I broke up with my fiance last week, and I feel I made a mistake. I want her back, now she says no.?

Question

We've been engaged for the better part of a year, and have dated for a year. She has a four year old son who I adore to death. The problem is, she hasn't let go of her past. She keeps putting the "other" family in front of me, She said to be patient with her, and I had for 2 years. These people have no clue about me, and still think she's a single mother needing help. She even went as far as to take pictures of us down and get rid of everything I gave her when they came and visited.Not to mention I would have to disappear. Well last Saturday was the last straw. We were supposed to have a nice family outing, just her, her son, and I, but one of his uncles wanted to come down to visit him. He saw him last week, and I felt I wanted the weekend with them cuz I missed them. She didnt see it this way, and accused me of trying to take her son's family, which was not the case. I told her she wasn't ready for marriage and told her to take the ring off. She did, but now I want her back.

I apologize. I should of made it clearer. She puts the son's family in front of me, not her own family. And granted its his father, but I feel the more time she takes to tell him, the harder it will be for both parties. Ive never said to her that he couldnt see his fathers side of the family, but she accuses me of it. But all I want is for her to recognize me and tell them that she has moved on with her life. But she wont do it, and its been 2 years, so Ive given her plenty of time.

And I want her back, because I love her and her son so much. And I feel she is "the one". But I feel I went through enough that Idont wanna feel this way. But I love her, and I know she loves me. But I feel I may have blown it all away, by not being patient for one more day. But a man can only take so much, and I'm hoping I made the right choice.

Answer 1

its hard in these situations because we can only assume what she is thinking or why she is doing the things she is doing...ie putting her sons family before u..but if u feel like an outsider and she treats u this way i think it maybe time to move on..sometimes love isnt enough..its sad but its true..it seems to me she doesnt see it from your point of view..give her space and see what happens..or u could talk to her tell her how u feel and if she doesnt listen then walk away

Answer 2

No, you don't want her back. You want someone to love and to love you. She is nowhere near ready to commit. My husband kept his family away from me for about 6 months, maybe a but less. I confronted him as you have done with her. The difference is, he didn't want to lose me so I was introduced to his family and we all moved along nicely. If she hasn't done it by now there are issues too big to deal with going on. You can't keep on giving and giving of yourself and not be accepted by this time. Stay away from her for a time with no contact and if she really wants this, she will contact you and let you into her whole family, otherwise it's not what she wants and you wasting your valuable love on certain heartache

Answer 3

You were too rash in your actions and you are paying back overtime. You really made it bad dude. Since she is not responding to you, I think you need to let her "cool down" before taking another step. Give her a week or two and maybe you can ry calling her up again. Good luck.

Answer 4

You deserve to be recognized. Don't go running back to her just yet because she'll continue the behaviour. Give yourself and her some time. If she realizes what she has lost then she will contact you and resolve this but if she doesn't you deserve better.

Answer 5

Wow ....what all did you give her. Sounds to me .like she doesnt think you are good enough to be her childs step father or to be in her family.

Thanks for pointing out the obvious. If after this period time you havent been introduced to the family, pretty good indicator that they really dont want you as part of their family

Answer 6

She isn't ready for marriage. She has put family before you.
Think of the reasons why you broke up and stick to them. You will get over it. When she is ready she might think again, but don't hold your breath.

Answer 7

her son should come first and for most, and if she loves you she would put everything except her son to the side to be with you, you should talk to her and explain that, if she can't understand then you need to find someone that will love you before anything else period.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

she does need to learn how to integrate both families.
this is strange behavior yall are about to be MARRIED, will she still expect you to disappear after its final? you are right to be mad, maybe you both overrreacted. giver her time.

but also,
if she doesnt see the problem, why do u want her back?

you need to see how dedicated she is to making this thing work....