Why does my boyfriends female friend ask him round for dinner alone and no mention of me?

Question

Hi, i would like some advice here to see if i am overeacting or not.I have been with my boyfriend for 9 mths, im 31 he 40.I think the world off him and he is a fab guy, caring and considerate and fun. He has this 1 female friend who has been a friend of him and lots off his other friends for around 17 years, some are single and the rest married or commited.This friend in question split from her bf off 10 years and b4 she split she already had another guy in place.She is the same age as me.When my bf and i first started going out they wud off went for walks 2gether etc, i tried not to think bout it 2 much at the time. They have never been an item but he did ask her out a lot of years ago and she said no.She never seems to be about her own man a great deal, she wud visit my boyfriends good friend who lives near he is divorced , and she wud be at his house to 1pm in the morning.she rang my bf last week and he was busy so she hung up.she text him 2day 2 ask for dinner,no mention of me.????

Answer 1

Sounds to me like this woman doesn't like commitment, but prefers to have a number of men 'friends' on call - it satisfies her ego that she has all these 'buddies' who are willing to drop everything and spend time with her. To invite him to her home (a restaurant might have been more acceptable), knowing that he has a serious girlfriend, is downright rude anyway (even if they are just good friends!). Get this sorted pdq if you're really keen on the guy - remember the Diana/Charles/Camilla saga?!

Answer 2

I understand your concern, but they seem like longtime friends and she is probably mental, so I'd not worry too much about it. When you've been just friends with someone for that long, sex is probably not an issue.

I call her mental as a reason to explain why she doesn't want you around. She's probably so weird that she can't stand having people around that she's unfamiliar with. She sounds nutty.

But, if you wanted to have some fun with her, just go with him if he goes to dinner with her. It will freak her out and she won't ask him again for a while.

Or, maybe you could get to know her. You two might be a perfect match for shopping or stabbing men in the eyes with ice picks!

Or, she could just be "one of the guy's." That's the most likely situtation.

Answer 3

I think the girl in question perhaps recognises that she should not have said no to your bloke. She is making it clear that she wants him and i would imagine that she will tell him so over the lunch. It may be fate and perhaps they were meant for each other. Or more likely an innocent dinner where she wants to be able to speak with her friend of many years in private about personal matters that really have nothing to do with you.
Stop worrying because your worry may be perceived as possessiveness and there is nothing more likely to put a bloke out the door than a possessive psycho girlfriend! What will happen will happen and i imagine he will tell you all about it when he gets back from dinner.

Answer 4

I'm a 31 yr old guy and 2 of my best friends are female. I've known them both since school/college and have always gone out with them for meals, trips to the cinema etc. The fact that i've had girlfriends and they've had boyfriends hasn't made a difference. I think you need to trust this guy and realise that us blokes can have female friends without anything going on.

Answer 5

I would be worried too! Last time that happened to me - I left him befor he could cheat. However later over casual chat he admitted he was very close to doing it. Just lost interest when it wasn't forbidden fruit anymore! Clearly she wants what she cannot have and has lost interest in what's available. Invite her to dinner, be your sweet innocent self and keep your eyes open! See how they interact and decide from there. No one needs the heartache of being cheated on or being made to feel they are less important than someone else. Life is too short! Best of luck and protect your heart and yourself!

Answer 6

It's possible to have a friend without anything being in it. I have a male friend for nearly 30 years now. His woman wouldn't be happy if she knew that every once in a while he comes to visit me. I'm single and have been for a while but on my life ...there is nothing going on.
She probably doesn't ask you round because she knows how you feel and doesn't want an atmosphere.

Answer 7

I have a male friend of many years, and he and I have dinner together about twice a year. We're both with other partners, but does that mean we cannot continue our friendship? If she was interested in him as more than a friend, it would have happened a long time ago. I don't approve of her hanging up on you, that's very rude, but maybe she's caught your jealous vibe! Perhaps she has enough female friends and just doesn't want anymore?

Answer 8

i would say she is probably a bit insecure, she seems harmless to me but a bit selfish, lets face it shes had 17 years to make a move on your bf or any of the gang and hasnt so maybe it is just platonic, however she is a bit selfish in not making any effort with you... i would say keep her close, dont insist on joining them as she could make out your jealous and cause a rift between you and bf, but invite her out with the pair of you or round your house, that way you can suss her out. I would be super nice to her, and whilst im not saying she is your enemy, i think with this one its a case of keep your friends close and your enemies closer, so to speak. whatever you do dont act like a jealous controlling woman, its early days in your relationship and she has been his friend for a long time. good luck

Answer 9

They r friends 4 17 years.!!
U don't know what kind of friend relationship they have.
Why don't you ask her next time that she comes?
Tell her why she doesn't want you when she is going out with your bf. And if she understands that he is not along anymore and that u have wonderfully relationship and that u would love to meet her better.
But how is it possible for u to know her if they don't give you the chance to go out with them.
Ask her how she would fell if you do the same to her bf..????
But it isn't only her mistake.!!
Where is your bf?
Why doesn't he says 2 her that i will came with my gr?
He should have taken with him anyway, with out even thinking about it.
When you have a relationship your friends became his and his yours.

Answer 10

Either you should be concerned and ask your boyfriend about it, hoping that he will be honest about his and her intentions and their history together over the past months..
Or she is simply trying to be a friend to your boyfriend and would rather not be in a situation where she is entertaining both of you. She might feel uncomfortable in the presence of a significant other of his and as if she will have to walk on eggshells around you.

Another important thing you need to contemplate is- how has she treated You over the past months? It might play a part in what is going on, if anything.
If it comes down to it- take her aside one day and ask her if there is anything you should be worried about, but dont address her in a harsh manner if you dont know if something is going on.