I have caught my husband on several occasions downloading porn on his computer. I have told him several times that it hurts me because it makes me feel like I am not enough for him or i am not good enough for him. He promised up and down that it would never happen again and that he never wanted me to feel this way again or hurt me like this again. But low and behold it is back on his computer and the only answer I ever get from him is I don't know why I did it.
I asked him to follow through on his promise that if he ever did it again he would leave but he refuses to leave because he says he has nowhere to go. I really do not care if he sleeps in a snowbank I want him out. But if he is insistent on staying then he can not look at me like i am his wife because as far as i am concerned we are through. Well he thinks thta is unfair to. and through all of t his no i am sorry for what I did.
So I guess my question is does anyone else consider this cheating? Because i know I do!
2007-03-08 20:49:34 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You told him that you didnt want him looking at porn. How would he feel if you were looking at naked dudes online? I totally agree that it is a form of cheating. Especially, since he knows how it makes you feel. And if he truly loved you, he would care more about your feelings and less about looking at disgusting porn.
2007-03-09 04:31:57 · answer #1 · answered by Kari R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep in mind men are visually stimulated creatures, more so than women. They get INCREDIBLY turned on by the sight of hot women. And it doesn't matter AT ALL how hot you are. It's not a complaint about you. You could be Ms. Universe and he'd STILL want to look at them.
As soon as you realize the following:
1. Those pictures/videos are fantasies.
2. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you
3. Him being all revved up from it likely makes him hotter for you
4. You berating him for it makes him feel ashamed and afraid of you.
5. He's going to look at it. He might just get better at hiding it.
6. Practically ALL men do this. Even those who say they don't.
7. If you relax and, even better, look at it with him - you'll get some benefits from it too. There is not a single time my wife and I haven't porn surfed where we weren't doinking with 10 minutes.
your life and his will get a whole lot easier.
HONEST it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. If you command him to stop you might think he did, or he might stop for a while, but it is a state of ignorance. He'll find another way to look. Increased sneaking around, lying, anger, checking up, scolding, shame.....these things do not make a great marriage.
You can call men jerks for being this way, but it won't change it. We are what we are. Feel lucky he's not cheating on you. Life could be SO much worse.
If you divorce him, your next husband will look at porn too. I promise.
EDIT after looking at some of your other questions it's obvious you're a kook. I am embarrased that you are a fellow Ontarian.....
Also after looking at your other questions, you post your question, 20 people say you're wrong, 1 says you're right, and you choose them as your best answer! Real funny.
2007-03-08 21:39:27 · answer #2 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hello Daisy,
I am with you on this one... I know alot of people on here will not agree on me with this one BUT i feel that this is being unfaithful and that id definitley is a form of cheating. Now let me clarify why i am saying this. I feel that it makes them lust after other people and their bodies. If it turns them on and makes them want to or think about having sex with that other person instead of their spouse that is lusting in their minds and God says in the Bible ine the Book of Matther that if someone looks at another person and lusts after them in their mind that they have already committed the act of adultery in their hearts. So to me that means the same thing as doing the actual act itself and constant lusting can someday lead to the real thing as well. If he does not love you enough to stop this as he knows it hurts you this bad to me he does not love you enough to quit and it is an addiction problem for him. His marriage and you should come above this desire and since it does not he needs help and counseling and you both should seek marriage counseling as well. He does not know why he did it because he is addiction and it is a sickness for him. You can call a local church and they may offer counseling and help for this problem that he has. He should not be looking at any other women like this as a woman should not be lusting after anyone else then her husband either. Be firm with this and kick him out if need be or you can be the one to leave and seperate for the time being, Good luck to you today and here comes lots of hugs your way. Most men do not feel this is cheating because they want to keep or make an excuse to keep doing so.
2007-03-08 22:08:16 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
COME ON!!!! You would divorce someone because they looked at porn on the computer???? Men are very visual sexualy, alot more that women. But believe me, ask ANY man,,, a real live in the flesh lover is better every time!! Better grow up and get serious...marriage is not something you get in and out of over stupid things like porn on the internet!!
2007-03-08 21:43:43 · answer #4 · answered by Moops 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No its not cheating. You need to get a hold of yourself, u sounds like u are mad at him for other reasons....?
I order the porn channels, for us, (Husband & me).
We always buy the latest porn mags.
Men NEED visuals for stimulation. Its that simple.
Porn is made for mental sexual stimulation. Obviously you're not stimulating him buy screaming & yelling at him like your his mom. What a way to kill the mood.
Chill out, porn is FANTASY. Whats wrong with fantasy? Think of some hunk u find sexy...there thats just fantasy. Lighten up, the feminist revolution happened over 30 yrs ago. Equality.
You need to bond together. try some new sex things! Go for it!
2007-03-08 21:38:50 · answer #5 · answered by Chloe 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'll put it like this my man looks at porn when I'm not around or if I paying on attiten to him but as soon as he see that I know that he is looking at it he will take it off the screen but since we are trying to get close to God he don't looking at it as much but he knows that is order to get close to God he his to stop completely stop looking at porn and it's not take you are not woman enough for him it's just a man thing but don't let it get out of hand out thing it do for men is it lets then fantasied and it gets them more hotter
2007-03-09 03:45:56 · answer #6 · answered by naomi walters 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I heard this same kinda thing on talk radio yesterday, I will tell you kinda what they said to her, Get over yourself, Men don't think like women, ie that why were men. It isn't anything emotional, or even sexy about watching porn, It is just something we all do( I disagree with them on this Its like 97% of men, and those that don't are defeated, and you wouldn't want a man like that.) for men it is a physcal release, thats all, If you ever go to a strip club, most men there are depreased and bored, but something in us cant help but look at it. kinda like women looking at another shoes, most men never even try to see what is on anyone feet, we don't understand why women do.
2007-03-08 22:13:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
i feel the same as you do, i concider it cheeting because he is having impure thoughts of someone other than his wife. if he wants to see naked women then he should come to you, not whor*es! if my husband did it i would leave him too...i love him more than life but i feel very strongly that when you love some one that that should be enough....but lots of people want more than that and it is wrong!
i would not be with a man that has to look at other women to want me!
2007-03-08 21:52:32 · answer #8 · answered by MomOf2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't be serious. This is certainly not cheating. This is doing what men do. If he didn't like to look at naked pictures then you wouldn't want him at all - because that would mean he also wouldn't want to look at your naked body.
In truth - I think if you went ahead and continued your stupid ways and did divorce him - It truly would be the best thing that ever happened to him.
2007-03-08 21:30:45 · answer #9 · answered by gaijinojiisan 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
absolutly not! no. no. no. if looking at porn consistuted cheating and grounds for divorce there would be about 5 married couples left. Almost every man I have every meet in my entire life looks at porn at some point. Why dont you take some sexy, naughty pictures of yourself and put them on his computer for him to find. or videotape yourself doing things to yourself *wink, wink* and give it to him. So then he is doing his thing to images of you.
2007-03-09 04:36:39 · answer #10 · answered by surfrchik 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋