Marriage and partying, what's normal?

Question

Ok, i'm 20 years old and married, I know half of you are thinking that I got married to young and will write this. However, I dated my husband for 6 years (ok, we were young then too but trust me, I really do love him). We have a son, whos a year old. My question is this, what is normal partying while married with kids? My husband just turned 21 and decided that drinking is his new hobby ( i think it sucks) and I'm not talking about occasional drinking. He wants to drink every night, even if he's just with me. I come from a home where drinking drove my parents apart when I was 4. So I think it's a bad habit to start. Drinking has led to partying. He wants to go out every week with his friends while I stay home with the baby. So i'm asking you, what's normal? I hate it when he goes out because I hardly ever see him (i work and school days, he works and schools nights) so on the weekends its a bum deal. Sorry this is long, can you help..

Answer 1

This is highly unusual. Drinking and partying leads to cheating. You better give him the facts now or you'll be heartbroken.

Answer 2

This is one of the main reasons people suggest marrying when you are a little older so you can get this partying garbage out of your system a bit and can focus on being a responsible adult (which YOU definitely are). Anyway, Your husband has a family to be responsible for. A little partying with pals once in a while (considering your total obligations I would say monthly is more acceptable) is fine, but considering you two have such limited time with each other and your child as a family, he should concentrate on the real priority...you guys.
Because of your past home life, you definitely have a negative view of alcohol, and it totally is understandable. Does he know of this? You may want to reiterate your feelings. I do not believe drinking is wrong, but anything that takes too much time away from your priorities is not right, and that includes even a job. There needs to be a balance, and the two of you should work on it to find it. Please talk to him about how much you love him and care about him. Talk to him about your family needing time together. You both should be enjoying time with the baby and with each other. Just because you guys have been together for six years, doesn't mean he can drop the ball now. There is also the safety issue of drinking and driving that could take him away from his family. There is a lot to consider.
Are his friends single? I imagine most are. He really needs to realize that his single life is over. There is time for friends, and every man and woman should have it, but family still must be number one.

Answer 3

If he were 30 I'd say he is an idiot, but he's 21 and I'll say he's still a kid. As a female you matured faster and even faster yet going through a pregnancy and being given the wonderful gift of a son. That said, your husband can't just bail on you to party. How about sitting down and talking to him when the two of you are both in a good mood and he hasn't been drinking. Tell him your concerns and let him know you understand how hard it is to not follow suit with his single friends. See if he'll compromise, drink very light weekdays after the baby goes to bed and one night a week you get a sitter for the night and you BOTH go out and have fun (you need to be a 20 yr old sometime too). Just don't resort to nagging... approach it with understanding and I know right now that is hard. I do hope it works out for you.

I married at 17 and had my son at 21 (barely), he is now 26 yrs old! And guess what? It only gets easier and easier!! Good Luck...

Answer 4

First off, there is no such thing as normal, even so your man is still a boy. What good comes of drinking or the need to get high on anything? He has issues that he doesn't want to deal with. You really did marry too young and your husband is way behind on the growing up curve.
Make it real to him no more of this little boy crap. Does he want to be a husband and father or a little boy? Ask him how he would feel if you did the same thing.
You might piss him off, if so, you know you married a boy, dump him. Let him know it's his choice grow up or lose you and his son because that's going to happen anyway unless this is handled.

Answer 5

well, i got married when i was 19 and my husband was 23... i think that partying and drinking should be saved for those without much resposability... when i turned 21, sure, i enjoyed being able to go out to clubs with my hubby and have a drink every now and then, but i definately never made it a habit... i had too much going on, like work, school, and a husband... i think that going out and having a drink every now and then is great, or even getting a lot tipsy... but i do not ever get drunk w/o my hubby, and one of us always stays sober... but certainly not often.. there is more than me worry about now... i am living my life for both of us, not just me... good luck, this might be a tough one to fix or change... and remember, change comes from within, he will only change if he really wants to...

Answer 6

hi, I got married when I was 21, but I got my partying our of my system. Occasionally we would go out together and leave the kids at home with grandma, but that is normal.

Your husband is not being very responsible as a parent for drinking so much. Having friends are great, but what he is doing is not.

I'm 28 now and I've been with my husband for 9 years, 3 kids later he is still the man I married but more responsible...Your hubby's got to get his priorities straight.

You need to talk to him, he might be an alcoholic now.

Answer 7

Excessive partying whether married or not is not a good thing. It sounds like your husband is being extremely irresponsible, selfish and is becoming an alcoholic. You need to have a serious conversation with him...especially with your knowledge of how excessive alcohol and destroy relationships. Try and get him to cut down is parting with his friends to maybe 2-3 times a month. Also get him to take you out and maybe go dancing, etc together and get a babysitter...because you are still young. Let him know that being of legal age to drink also carries the weight of drinking responsibly.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck

Answer 8

Its normal for a 21 year old to want to drink. Just watch that it doesn't get too excessive, and if it does, steer him gently away from it. If that doesn't work, stand in front of the door with a rolling pin and tell him to go sit down.

Answer 9

I think he's partying too much. Your both young and theres alot of fun to be had. But you have a kid and you shouldn't be left alone all the time. It's alot of stress, work, school, marriage, family. But your both experiencing that stress. He may not see that he's adding to your stress. You have to tell him to slow down. Hang in there, and don't be a doormat.

Answer 10

Look YOU WERE TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED.
He is now legally able to drink an is going to over indulge himself. You both need to sit down and you need to explain how you feel. You might love him too death but how does he feel? Do not try too stop him cold turkey suggest moderation and set a schedule when he could have some "Guy time"
Counseling might be an option but only if you both agree.

Answer 11

my best friend is in the exact same position as you. i tell her that you are both young and he might feel that he hasn't got that much of a responsibility if someone is looking after your child. i believe he is doing wrong by both you and your child but at the same time you both are young and havent had the chance to live an independent single life... and that's what it sounds like to me.... he doesn't want his"youth" life to be swapped from under his feet.... guys are different to girls we prioritise and we know what responsibility is all about.... talk to him about your concern..... that's all i can say....