Our marriage is horrible. We have a 5 and 2 year old, one more on the way. I love my kids dearly, and they are the only reason I have stayed in this relationship. My wife is always in a bad mood. Always acts as if she hates me! We have absolutely nothing in common. We have had sex maybe a dozen times in the last 8 years, and have gone as long as two years without it. I have never cheated on her. We can hardly have a conversation without it becoming an argument. Anytime I attempt to kiss or hug her she pulls away, and of course the kids see this lack of affection and disrespect. They are starting to mimmick this behaviour, and she thinks it is funny. She has never in 8 years of marriage, ever once kissed, hugged or said I love you to me without it being said to her first!
I have suggested counseling, but of course she won't go because she claims I am the problem!
I can't take it anymore. What would you do?
2007-03-08 15:45:08 · 17 answers · asked by Dadof3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way, I have already seen a counselor .... alone. He suggested talking to her more. Tried that, got me absolutely nowhere. He also suggested doing more to help her out around the house, with the kids etc. Then I told him all that I do, for her and her family, and he thought I did more than most people. She also treats my family like absolute crap!
2007-03-08 15:58:29 · update #1
Divorce her. A loveless marriage is the worst thing ever. Do it before the kids get too old.
I will give you props though...3 kids and only had sex 12 times?? That's some super sperm!!
2007-03-08 15:51:24 · answer #1 · answered by funtasticfool 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what you have said here sweetie, it does indeed look as if your marriage is over. If marriage is defined as admiration, respect, passion and trust, with lots of lovies, kindnesses and all the rest of it, you two appear not even to be a team. If she is not interested in saving it,--- and from your note, she is not ---- cut your losses, hon. There are lots of nice women out there. Your problem, of course is that you havetwo + kids, so you'll be paying child support forever. Lots of couples realize toooooo late that kids are not bonding, they are divisive, and it takes a strong marriage to survive children, even if you don't realize that both of these facts are true --- kids are divisive, and marriages, even strong ones, often don't survive them.
You asked what I would do. You are probably in your 30's or 40's, and that's a long time looking down the road to continue to stay married "for the children"....... I'd leave, hon. And then I would have no more children....
Good luck, hon.
2007-03-08 16:15:14 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to live it unhappily. 12 times in 8 years, I cant believe you havent gone insane. If she is such a horrid person dont even bother. Marriage in the first years makes a stable future but the way yours looks there is no way its gonna get better. I know children are the most important part in amarriage but if you guys keep going like that its really gonna mess them up. I think you should take time away. I was ready to throw my 5 year (1 child )relationship away, then he had to go for 2 months(military) and I realized how much I loved him. From that moment on, I changed my disgusted attitude and started treating him like my husband instead of my enemy. Maybe shell realize it, but if she doesnt Leave!
2007-03-08 15:55:46 · answer #3 · answered by JUDAS RAGE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Usually it is the other way around. When woman act this way, then she feels you have done something or things wrong. (I am not saying that you have!) Besides, children are a ton of work. Do you help her with the kids, give her a day off?! Not to mention, when pregnant it isn't easy to be in a good mood. Everything hurts, hard to sleep...and she has two little ones running around. My biggest advice is give her a SPA & shopping day. Let her know that (even though you are fed up at this moment) let her know that you love her. She will kiss you when she gets home!
Other questions for you...
Are you having financial problems? Is she always worried? It's wonderful that you haven't cheated and that you try to be affectionate...but show your affection in helping with housework, make dinner or any meal, give her some alone time while you watch your kids. Then bring up what you want to talk about.
Good luck!
2007-03-08 15:57:57 · answer #4 · answered by mich 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you still love her and have hope for a relationship with her, try a trial separation. During this time she may come to realize how important you are to her. You should also consider continuing counseling alone. While you are separated set up legal visitation and child support arrangements just in case things don't work out and you end up filing for divorce.
You can't save your marrage unless she is willing to see herself and acknowledge how her treatment is negatively affecting you and your children. A trial separation will give you the space and clarity of mind to make a decision. Good luck
2007-03-08 16:06:17 · answer #5 · answered by answergirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you can't keep going on like this. Time for some direct talking. Tell her that you won't stay in this marriage the way it is. Acknowledge that you may be causing the problems but that you are prepared to go and try to find a solution. If she won't go to counselling tell her that you will go on your own. However, leave her in no doubt that unless the counselling helps or if she doesn't try to help you save the marriage it will have to end.
2007-03-08 15:51:48 · answer #6 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would like to hear her side of the story that would only be fair don't you think? But sense I can't I can only go by what you say. I don't understand why you didn't leave her before the second child came along if she was that bad. Yes you wanted to make it work but did you really think she was going to wake up one morning and fall madly in love with you.We women don't work that way if we didn't love you from the start then we sure in hell wouldn't love you now in fact it turns to hate and that sounds like what it has turned into. There is nothing you can do but leave her.If you want to no if she has ever loved you then that is the only way.You no what they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and it really does .Try it and I bet she makes a complete turn around but don't be fooled you need to stay away for about a year .I don't mean for you to stop seeing her all together she need to stop taking you for granted. I was like your wife and my husband had enough he couldn't take it so he left me for 2 1/2 years but we started to go on dates and I would spend the night with him and the next weekend he would stay with me.I could go on and on but in the long run I fell back in love with him and he moved back home that was 10 years ago and I still love my husband like I have never before. I would do anything for him.
2007-03-08 16:12:45 · answer #7 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are saying divorce right off the bat. Well I disagree! You don't wanna give up 8 years of your life without a fight. Try a few things (counseling, talking to her about it, talking to her close friends and seeing if she has said anything about how she feels to them if she wont talk to you about it.) and if they don't work, then you can think about divorce. But you got married for a reason, and you had kids for a reason. Think about what you said in your vows when you got married! Remind your wife what you both said! It might help!
2007-03-08 16:03:41 · answer #8 · answered by Gina 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
get a divorce. I've been married for 5 years and am currently in the middle of one. we have 2 kids together. my wife also refuses counseling. I've cried and pleaded , but my soon to be ex-wife brought a good point across to me. your kids can not experience love if they don't see it around them. me and my wife are the same as you guys. we hardly talk...we never hug or kiss. we no longer sleep in the same bed. this lack of affection and love is something i don't want to teach my kids. think of your children and what you both are teaching them by letting them live in such an environment. if they don't see mommy and daddy loving each other than how can they love their siblings or better yet the two of you. if mom and dad aren't happy then how can your kids be. believe it or not it affects them. me and my wife have decided to end it now before it gets worse. why wait till someone gets fed up and cheats. better to end it in good terms i think.
2007-03-08 15:58:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you are willing to work at this marriage but your wife is not. From what you say, your wife is not willing to even address any issues. You have tried. It's time to get out of this marriage. Whilst divorce is difficult for children, it sounds as though your relationship with you wife is also damaging to them. Divorce her.
2007-03-08 16:05:37 · answer #10 · answered by Alex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋