should i have forgiven/believed my cheating husband?

Question

been with hubby 6 years. we have 2 girls 3 year old and 19 months.

his story:
he cheated on me with a girl who had recentlly broken up with her man. took her out a couple times and slept with her only about 4 times with her nov-jan. gave her a christmas gift of prefume too. first time in a hotel after going to a club cause he was drunk but other 3 times sober in her car. he broke it off with her right after 4th time sex cause he felt guilty and it was making him sick. the girl goes bersek, stalks him, doesnt stop calling, now claims to be pregnant. he says he did not use condom with her cause she told him she was on depo.
*i believe all this except for it being only 4 times since there is 2 months timespan according to him and she claims it was 3 months together and sex like once twice a week according to her......i also hate the fact he gave her prefume. if he had no feelings for her why the gift?


i was told everything by him , a guilt laden confession on feb 3rd. told me everything and said he had been immature stupid and not thinking about me or the kids, but that he had to get it off his chest, and tell me everything. he had tried to tell me a few times before but i had thought he was joking. that he cheated 4 times in a 2 month time span, with the same girl who now has gone physco because he refuses to see her anymore. he has completely broken all contacts with her. he said the first time he was drunk, but had no excuse the other 3 times except stupidity and being weak. he said that she wouldnt stop chasing him and the other 3 times were just quick car sex. he said he was sorry for everything that she caught him off guard at a weak moment (drunk and when he and i hadnt had sex in a little over a month and before that only like once every other week) but that it was no excuse that he is 100% at fault but please dont leave him or take away the kids. that with me and the girls his life has no meaning. he said he was gonna start going to church every sunday. that never again would he go out without me going too, that he'd come straight home from work everyday, be a better father, better husband to give him the oppurtunity to show me he could change. that he know women say all men who cheat will do it again but that some are tulry rependent and to let him show me. to please lets start from 0 again. it seemed sincere. since then he has done a complete 180, he has not gone out once, agreed to all the conditions i set in order for him to have this only chance. he has been a better father to the girls and is treating me better too. he has agreed to marriage counseling, and we our having our first "date night" without the kids of course this coming week. all contacts are broken with new phone numbers new job and new address.

her story: she knew he was married and had kids but had hung out with him so often with her boyfriend and kids she started getting feelings for him. on oct 27 they went clubbing (her bf, him and her) her bf got drunk and while he was home passed out she gave my dh a ******* then she suggested going to a hotel and he agreed. (i never gave him blowjobs and he always begged for them)
they stayed together after that seeing each other whever possible, and he gave her a gift at christmas. that he told her he loved her and she believed him. then in febraury when she told him she was pregnant he got mad cause she lied to him about the birth control. she said she never got it cause he was supposed to bring her to the appt and never showed. he refused to see her anymore saying that it was not his baby. she told him she was gonna do an abortion and he told her not to that he was going right over but never went. then he changed his number, moved out of town, changed jobs and she couldnt find him. that she only looked for me cause she wanted me to know the truth. she thought he hadnt told me. and she also wanted to know what he wanted to do with the baby. i told her he will give her all rights cause he wants nothing to do with it if his. she said thats fine with her she doesnt need him cause shes a professional, a nurse.

* i dont believe parts of this, she showed me doctors papers saying she was pregnant but i found out they were falsified, she works at the hospital as a medical assistant and i found 2 errors on one of the papers. also people around town are telling me that she cant get pregnant that she has 5 kids and has fixed herself. there is another man saying she told him it was his baby. she has left messages on my dh phone saying she will "show him what she is made of if he doesnt come do her" "I will go tell your ****in wife everything" "will not stop until your wife leaves you becuase you are gonna pay for this"
she also has told EVERYONE that knows him or me or her that he left her pregnant and his reputation is completely ruined.


am i wrong to doubt the pregnancy and believe my dh when he says she is only doing this to see us broken up? should i believe him when he says he has no feelings for her whatsoever that it was just our lack of sex and his not being able to say no when she just ofered it up? would you have forgiven him, given him a second chance? would you believe it was only the 4 times he claims??

Answer 1

The kids make this alot tougher. But a cheater is going to cheat again. You need to be true to yourself. Your husband should be the person you can trust 100%. That trust is broken. He cared more about a moment of pleasure than you or his children, his own honor and vows. Get a good lawyer and take the bum for everything he is worth.

Answer 2

You should suck him more
keep him honest
he wont want to leave
maybe throw another girl into the mix
none of the above could hurt

(videotape??)