Advise Please...i have been feeling very insecure?

Question

When my ex broke up with me, he was pursuing another girl..a one night stand he was with before we met, who had his child because of it. He told me she was a mistake and he thought she was "trash", and it was a big msitake. Well, I found out when he was pursuing her he told her he was never attracted to me and never really loved me. I asked him about it, and of course he denied it. But his actions now made me think he did say these things. Now, I am very insecure, self concious about how attractive I am. I know it sounds stupid, but I cant help it. His opinion of me mattered at one time, & now I feel like he lied to me. When we were together he showed me much interest and I am total opposites of this other girl. I am just more conservative and "classier". I dont get what he saw in her ,looks and personality. Im told I am very pretty but I second guess myself now, I am not as confident as I used to be.Wether or not he was being honest, why did he say these things he made me feel foolish

Answer 1

I'm not real good at being tacfull,so I'm just gonna say what's on my mind & if any other guys get upset with me,then too bad.

1)One problem that males have more than females have is hormonal imbalance syndrome. It's when a guy is not using the brain that God gave him & instead he's letting his hormones think for him.
This has NOTHING, NATTA, ZERO, ZILCH, to do with you,but unfortunatly,you are the one that gets all the crap about it.

2)DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT,let yourself be concerned with what 1 person thinks of you; unless you're a trouble maker(which I highly doubt), you are a far more beautiful young Lady than you think you are....which brings up another subject to try & ease your mind.

Females have a problem that MOST Males do not have. They under estimate how beautiful they truly are. Seriously. This is a problem that 75%- 80% of females have.

if you can look into the mirror & like who you see,then worry not about what others think....ESPECIALLY this so called BF!!
after all,in the grand scheme of things,it's HIS LOSS not yours.

Answer 2

What he did to you caused trauma, which can go away naturally, or you might need help from a therapist. You invested your feelings of self worth into what he did to make you feel special, and then found out he was a creep who was doing only what it took to keep you as his girlfriend. Even if you were the ugliest person on the planet, there would be no reason for you not to have all the self confidence you need, except that you hold yourself back from it. This is where the therapist comes in. There is a delicate balance between healthy confidence, low confidence, and Extreme confidence. Low confidence can disguise itself as snobbery as well. Extreme confidence can also manifest itself in false humility. When you are in a traumatic state of mind, your self confidence could be changed in a way that effects the rest of your life. A therapist can help you sort out your feelings, and bring you to a healthy self confidence.

Answer 3

Other people heads is a poor place to keep your happiness. I read that somewhere.... and that is what your doing right now. You should never allow anyone to tell you who you are or what your worth. That's just silly if you think about it. As humans we all want love and acceptance, but the irony is that we have to define who we are first. Before anyone can love us: Not the other way around- finding some one to love us and figuring out who we are.
I don't want to offend you so if you don't believe in God just don't take my advice. But my advice is to go and get a book titled -Captivating by John & Stasi Eldridge. I think thats how you spell the last name. Its a wonderful book for women.

Answer 4

You dont need a guy like this ...Dump him and get a better guy who loves you for who you are. He could be telling the same story to many other girls, not only you. You deserve better. Dont be sad or in-secure. You should feel more confident cause you are pretty and you can afford to get a better guy.

Answer 5

Likely because he was feeling guilty and not able to accept blame himself. Some people project their feelings on others and try to make them feel as bad as they do. Quit second guessing yourself and remember that you are just as beautiful and classy as even and now smarter for being rid of this guy.

Answer 6

this tends to be normal when someone dumps you. when you are together with someone, you start sharing an identity, and when that someone leave, or makes you question that identity you loose faith in yourself. and that is why you feel insecure. its also due to the fact that you had faith in your ex, and that faith that you had is gone. its sort of like loosing something you believe in.