My boy friend does not care if he ends up losing me. I have been with him for 5 years now and there is an issue with his mother. That being she has to live with us after marriage and she hates me. She doesnt even talk to me. Having said that, if I confront my bf about this, he gets angry and says that it is upto me to make things better (after marriage though). He says that his mother is very reasonable woman and she will eventually come around if I treat her well. But beyond this situation, if I ask him to choose between us, he gets angry. If I threaten him with breaking up, he does not care and says that if I choose to leave him, it is my loss.
I love him dearly but I am not so sure now, if the 5 years I spent with him was really worth it. What should I do?
2007-03-08 16:15:12 · 12 answers · asked by Lucky 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I thought this question was going to be a lot different than it was. I thought it was about loving someone so much that you are terrified of losing them sometimes, even when things are going really well.
However, in this situation, he does sound a bit blunt, to put it nicely, but you are asking him to choose between you and his own mother, and family is one of those things you will rarely win arguments against. His mum will win this one.
Good Luck.
2007-03-08 16:23:22 · answer #1 · answered by PleaseNoMoreNumbers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave! Leave now! I know it may be the hardest thing you've ever did, but you will thank yourself for it later. I'm sorry to break it to you, but he does not care about you. Like you said, he does not care if you break up. Hello? Get a clue! LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE. I've been there and done that. I wish I would have had someone to tell me. Please save yourself from being miserable for the rest of your life. Even if his mother disappeared off the face of the earth tomorrow, you would still be stuck with a man who doesn't really care about you. He probly is just with you because you are still there. DO NOT MARRY HIM! YOU CAN DO BETTER!!!!!! Forget about the 5 years you have together. That is nothing compared to the rest of your life. LEAVE! Yes, it will hurt horribly at first but if you plan for it and try to keep yourself busy with friends, family, a hobby...whatever, it will be over with sooner than you think. Someday you will meet a man who truly loves you and respects you and would never let his mother disrespect you in your own house. Good luck. Please be strong and do the right thing. LEAVE!!!!!!!
2007-03-09 00:39:24 · answer #2 · answered by sarah s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
uh, uh, their is no choosing for him. He has put you in your place according to him, which makes me sick. He has to have priorities, and if you are not one of them, then kick him 2 the curb. Don't put up with the stuff if you don't have too. I had this same relationship, and it stunk, except I had 2 kids to think about. It bites, but you are better off living your live in a non-controlling situation where he can make you feel like a piece of grossness on the side of the road instead of his wife. They, he, has to make changes and make the adjustments once married. If he is unwilling to do so, I am saying what you are already feeling. It is not right or fair. Live for yourself, because no-one else can do it for you. I'm sorry, got stuck in the hole for so long, I couldn't take it anymore. Try not to get yourself to that point. It was worth it for me. Got 2 kids out of the relationship, but am so glad I went forward and stayed in a stagnant relationship that was going nowhere, because I had the kids, otherwise, no, no. I had to take care of all the B.S. It was for the children. Do what is right in your heart. I think that you know, but it is a "snot" to finally decide. Life stinks, and then you go on, sometimes better, sometimes. worse. Believe me, in it again, 2nd husband, thinking it was all peaches and cream. No life will be like that. I wish you the best, and hope that you make the right decision because I couldn't even live like that no matter how much I loved him. Love doesn't conquer all things. Being realistic does. You can do it, I have the faith. Not negative, just realistic.
2007-03-09 00:27:05 · answer #3 · answered by r-alert 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't believe everything he tells you... it's not your loss, it's his. Giving up 5 years of your life is a whole lot better than giving up the rest of your life. He doesn't have to choose between you and his mother... you have to. If you are not comfortable with her around now, imagine how miserable you will be when she comes to live with you!
I say, dump the guy (and the mother) and start dating again. Only then will you really know if you love(d) the person or were just comfortable with the relationship.
I think if you really loved him you wouldn't be asking him to choose. Then again if he really loved you wouldn't be needing to ask.
2007-03-09 00:33:51 · answer #4 · answered by J j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all- don't ever make idle threats. If you are going to tell him that 'you will leave unless'- you had better be prepared to do it! If you claim you will, and then don't... well now what? Now, he does not believe that your words mean anything.
It sounds like he should marry his mommy... and you might want to go find a man that can make it through life without his mommy holding his hand.
5 years is nothing compared to 10, 15, 20- 50 years of conflicted, painful and miserable marriage. If you marry into that, you are not going to be happily married. YIKES!
2007-03-09 00:25:02 · answer #5 · answered by Val W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ohh!! come on
i mean you want a son to believe his mother is not good with you.. IMPOSSIBLE!!!!
its not that he dont care for you... its that he cares for his mother also.. thats natural
just imagine about your own mother... can you bear she being insulted by your bf?? ]
mother-in-laws are great problem always...so its nothing new..go ahead darling!! you are on the right path. there is no way to make someone love you...especially the in laws.. but when you treat her good, she will have to accept you
AND never let anyone in your life to choose between two best things in his life.........that's the worst treatment you give to any one...
anyways hopefully you will do the right thing
take care
2007-03-09 00:46:46 · answer #6 · answered by deyyboan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't ask him to choose b/w u n his mom. sit with him n have a clear talk, tell him the fact that she does not likes u wat to do... how can u two ppl live together...... If he really cares u... he will never hurt u. There should be three things are very important in life to be happy... Understanding, Adjustment n the most important sacrifying for the loved once wish (happy). in everything..... (these things are very important for the foundation of a life)...
2007-03-09 06:55:02 · answer #7 · answered by Janu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One word After reading wat you have written is- Confidence
If you have it then go ahead marry him.See even if you may face problem with your mother-in-law but you will have your loving husband.If you think that you will not initiate any quarrel and will try to maintain a healthy family.
Try few things
Talk to her once or twice and figure out what irritates her more. you or your ways.
After marriage, if you decide to marry him ofcourse try to minimize all those things that she dont like abt you , starting from the serial(soap) you see. music you listen , food you like.
I know its tough but to win someones heart you have to be exactly like her or atleast someone she wont shout at.
Hope you got my point. It is risky but its upto you to decide.
Take Care
2007-03-09 00:36:06 · answer #8 · answered by CoolestnHotest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and work it out the best you can... 5 years is a long time.. and losing someone is just so hard..
2007-03-09 04:17:28 · answer #9 · answered by Nettie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart if he is already putting his mom first you are in serious trouble, he will never stand up for you against his mother, rethink getting married to him if his mother will be living with you... wait till you have kids :(
2007-03-09 00:21:37 · answer #10 · answered by iseemen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋