once a cheater always a cheater? t or f?

Question

decided to give husband another chance but worried he might cheat again. he had a 2 month affair with a much older woman (him 25- she 40) due to our not having sex during that time. he said he slept with her 4 times total. he confessed everything to me and has since done a total turnaround i just hope its permanent. he has broken off all contact, changed phones, moved, new job. started going to church, agreed to marriage counseling, being better daddy, and agreed that me and him should start "dating" and that he is no longer allowed "out with the boys" until i trust him again how ever long that maybe, that if he wants to go out i must go with him.
do you think some men can change? im so afraid if he cheats again. i will leave him for sure cause i let him now this is his one and only chance but my heart is so broken right now.

first time cheater, been together 6 years. im assuming he learned his lesson cause the other woman is now completely physco, claims to be pregnant (we know this is false) and is trying so hard to break us up. he hates her right now even going so far as wanting to kill her. he certainly picked the wrong type of woman to cheat with. she is that puerto rican loudmouth fighter type. she actually stalked me, then pulled my car over so she could tell me about them. i already knew it all tho from the hubby except for one small part he left out (about paying a hotel) cause he knew it would make me mad nowing he spent money on her after telling me he was broke.

Answer 1

he will cheat agin.

Answer 2

Not true.
People change.
People change all the time, sometimes for the better and sometimes not.

You do know what brought this on. Will you allow those conditions to exist again? If not then why would it happen
again?

To think that people are incapable of changing their behavior discounts that people are also incapable of learning?
I think that the people who believe that also believe that all crimes should have a life sentence.

If you belive that "once a cheater" stuff you might as well get divorced right now. It will only make you look around every corner for the next time. Your marriage will go sour with the mistrust. Yes it hurt and yes it will hurt for quite a while. But there is a time when you will have to let it go. As for the gorey details, you have to let them go too. If you can't find it in yourself to move forward with the lessons learned from this then you are wasting your time trying.

I believe that the people who do not accept that people can change for the better are doomed to living in a world where they become stagnent and define their relationships by the first year. They become incapable of growth themselves and are left behind by their mates often to lives of lonliness. These are the same people who cannot understand their own inadequacy for lack of learning.

People change. People change all the time.
If I did not believe that I would not be with my wife of 30+ years today.

Answer 3

As a general rule YES once a cheat alway's a cheat.You need to be very careful.If your husband did this to you once more then likely he will do it again.There is NO excuse,reason or justification for cheating.When someone cheats they have displayed utter disrespect for their partner.TRUST is everything in a relationship/marriage without TRUST you have nothing.If you do not trust your husband then you are simply fighting a losing battle.It does'nt sound to me like you trust your husband at all.You say that he cannot hang out with his friends and that he can't go anywhere without you so what is the point in you being with him.If you want your marriage back then you are going about it in the wrong way.You cannot control a person which is exactly what you are trying to do to your husband.Your husband is not an animal and that is how you are treating him you might as well put a collar & a leash on him.I know that you were VERY hurt when he cheated on you and you have EVERY right to feel that way but you need to either forgive & forget or you need to just forget and move on.Good Luck To you.

Answer 4

I think you should try and trust him again but always keep your wits about you. Sounds like he is really trying though and does want to make things better so thats a good start. It also sounds like the spark had gone out in your relationship before hand and thats why he went looking elsewhere - not that this is an excuse of course. The dating each other thing sounds like a really good idea though, this way you can relight up the magic that disappeared also make sure you talked about things, if there is a problem dont pretend its not there get it all out in the open. Hopefully once you respark the relationship and are open with each other about feelings your be able to retrust him and he wont ever want to wonder off again. Trust does have to be earnt though so i hope he means all hes said and dos'nt let you down. Good Luck

Answer 5

I have had similiar experience to this..... I think that if he was willing to do all of that then it is possible that he has changed. It is going to be natural for you to wonder and think and keep a close watch on him. But honestly, if he is going to tell you that he did it then he loves you and is willing to work things out. Don't be afraid to ask questions but dont ask too many. It will take a while to get his trust back but only time can heal. As long as he isnt hiding stuff from you and he is spending time with you and showing you that he loves you then dont worry too much. I doubt he is doing anything.

Just pay attention to the things that he does and what his reactions are if he is any different like during sex, or with the house or anything in general. when you love someone and yall have been together for a while then you KNOW that person. If you notice anything different then ask.

The only other thing i can tell you is "the eyes tell all"

good luck honey!! Its a hard life out there but you have to make the best of it....look at "the big picture" the situation and yalls life in general

Answer 6

I would say mostly true. Most of the time once they cheat or have an affair (men or women!!) on you and get away with it, (ie for 2 months) they know they can and don't/won't change, any time you have problems they go right back to it, even start stuff so they can have an excuse to do it.
If let say you had a big fight, and they got drunk and it was a one time thing, and they told you right away, didn't try to hide it from you, then they can learn and change.

Answer 7

i say give the guy a chance. My wife cheated on me 4 months ago and we are working it out. Im not going to say it isnt tough sometimes i cry sometimes i get mad but i cant imagine life without my wife and kids so i decided to suck it up and give it a go she tellsme all the time what a huge mistake it was and she loves me all over again sometimes in life you drift apart but if you can come back together its better then the 1st time

Answer 8

See having sex with somebody else when he could not have it from you is just like quenching his thirst and cannot be considered as cheating though he should have restrainted himself biologically probably he could not do so. One thing is for sure he may repeat the same once again if he misses you hence you should always be with him afterall at the age of 25 the hormone levels are high and naturally he would be in great desire as time goes by he will change.

Answer 9

they do say once a cheater always a cheater! but i cheated on the father of my child, he didn't treat me with any respect at all and he got me into a lot of debt, we split up. i stayed single for 2 yrs and i'm now with someone new, he loves me and respects me, and i could neva put him through what i put my sons father through. (even though he was so horrible to me, i felt all the guilt) i believe you can change if you really want to. you deserve a lot for giving him another chance. i hope for your sake he has learn from his mistake, it'll take time for you to heal, but u'll get there in the end, jus stick together and be honest with each-other. communication is important......you both need to know how the other is feeling, then problems can be solved and not made. good luck

Answer 10

I think once somebody cheats, it destroys their current relationship entirely because the trust is broken and it's obvious the person doesn't really care...or else they wouldn't have cheated in the first place. To become emotionally and physically involved with another person when you are committed to someone else is all around bad news. For you, this is a sign to move on from this person entirely.

Answer 11

sounds like he is doing all the right things to build the trust again; no once they cheat doesn't meant they can't change, he is human, made a mistake, a big one, but a mistake. Have the "last" conversation about the affair, nicely and calmly, say everything you have to say about it, then never ever bring it up again. You have to forgive him to move forward, you won't forget it, he can rebuild the trust in time, but don't ever bring it up again, once you have had the last conversation about it, and I mean never, not when you are mad, not when you are sad, never ever.