My wife of 12 years started a relationship with a coworker about a month before she left me. She told me that it wasn't an affair because she hadn't loved me for the last year. It broke my heart when she told me this. I wish she had told me that she didn't have feelings for me until it was to late. Anyways she said that it wasn't an affair even though we where married and still sleeping together. What do you think. If she didn't love me is it still an affair or a new relationship?
2007-03-08 16:55:02 · 28 answers · asked by The best I can do 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
its an affair, not a new relationship. its something that was done behind your back, in a deceitful way. they will always say the relationship just happened, but most of the time it was something that had been in the works a long time, they don't want to admit it, it would make them look like a cheating dishonest person, but its just what they are. she can sugar coat it all she wants, say it just begun,its an affair if she was still married to u and seeing him, she just don't want to look bad to others. see her for what she truly is, this did not just happen, and the fact she no longer loved u, doesn't change a thing. if she did not love u, she should have been honest with u, and left the marriage prior to beginning a new relationship. she did u a wrong, an injustice. just a cheater, with no morals.
2007-03-08 21:40:04 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A rose by any other name....
What a transparent way for her to "define" this "relationship." Affairs are so common, I don't even want to get into that. What I find morally reprehensible is that someone could be so cruel as to tell you she hadn't loved you for a year. But, sweetie, whether you call it an affair or a new relationship, that doesn't really matter now, do you think? What I mean is that it doesn't "help" or change anything. The definition is the least of your trauma. I don't know enough to come down as hard on her as I'm inclined. But I will say, you've got to be better off without her. I'm so sorry. But don't get "stuck" in the labels. You've been hurt--obviously. & 12 years is a long time; I know. Most of my clients never made it that far. In that sense, I think they were better off than you. It really doesn't matter what we "think." You have an adjustment to make, but you also have a LIFE to live--& I sincerely hope it will be a happier one!
2007-03-09 01:31:26 · answer #2 · answered by Valac Gypsy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was an affair. She is just trying to justify the guilt she had when starting the relationship and still being married. Plus it sounds like she may have just been waiting for another to come along before leaving you. This is typical for woman as some have the need to have that other person in their life before they leave the person they are with. It is definitely time to move on. I too would have been more hurt by her saying that she hadn't loved your for over a year rather than the affair.
2007-03-09 01:08:14 · answer #3 · answered by sdo3lg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First sorry about the breakup. Now is it technically an affair or not? I say it is because it sounds like she's happy in this. Some affairs are more intense than others. Do you have to officially have sex and then say congradulations, we're now in an official affair? Also is she telling you everything about this? Maybe they'v been sleeping together for a long time. And she's trying to let you down easy but not telling you everything. Obviously it's none of my business. But since you put this out into cyberspace, the best thing would be to try and work it out. If you honestly can't stay together then move on. Wondering about all the what if's doesn't accomplish anything.
2007-03-09 01:06:24 · answer #4 · answered by ginzawasabi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she is still married to you and the two of you are not in the process of a divorce at the time she started seeing this other person. It is an affair. If someone wants out of a relationship then they need to deal with that before pursuing another interest.
2007-03-09 00:59:57 · answer #5 · answered by Starshine 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's an affair, yes. She should have told you she didn't love you first, then move out, then start a new relationship. Your wife is an idiot, you will thank her for leaving when you find a good woman to marry.
2007-03-09 03:03:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it is an affair, an "extra-marital" affair to be exact. If you were still married at the time of her "affair", any relationship outside of the matrimony is considered adultery. Which is illegal. Does she think you are stupid or something? No matter what she felt internally, you are her husband.
2007-03-09 01:03:45 · answer #7 · answered by pinayschoolgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as you are still married, it is an affair. The next step for you is to end the marriage and let her go on to her new relationship.
2007-03-09 00:59:06 · answer #8 · answered by fly guy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She was still married to you whether she loved you or not...so yes...it was an affair...you can't start a new relationship until you've taken care of the old one in my opinion...good luck
2007-03-09 00:59:18 · answer #9 · answered by myfairlady46 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
wow I think it was an affair if she did not love you she should have filed for divorce before starting a new relationship
2007-03-09 00:58:59 · answer #10 · answered by iseemen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋