do i still love him by the way im acting?

Question

Do you think i still love him?or was it love?
i liked him eversince i was 11, i always had that special feeling for him , i used to fight with him about simple matters in school just to get his attention, he once told me he loved me, but as a kid, i dont think that was ever true.
eventhough in high school we were no longer school mates, i still think of him, dream about him everyday, wishing that somehow he could still be close to me, he is constantly in my thoughts and i wrote about 10 poems or more for him,
in college ive resolved to write about my feelings for him, though i know its too late, i just wanted him to know, he never replied anyway,i dont know what made me think that we both feel the same, when all this years i was a forgotten past, i dont know why i was so hooked with him, i know he is not worth my love, not worthy of my attention,i was rejected, but it doesnt seem to matter, i still wish the best for him, i still cry whenever i meet him at the school in college, i dont want to talk to him,am i still in love

Answer 1

I think you formed a real bond with him at an early age and it grew and you may have placed a lot of your emotional and maybe even fantasy onto him because he would be there, because he was always safe, maybe. That way you really didn't have to go out with anyone and commit or get really serious with anyone else. Right? Maybe he has just been a crutch, a pacifier or whatever you want to call it. But, now that you are older and realize maybe you gave up a lot for someone and they didn't even care? They weren't on the same page, they grew up emotionally maybe? While you got sort of stuck. Is this making sense to you? If so, what you need to do is keep up the writing, for yourself, tell all your feelings to yourself as always and get the hurt and anger out too, just like you did all the other feelings that were not returned. Get mad, work it out on paper. But also get out of the rut you have made for yourself, meet people. Go out in groups. Get involved in activities on campus and find a job or whatever, just meet people and go out with the next decent guy that asks you and have fun.Don't expect to change in a week but over time you should. If it's this way in a yr. get help. It's not normal and it's a big issue that you need to get over. So, my advise is get into the drama club or whatever there is that will allow you to meet people and live for real with real relationships and the ups and downs of a real boyfriend, to get the skills you need to give and take and become an adult who can go on with her life and be happy. I will pray for you. God help this child of yours to get over her fear of relationships, over this fantasy of this friend that her feelings are misplaced on and let her move on to bigger and better things. Allow her Lord, to meet good decent people that will love her and allow her to become the person you made her to be, so she can move on. Lord, you are all things to all people and we need you as a guide and a comforter for this child right now, stay with her and guide her in where you would have her go. We thank you for your comfort and your love and we bless you father God for all your help and we love you, Amen. Good night

Answer 2

get over it. think about yourself first and not others. dont waste your time about someone who doesnt care about you. it's not worth it.