My dilemma is this: my son will be 13 years old in a little more than a week. I am not saying these things because he is my son, but he is extremely adorable(good looking). He is about 5'9" and weighs about 170. He is very broad shouldered like my husband and already looks like a little man and hasn't even hit puberty. I know when he is grown up, he will be extremely handsome! Also, he is a straight A student, very good morals, extremely athletic, and a good sense of humor! He has some good friends, but the problem is I worry because he is very shy! He doesn't talk to girls and doesn't have girls as friends. He also doesnt accept compliments well. He also says when he has to speak or play sports in front of people he experiences extreme anxiety! I know he thinks girls are cute, etc. but he just won't develop relationships with them and has a hard time talking to people he isn't familiar with. I just feel he could have the world if he realized how easy he could have it! How to help him?
2007-03-08 17:41:04 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Goodness, he's 13. Let me just let you know that I am 25 no kids, recently married, and my mom was worried about the same thing when I was his age. She thought I was anti-social and even tried to put me in counseling. Truth was I never wanted to explain to her the reasons why. Just some, others would scare you.
All my cousins were pregnant by the time they hit 14, 15, and 16 years old. They starting practicing way before then, that's just when they got caught. Trust me, teens don't need any pushing. It sounds like you have a smart son. REALLY SMART!! Even in elementary, My sister in law went on a field trip with my nieces and you could never imagine what these 6 and 7 year old kids were talking about.
I know your son may seem shy, but maybe he just hasn't found out how to be secure with a few things yet. When he sees one that's worth it, he won't be able to stop it.
I am sure you son has been approached plenty of times with questions from girls, little love notes and such things.
girls these days, even little girls have the spirit of the world on them just as a lot of women who are a lot older do.
do you ever look at certain women and think to yourself "what a shame"? Its scary today.
It got so bad at school that I stopped going for a long while. I would have to ride the bus to school and then walk home just to avoid certain situations.
And I didn't grow up in any type of ghetto town. All my neighbors were nice, a great, clean neighborhood. Nice school, just growing up is scary.
I say, congratulate your son. He will grow out of it. I would rather have the problem of shyness than be dealing with babies at 14 and 15.
A good woman (one who will LOVE and ADORE your son) will appreciate his qualities.
It is nice to know that a man is picky, it makes a woman feel so much more needed.
Good job on raising that boy. He must find great value in his momma cause he sounds picky, not shy.
2007-03-08 18:01:58 · answer #1 · answered by Stamping Machine 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your concern. It may be that he is shy or has social anxiety. Everyone suggests that you shouldn't worry about him, but if you feel it is keeping him from reaching his potential, then maybe you should talk to his doctor. As a child I had social anxiety, but I didn't get help until I was an adult. It kept me from doing a lot and I really wish I had learned to deal with it at a younger age. I was just like your son-attractive, athletic, good grades. When a boy liked me, my friends would end up talking to him for me and then they always ended up with the guy. I had A's but would jeopardize my grade by making excuses not to give the oral presentation. This could be a phase or it could be something more. I would talk to your son about it. If he admits to having anxiety issues then I suggest you make an appointment for him to talk to a psychologist. Let him know that if he's feeling anxious, you can help him. Honestly, the sooner he deals with it, the sooner he can start becoming comfortable in anxious situations. There is medication for social anxiety, although I'm not sure what the minimum age is to take it. I was only on it a short time until I learned how to deal with the anxiety in other ways (building confidence, deep breaths, meditation, forcing myself to take public speaking classes, etc.) You need to decide if you think this is a phase or not. Good luck to you and your son. He sounds like a great kid!!!
2007-03-09 04:23:08 · answer #2 · answered by Swim Mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My son is 16 and is also the most adorable thing in the world! lol He also really has no interest in girls either (or boys, for that matter!)......his main thing is fishing, that's all he wants to do and is already in tournaments and trying to become pro. Personally, I'm glad he doesn't want to be chasing girls.....I've read so many questions on here about young kids that think they might be pregnant, asking questions about how to have sex, etc., I'd much rather deal with the fishing!!!! Don't worry, your son is going to develop an interest in girls soon enough, then you'll wish he'd wait! Good luck..........
PS: LOTS of people have anxiety talking in groups.....I'm 42 years old and I still do! I think that's pretty normal.
2007-03-09 06:23:01 · answer #3 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he might be a little taller than average for his age? Taller kids at that age often go through a shy stage until others catch up to them in height. Don't worry about him yet, Mom. Just let him develop naturally. You sure don't want to push him toward girls. It'll happen soon enough and you'll hardly ever see him. So enjoy him while you can.
2007-03-09 01:47:29 · answer #4 · answered by itry007 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With the description you gave, it sound like he is right on track. Hell, at 13 my favorite thing was a dirt bike... not the girl next door (so to speak) He sounds like a parents dream! Give him a little time to become comfortable with who he is and who he is becoming. Like you said, he hasn't even hit puberty yet. I'm 36 y/o and compared to when I grew up, kids today seem to have to grow up so quickly.
Keep worrying... It's your job! :-)
2007-03-09 02:38:26 · answer #5 · answered by and,or,nand,nor 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is only 13 and has PLENTY of time. I would not push him because he might resent you. Some people are just really shy and there is nothing wrong with that. They still have a life It just doesnt have to be in lime light like some people.
2007-03-14 20:27:03 · answer #6 · answered by Simple Life? HAHA 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people are naturally shy. Try not to point it out to him. Just treat him like a person without trying to "fix" him and he will develop to the best that he can be. If he has interests, support those interests.
Girls will not be a problem to attract based on your description.
2007-03-09 01:46:47 · answer #7 · answered by ignoramus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, you just said it --- he is just 13. he is still trying to adjust to his secondary characteristics. like what you said, he still haven't hit puberty... well maybe, he already has without you knowing it, and as I said, he may still be adjusting to the slow changes/development in his body... I hope you realize that the development of the the secondary characteristics among children is a bit too awkward for them to handle because most of the ones that take place has something to do with sex... just relax, if he is already a bit older and still hasn't changed, then, try to ask again...
2007-03-10 06:12:41 · answer #8 · answered by trooper J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's fine. Let him "come into his own." He is still young. When I was 13, girls were last thing on my mind...having fun with my friends was on my mind. If he is as talented and handsome as you say, then he won't have any problems with girls when the time comes. Just let him be a kid and experience life at his own pace.
2007-03-09 01:51:11 · answer #9 · answered by grungemunky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him a chance and alway be there to answer any questions. Remember, his body is going through a lot of changes right now and that may be enough for him to deal with at one time. I wouldn't worry but above all else I would not push him.
2007-03-09 01:50:00 · answer #10 · answered by For_Gondor! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋