I have been in a relationship for 3 years. My boyfriend and I have a 1 year old child and I need your help! Any advice at all is appreciated.
I was engaged 3 years ago when I got pregnant. He cheated on me when I was 5 months along. (For a few months-until I caught him). He didn't come clean. I had to show him the proof I had..and still he denied it. He only admitted it AFTER I moved out of our house. I fully intended on raising our child on my own!
Long story short.. I took him back because I wanted my child to have a father and I felt sorry for him..crying for me back all the time.
Today, I found online, that he's been soliciting girls to meet him (like last time--in a sexual way, of course).
I am financially dependant on him. I am afraid to leave, because I have no money to get a place of my own. (I was told I'd have a 2nd interview at a job I applied for this past week). I've been a stay-at-home mom for the past year to take care of my baby.
What are my chances of getting full custody of my child? I don't mind him getting visitation..because I feel he's a good dad. I DO worry about his family though.. In my opinion, his father is a pervert and his mother has been in and out of mental institutions. I worry about my child safety if he gets partial custody.
His family is "well-to-do/popular" in the community. I worry any judge for our city will side with my boyfriend b/c of his family.
Please help me!! I am desperate for advice at all. I just need some guidance. My parents are "old fashioned" and would tell me to "work it out".
I don't want to contract a disease because my boyfriend is running around on me.
Dumb me.. he's been pressuring me to marry him. I told him I would next month until I just found out he is doing these things again.
2007-03-08 18:48:32 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have kept the OLD emails and things to prove he was cheating while I was pregnant. He's ran across them a few times and wanted to shred them..but I hid them and he forgot about them.
Should I stay with him until I have more proof about "this" time? Thanks for all your advice. I really hope I get this job next week.. I'd feel so much better about myself and have strength to help my situation.
2007-03-08 19:13:01 · update #1
One other thing.. I haven't been having sex without a condom w/him since I found out about the cheating.. even while pregnant. He says I don't "make love" to him enough and gets so mad because I won't do it everyday.
2007-03-08 19:19:58 · update #2
What a ********, why you want your kid around trash, he probally molests your kid. Get out of town, Detroit had all kinds of welfare stuff if you have a kid. Free house...etc, just till you get on your feet and disappear from his family. Maybe ask welfare moms or places. All states award the mother custody,even if your an alcoholic. He never married you when you were pregnate, he don't give a ****. Christ's sakes your NOT financially dependant on him. That's just a little inconvience you will overcome espicially after you find out the girls he screws have STD's. Get your niece or a minor female to talk to him online then BINGO! You'll have him like on that tv show, and he'll be locked up....problem solved.
2007-03-08 19:08:26 · answer #1 · answered by Hazel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well unaniously you know you should leave him. Also that he will not stop cheating. You need to accept that. You need to stop trying to change him. I can tell you want to stay with this guy and you want him to change. It is not going to happen.
Yuor baby is better off in a single happy home. It is up to him to be a good, bad or indiffirent father to his child.
You need to get yourself together, financially and emotionally. It is not very hard to get physical custody for a mom. Dependent on the state you are in it could be a no fault state like California. Then again you are not married so that does not make a difference. The only thing about this is parental fitness. Are you a fit Mother, is he a fit Father. The judge is only concerned about the wellbeing of the child. You may score point with his moms mental wellbeing. Keep as much evidence as you can safely where he cant get to it.
Your parents need a wakeup call, they need to be there for you. If they care for you so much they should help. If they are so old fashioned how can they push you to stay with him when he is not your husband?
Look for a decent job. Government of Utilities are great. The pay well and are secure. He does need to give you child support for the baby.
Once a cheater always a cheater is true, he wont change. Move on. Good luck
2007-03-15 13:04:00 · answer #2 · answered by Sanj M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been through a lot for a young mother. Ask your family if you can live with them until you can become self sufficient. Then swallow your pride and go to the public aid in your town and ask for some help. Don't worry, they make you pay it back, so keep that in the back of your mind when you go there. Keep looking for a job and whatever you do, don't marry that man. If his father is a pervert, so is the son. You can bet a custody battle will come about, and I do believe you when you say that his family is very influential in your community and can make your life a living hell, just stay positive and document all of his actions and keep the originals of everything, make copies and only give these to the proper people. Inform public aide that you need an attorney and maybe the worker assigned to you will be of moral character and actually help you with your situation.
Keep Positive
Peace
2007-03-16 14:09:19 · answer #3 · answered by MissUnderstood 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it would be hard to leave because of the money issue.
The way I see it is try to go live with your parents, if that is a no go, then wait till you get a decent job that can support you and your baby, and then leave. It may take some time, but you have to do what is best for your child. Now the whole legal issue, it really depends on the situation and how well you can present that he is unfit to have shared custody. Judges usually side with mothers, but it is still hard to convince. The cheating will help you out alot though...good luck.
2007-03-09 02:54:50 · answer #4 · answered by Twinboymom22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey gal
Well you have alot on your plate at the moment. I think that you should go to some one like citizens advice bureau or even call them they can help you with any legal advice including custody of your child. Keep the proof of your boyfriend cheating as it could be handy to you later on if it does go through court to get across why you broke up with him and why you dont want your child around someone like that. If you want to move out and live on your own go to work and income and they can help you financially until you find a job. Also for your partner to go out and cheat on you he didnt love you or your child in the first place cos if he did he wouldnt be up to no good for the second time. Move out and you can do way better then him maybe then he will realise what he has lost. Wish you all the best and be strong
2007-03-09 03:02:55 · answer #5 · answered by wana help 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
poor dear. Yes leav him you deserve much better. especially if hes not willing to work things out. once a cheater always a cheater. you will more than likely get custody. Never be with a man because of a child you share a child can sense a loveless marraige and it torture for that child. Its better for a child to grow in a happy home that is single than in one that is married and unhappy. Child will get to see the father no matter what.. Make sure you get CHILD SUPPORT. That will help out so much. he would have to support you for so long (for x amount of months) untill you get a job and settled on your own two feet ) the judge wll decide this of how long... but during that time waste no time getting your stuff together like apt job and income stable. You deserve a man who respects you and your baby. The right one will come along. Just be patient... dont look for them he will come to you when you least expect it. Give him an ultimatum.. if he doesnt shape up then you are shiping out with his child support money. best wishes...
2007-03-15 02:48:35 · answer #6 · answered by misspookett 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's wonderful you are NOT married to this guy. You file for custody of your children after you get a job. Get a job first. It'll show you have the means to support the child. Next would be to find childcare. Even if you have a part time job, that would still help. You have an identity. If you're in California, judges tend to side with the mothers when it's financially sound. You won't get alimony because you're not married. Get yourself situated before you start any legal proceedings. Plan your attack. You can get him for child support.
2007-03-09 02:56:40 · answer #7 · answered by fatcatkeepers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cindy M., you need to wake up. I will tell you straight up from a man with many years of knowledge and excellent behavior education (street), men and women that disrespect their partners by cheating are both equally whores. Your child is much better off in a one parent loving home than in a two parent home with cheating and lying part of the scheme. You carry a mans baby and he is able to kiss, fondle, lick and insert himself in another woman, you are just starting your first stage of becoming a stupid fool. Your child will feel the pain, the sadness, the shame. You are talking about a possible job. Sorry, you can't use that as an excuse. You might be jammed up. I tell you this too. Bullshit on old-school, old-fashioned ways. If your mom would tell you stick in there, knowing just the simple pleasures of a man respecting you, loving you, would be some things you wouldn't be experiencing, I have to wonder what she might have accepted. I hope you do the right thing, he will not change, whores are like molesters, they just can't be fixed. Good luck. You are welcome to vent at me, David. slackdoe@yahoo p.s. Piss on their money and status, you just let the judge know your child will not be raised to believe a cheating spouse is the norm. You carry yourself properly and love the baby unconditionally you will prevail. If it gets scary and mommy and daddy let you down, I did over two years of superior court business and kicked ***. Best of luck to you and the baby.
2007-03-09 03:30:08 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. Know 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow it sounds like you have a heartache full of pain to go threw. Cheaters always cheat, he seems to want to have his cake and every other little cupcake around too...
This is a tough one, perhaps talk to a lawyer about the situation... as the mother the courts often side with you, and he is the one cheating....
Get the job and move out with your child, some people would say stick it out but he will hurt you over and over again and with all the diseases out there I don't blame you for being worried..
What is bewildering is that he is pressuring you to marry him but trying to find new girls to cheat with on the side... where is this man's head at....
If you think about it you have put off the marriage though he pushed for it... it sounds like your inner voice has been screaming loud and clear to stop you from making the marriage official...
2007-03-09 02:56:35 · answer #9 · answered by Twigglet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak with him and let him know that you're aware of him soliciting with other girls. Let him know that you want out. As for custody of the child, you will need to present a case to the family court to determine if you qualify. Get yourself a job and you'll have a strong case to fight custody of the child. Having influential parents or not has no place in this case thus will not be the determining factor.
2007-03-09 02:56:06 · answer #10 · answered by SGElite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋