I am getting married on June 9th. My mother inlaw is making the gown and helping planing everything but thats not the problem. The problemis both my Fience and I are Military. We are both serving in Eorpe at the moment and i am having problems with some decisions he has made recently. This will be my secound marriege and i am afiard it will end the same way the frist one did. Especaily with the possiblity o my fincee being medically chapter out of the army and no real fall back plain beside " i am going to school' this scares the crape out of me cause i dont want another dead bet on my hands. If any one has advice i would apperciate it.
2007-03-08 21:54:59 · 9 answers · asked by akaichan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that the wise decision making apparatus at the back of your mind is at work here.
I think you are aware that, deep down, you have reservations about this issue. These issues - your past marriage and the questions you have about your intended - have bubbled up through to the surface. You are aware you have questions and you need only now ask them. This is a natural process and happened to me before I got married. After all no-one wants "buyer's remorse"!
However, the only person who can really answer your question totally wisely, without any side affects that might affect you in a way that's not good, is YOU because only you know the players here and wider systems of your life - family, work, kids, career, hopes, dreams, financial situation etc.
But do not worry. This is not a non-answer. I think you need to go way deep down inside and ask some important questions. Relax and go to a place where you can think without having to take care of anyone, answer the phone or have any distractions ask and wait for answers until you know you have gotten what is right and correct. Ask, "What do I really want? Will marrying give it to me or not? How will marrying him give me what I don't already have? How will marrying him affect the wider systems of my life? If I marry him what will I gain/lose? If I marry him can I foresee any unintended consequences? Do we often have exchanges where one of us blames the other and the other person is a victim? How do our fights start and end? Do we play games like that and have the situation where the angry and sad roles switch? Does one of often us try to save the other person from a problem? What are his unresolved issues and what are mine?"
As you are also in the forces you might want to ask, "Are there any factors such as combat stress, PTSD or anything else which are playing any roles here? If we leave the forces what will happen then? How will that change our roles as partners? Will we evolve or will we lose the glue that is bonding us right now together?" As you know, the best "intel" is vital in the forces. If this were an operation in your branch of the forces what would you think about committing personnel to this "op" or not?
The answers to these questions ARE already in you, you know them and asking a question here means that you are only waiting for yourself to be invited to ask a question whose time is due. Give yourself that necessary permission to ask and answer wise questions for yourself. You are taking care of yourself by doing this so go ahead and ask any time soon.
As for distinct "do this anyway" advice, I would say that a face-to-face visit to a Marriage Counsellor or a video/Skype call on the Internet to a licensed Marriage Counsellor might be money well spent. It's possible to go by yourself in secret. If you have a religious belief try the religious counsellor in the branch of the forces you work in. Why? Well, you see your side, you can probably see his too -- but can you see a (hopefully) objective outsider's point of view?
Get the best intel for yourself as soon as possible.
Good luck and best wishes for your future.
Warren.
2007-03-10 19:26:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look, here's the story: anything you sense now as being a rub will magnify by 100 when you are married. Take it from a guy who's been married three times. I finally got it right on the third swing at the ball, but sometimes it feels like it was a bit of happenstance. In my first two swings, I had a couple nagging questions but I went forward anyway. Wrong.
Dont let your plans "have a life of their own". If you think it may be wrong, put it on hold for 6 months. Both will be better off. Best of luck.
2007-03-08 22:02:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have second thoughts...it means don't do it. Being abroad in the military I think would be like living on an island on "Survivor". Once you come home, real life hits you and the day to day may not be as wonderful as it was painted before you got married. It sounds like you've already experienced that once before. I would wait till my tour of duty was totally complete, get yourself settled in a routine back at home and then date towards marriage. Its a big commitment and time should not be a factor in whether or not you are ready. This June is almost here and with second thoughts on your mind, do you really want to rush this decision. Good luck!
2007-03-08 22:21:39 · answer #3 · answered by Mangomum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself a favor and don't get married if you are having second thoughts. Postpone it at the very least and talk this out with your fiance. Tell him, but don't marry him or anyone if you are not 100 percent sure that is the road you want to travel. As you already know, it's hard enough when you think you are sure. You will make the right decision for yourself.
2007-03-08 22:00:52 · answer #4 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LMAO, i won't be able to trust you've faith that she has a back problem yet she is able to have tremendous sex with you? Are you that gullible? if you're then I have some tremendous sources bargains i pick to refer to you about. If someone has a nasty back; one so undesirable that they could't artwork in any respect, then in many situations they do no longer have a lot interest in something except sex both, because you should use a number of your back muscular tissues to also be able to bypass in any type of sexual position - merely imagine about it, different strikes you're making for the duration of sex? both on suited or bottom, you should use your back to make the moves! She's milking you want a Jersey cow dude and in case you marry her, then do not come back the following crying about the way you have not any money and a spouse who do not do something to assist out around the homestead, because it truly is what is going to take position to you in case you marry her, pay interest on your inner voice, that is telling you what you want to entice close, no longer like the muscular tissues your utilising between your legs on the on the spot. God hates Gold diggers, and also you've one on your palms dude.
2016-10-17 11:20:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to put this wedding off a little longer until you are sure its what you really want to do, never get married when you having second thoughts about it, you cant go into a marriage with negative feelings and expect it to work . you should either postpone it or call it off,
2007-03-08 22:38:21 · answer #6 · answered by emma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to go to school too! If you know him well, you'll know whether or not he's going to be a bum!
2007-03-08 21:58:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are unsure, postpone.
2007-03-09 00:02:36 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont git married.
2007-03-08 22:32:02 · answer #9 · answered by coffee37man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋