Married 29 years. Hubby drinking heavy for 5 yrs. He is on shift work and he drinks heavy 2 days a week(on days off). He really changes to the opposite. Shows hate and anger towards me on these times and it is getting worse. He says he doesn't remember the next day and won't believe me when I tell him what he said or did. So then he gets angry with me for saying these things. I know he loves me. Is it just a stalemate after so long together? He asked me the other night if I still loved him. When I think about it I don,t think I do after all the s*** he has loaded on me for so long. I just clam up when he drinks and I feel very insecure. Please reply if you have dealt with similar.
2007-03-08 22:34:00 · 17 answers · asked by jojammum48 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
leave.
2007-03-08 22:36:42 · answer #1 · answered by coffee37man 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First thing is do you have any kids with this man or in the home? I 'm assuming that after 29 years of marriage you do.Let me start by telling you this I have a father like that.I am now 30.But the pain of how he treated us and my mother for 20 years has always been with me.My mother past away at the age of 40.So you could say she wasted 20 years on a man who never showed love and understanding.She divorced him and fount a really nice guy.For the last 5 years of her life she was happy.You are someone special.You DO NOT deserve to be treated bad.Try marriage counseling if that don't work ,move on.Never let someone control you or put you down.You are worth more than that.
2007-03-08 22:56:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the first thing that I would do is make sure all your finances etc. are in order and you know where everything is. Then the next time he has one of his alcoholic and abusive episodes, I would videotape the entire thing. Either set up a nanny cam somewhere that he can't see it or just turn on the video camera...make sure the audio is up so it can be heard clearly...then play the entire thing for him the next day....at that time, give him an ultimatum....if he comes home drunk again, you will call the police and have him removed from the house and you will get a divorce.....who wants to continue to live like this and you said...it's getting worse...takes steps before he really hurts you.....good luck
2007-03-08 22:51:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is a hard one , the 29 years is a long time , but the 5 yrs abuse is a pain to , I would suggest you ask him to get help to stop his drinking , that would be a start , you need an indication from him that he will try and at least be a bit of a husband to you , if he isnt prepared to do that for you , get those 29 years lock them in your mind , and remember the 5 years , and get on with your life , it will hurt more than you think , and probably be a big enough scare for your husband to change , or maybe not , whatever you do - you must be happy , you cant continue to be in this situation , if it is falling to bits , and you are struggling to see the purpose of it. good luck - feel for you
2007-03-08 22:40:55 · answer #4 · answered by DSV 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why have you allowed this behavior for so long? You need to stand up on your feet and tell your husband that you've had enough. Either he stops drinking and gets the help he needs, or you're out of there. That's what you need to tell him. If you don't have the courage to do that, there's nothing anyone else can do to help you.
As far as you knowing he loves you is concerned, you don't know that at all. He's not behaving like a man who loves his wife. Wake up, girlfriend.
2007-03-09 00:25:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he's an alcoholic and isn't admitting it; videotape his next episode and show it to him when he's sober. Maybe once he sees his behaviour he will get some help and save your 29 year marriage. If he doesn't you have no choice, 29 years or not, you can't live the rest of your life being abused.
2007-03-08 22:38:11 · answer #6 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes with our spouses we are just traveling down different paths. and wanting different things. if he is hurting u, he needs some therapy, he also needs to stop drinking, they can say all they want that they were drinking and don't remember what they did, but that's just a cop put to avoid taking responsibility for what they are doing. if u don't love him, than u need to get out of it, if he is not giving u any peace, get out of it. if u could get him to go to AA, it might help things, looks as if most of his troubles are because of drinking.
2007-03-08 22:40:38 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time to kiss all that **** goodbye and make a better life for yourself. Alone.
2007-03-08 23:15:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
seek counselling, go to Al Anon
2007-03-08 23:59:17 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek professional help for yourself and walkout while you still can.
2007-03-08 22:52:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
trade him in for a better model
2007-03-08 23:07:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋