust me that even thinking of mom vs. hubby will create problems in your relationship with him. His request isn't unreasonable, especially since you've been married for such a short time.

Answer 2

Oh, what an awful spot to be in. My mother had hip surgery a couple years back and I went (about 8 hours from our home) with the kids to assist her. The original plan was for 4 weeks, but she wasn't ready to be alone for 6. It was a struggle, and even though my husband is very understanding and the circumstances were valid, it was frusterating.

I would say your family comes first...meaning your husband...he is your new family. Sometimes, things out of our control make us feel like we should change our life around to accomodate others. Though it's sad your Mother is going through financial issues, your place is with your husband.

In the last few months my Mother has moved closer to us. Now, if a situation rises again, assisting her will be more resonable and respectful for everyone.

Tough choice, yes, but I would leave your Mother and Aunt to be with your husband. They will be OK. good luck to you.

Answer 3

Sweetie, if you really look at it you only have one problem, and that is what to tell your husband. As you said you are newly wed, and because your a good person you came back here to the US to visit your family. Now I want you to know that I am a mother of 3, and if one of my kids have this problem I will tell her that her first priority is her husband.
Your husband married you not your family, now you just want to help your first family and nothing wrong doing that. But you have a new family now and that is your husband. If your mother needs you for emotional support,you can give that to her even your not with her. I love my mother very dearly and god knows that I will do anything to help them but since I got married, my first family was my husband.
If you choose your mother instead of your husband, what do you think is going to happen to your marriage?? do you think that your husband will understand,even you knows that he loves you?? There's only one choice that you can do, go back home to your husband where you belong, and if your mother loves you she will not put you on this tag of war........

Answer 4

Well this is hard. I currently live overseas as well and my family is back in the states.
You married your husband and your not married a year yet I think you should go back to him. The first year of marriage is the hardest.
Your mother should understand you have a new family now and you need to work on that and that you are only a phonce call away if she needs you.
On a side note are you guys military because if you are then he will be gone alot and if he is home now i would be to.

Answer 5

You're married. When you get married, you need to "leave and cleave". Your new family is your husband. He should be your priority.

However, if you live in a different country now, find a compromise. Maybe stay another week or so in the US with your parents, and then go home.

Next time, see if you can travel with your husband that way everybody will be happy.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Ask your husband to join you for a short holiday over there...
He could stay a few weeks if he can get time off work, then you stay there another couple of weeks before you return to him...that way, all parties should be happy........(remember you have made a choice of family now by marrying...Your husband is also your family, he should at least understand the awful predicament he is putting you in by pressuring you to come back home)...I know it is hard being.. the meat in the sandwich..but compromise is still the best way to go.....good luck with it, hope you all can come together somehow....

Answer 7

Of course you miss your family, but don't you miss your husband? My husband and I spent four weeks apart once and we almost went nuts. It was because of work not a choice. As newly weds you couldn't have pried us apart. Your husband wants you at home because when he married you he assumed that meant you would be together. I have been married for years and can't imagine going away for two or three months. I have family that I go visit too, once a year for two weeks and if possible my husband goes with me. Absence is no way to start your marriage.

Answer 8

Go back with your husband, your family should never put a demand on you like that. You can give your family emotional support over the phone, in emails and letters.

Answer 9

Is it possible to read 2 books and write 3 pages in 8 days?

Answer 10

You say that you are newlywed, well I can understand your husband for wanting you back, but on the other hand if he really loves you then he should support you whatever decision you make or is he the jealous type and doesn't trust you?