help this out of control, i am depressed and started to hate my self?

Question

( iasked this b4)it started about a mounth(or more) ago, i started to hate everything, and i mean everything, i feel that i am so depressed that i want to kill myself, my mind is screwed, i am overreacting, evan such funny stuff like opinions, but the real issue is not about opinions, i feel that i am hating everything just for a very little reason thats not important, i evan started to hate my fiancee for some childish reasons, she think that i am acting weard and that she done something wrong but shell never do anything ,although ill never love someone like her , but this condition sucks, i just have this endless stugle between myself " yes i like it , no i dont, or i think thats better", an endless non-reasnoble hesitation u can say , but it ends to confussion or hate , i dont think thats because i stopped smoking cuz that was 3m ago , i smoke only once a week , and i think i am started to drink a lot , i never felt like this in my life , so any help plz, this is gettting insane

just dont know why, i dont know why did it happen anyway, and everyday this condition gets worse, why cant it just stop, i was never like this , i always been apathetic and happy, but now hate and deppression and stuff that u wont imagine

11 minutes ago
gosh this really bad , to hate the love of ur life over some childish reason that is not evan worth mentioning,or to ask my self " is she cool, or do i really love her" **** it yes i do ,i loved her for 3 years and never thought about any other woman but there is something wrong with me that made me this way, i just cant leave her andi wont, damn this sucks,not to mention everything, i feel that life is being tasteless, oh **** when will this en?!

Answer 1

I think you should go discuss this with your doctor who can maybe recommend counselling to deal with these thoughts!

Answer 2

You seem to be allowing your ego to control your thought processes to the point that you cannot function effectively in the real world.

You need to realize that your ego is only nurturing itself by blasting you with an endless stream of unanswerable questions, unfulfilled dreams and lamentations of the past.

You can't live that way. Try to consider the concept that there exists a deeper level of consciousness in the present. One way to exist there is to actively become aware of those obsessive thoughts that are ruining your life.

By becoming aware of these thoughts, you can quickly realize that they are only a small ripple on the surface of consciousness.

There is a quietness that exists below the surface of this turmoil.

Seek that emptiness there. It's a short but meaningful journey that has no destination; only joy and contentment.