My boyfriend never wants to have sex. We live together for over 2 years. From the very beginning of our relationship something was missing. I thought that maybe we needed more time..We have sex like once every six months. We never kiss like girlfriend and boyfriend do.. he kisses me sometimes but it feels more like a friend’s kiss.. There is no intimacy between us whatsoever. I was trying to talk to him about it but he just gets defensive. He does have a problem sometimes to stay hard and he usually blames me for that. I don’t think it’s me because I had many boyfriends before and everything was totally opposite !! I know he is not cheating on me. He never leaves house except to go to work. I love him but I need sex! He is always making sex jokes - but he is all talk and NO action.
So - what's the deal?? Do some people just have no sex drive?
2007-03-08 16:07:21 · 31 answers · asked by ola j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are several possibilities. First, is he getting it some where else or wanting it from someone else? Second, depression. Third, what is there between you in terms of love. Fourth, is there something physically wrong with him. It could be anyone of these or it could be a combination. Sounds a bit like there may be depression or a physical problem if he is having trouble maintaining an erection.
2007-03-08 16:15:55 · answer #1 · answered by cnc_13023 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is very difficult to maintain a relationship without intimacy...let alone sexual intimacy. You mentioned that he has difficulty maintaining an erection. First understand that it is not your fault. And it has nothing to do with your "ability" in bringing about erections in past boyfriends. He has either a physical problem that is preventing proper erection, too low testosterone (which could result in low sex drive), or some kind of mental block.
When dealing with couples in this situation you look for the physical reasons first because they can be easier to solve. Have him go see a urologist for a complete exam and also to have blood work to check his hormone levels. If he checks out fine in that way have your urologist recommend an experienced sex therapist. There are activities you can do together in the bedroom to stimulate blood flow to that area and increase/improve his ability to get and maintain an erection. You can get an idea if you check out books concerning male erections.
Hope this helps
2007-03-09 00:35:38 · answer #2 · answered by answergirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, for me, I have no drive. My bf is always beating off and he comes so fast, that it isn't keeping me interested. He says well give me time to get hard again, and I'm sorry, but my fire goes out too fast if I have to wait.
I'm feeling I'm this way cause of menopause too. BUT alot of the time, I just don't like him touching me, because I feel he's still in love with his ex gf. And his touch just doesn't turn me on. I hate saying it, but it's true. His kisses don't trun me on either. He likes to be touched and I don't. Our relationship is doomed!! Cause of me!!
Your bf is more than likely embarressed cause he can't stay hard. Has he tried the lotions that help? OR maybe some viagra. Is he old enough to be at that stage in his life? He's more than anything embarressed honey. Try the stay hard lubes and see if that helps.
Hang in there and try different things honey, or get him to a doctor. It could be a medical problem.
2007-03-09 00:22:37 · answer #3 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he masturbate? Does he have erections at night when he sleeps? If he masturbates and has night erections, then there's nothing wrong physically, but he may not like sex. If he has erectile problems more than 25% of the time, he will need to get counseling. He probably avoids sex because of these problems. This is a very tough problem to fix and he'll need a counselor who can help. If he doesn't have erections at night, he may have a physical problem and needs to see a doctor. Tell him to see a doctor first, and then a counselor if the doctor says he's fine physically. If he won't do it, then leave, because your sexual needs don't match his willingness to meet those needs, and you will not be happy with him regardless of how much you love him.
2007-03-09 00:11:05 · answer #4 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him at the kitchen table and no matter what he says, tell him how you feel about this. Tell him, even if he makes remarks, that you want so support himn and aren't trying to blame him, but that you want to fix whatever problem there is. Tell him you made an appointment with a therapist. If he goes, good luck. If he doesn't, tell him you're leaving in 30 days. Then do it. There's more to life than this turkey is giving you, and I don't just mean sex.
2007-03-09 00:16:14 · answer #5 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe he is gay. Does he have female characteristics? My friend 's husband was the same way and he ended up coming out of the closet. They divorced. He lives with his "boyfriend" and he is still friends with his ex. The jokes are to cover up something. Has he had a long term relationship with a female before? Is he hung up on a former love? there are many things it could be. You need to give more info. better yet you need to tell him how you feel.
2007-03-09 00:20:58 · answer #6 · answered by stayin alive 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes some people have low labidos,sounds like your BF,either is not turned on,or intrested in you sexually,or has a medical problem,to where he just cant get it up and do it,so he just avoids it to save face...it has been my experience that guys who talk alot about sex useually cant do it or are lousy lovers....if this is the case he is probally embarrassed,(this is a sensative man thing) if in fact he is not turned on by you he would avoid the topic to save your feelings and the friendship...either way,you should be gettin some!!! you need to make that VERY clear...
2007-03-09 00:18:23 · answer #7 · answered by 2fitornot2fit 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I sort of have that same question except me and my boyfriend have been together for11 years and share a child so it may be a little bit different Oh! and he has no problem stayin hard,how old is he and is he a diabetic? Diabetics tend to have problems stayin erect.Maybe your should try role playin or toys.
2007-03-09 00:21:11 · answer #8 · answered by lay lay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear friend, you have too much sex on your mind. You do not have to have sex to maintain a relationship. It is not everything. As long he still loves and cares for you, I think he is a perfect gentleman and that is very special. He is not like other guys and you can't compare him with your other boyfriends that you have. If for some reason, you are still thinking that sex is important, I think you better look for your other boyfriends for it. Good luck.
2007-03-09 00:17:07 · answer #9 · answered by Ashley 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is possible that something has happened in his past that has turned him off from sex or he could just not have a normal sex drive. If you have tried to talk to him about it and he wont open up to you about it, you may have to leave him or learn how to pleasure yourself.
2007-03-09 00:13:23 · answer #10 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋