it seems my husband and i never agree on anything. currently we are in dispute weather or not he should get a vesectemy. we have 2 kids, a boy (6) and a baby girl (8 months). i'm not thinking about having another kid, i just had one. i always thought i would have 4. over the past year we have had some serious marriage problems and now my husband is adsolutely sure he will not have any more kids. He wants me to sign for him to have a vesectomy, however...i don't feel as strongly either way, and think i shoule be sure too. i'm hopeful that our marriage will get stronger and feel that i am respecting his feelings by taking the pill and, really, have no intentions on doing anything decietful like "accidentally" have another kid. he's pressuring me to decide this month! we are in our 30's and in time we could decided differently. He says "no way, never". i just don't want to make a decision i will regret later. i want to be sure, and i'm not. how do couples get past this hurtle and agree?
2007-03-08 15:24:33 · 5 answers · asked by goodtalkin' 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh, our marriage problems almost ended in divorce. no affair or anything. mainly difficulties in relating to one another. a decision like this is really tough for to know how to do it.
2007-03-08 15:27:54 · update #1
Your statement "I'm hopeful that our marriage will get stronger" threw a red flag up for me.
You can't just be "hopeful". What are the two of you doing to make it happen?
Seems to me like this decision shouldn't be made now if there are problems in the marriage.
2007-03-08 15:34:59 · answer #1 · answered by Elt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are already having problems, keep in mind that the pill isn't 100% effective. There will always be a risk of pregnancy unless you or your husband has surgery to prevent it. Also keep in mind that he may be thinking about the cost of raising another child besides the two you already have. There are many considerations when it comes to having a larger family. It can impact your financial well being in your later years and there is no guarantee that social security will be an option of income when you are both ready to retire. He may be thinking of all of this and rightly so. I understand the misgivings that you are having about not being able to have anymore, but you do need to consider what you will be able to provide for your other two kids later on. College costs are continually rising along with living costs(food, clothing, housing, etc.). Sit down and think about all the aspects of having more kids and the impact it will have on the future of yourself, your husband and the two kids you already have and remember that the cheapest thing you have is getting them here. The expensive part is making sure you have enough money to provide housing, transportation, food, clothing, utilities, medical insurance, education, and savings for when you plan to retire. Also keep in mind that you or your husband could lose a job along the way(with the economy in the shape it's in) causing even further financial hardship. Having kids shouldn't depend on money, but to be completely realistic it does if you want them to grow up with everything that they need. If you are already in your 30's you are at a crossroad in laying back some serious savings if you plan to live as comfortable a life that you do now in your 60's. Ask your parents if you want some good advice about what you face at an older age financially.
2007-03-08 23:53:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I sure do make decisions together and i would not want or have it any other way. I feel this is very important as it keeps unity and oneness in the marriage. If he wants a vesectamy let him get one but if he does not then you be the one to get fixed or something done if you do not want more kids. This may take some compromising hon. To me if he wants a vesectamy let him get one and support him in this decision. Good luck. Also if you are having marrital problems seek help and counseling for you marriage as well.
2007-03-08 23:31:27 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to get a vasectomy, let him, if in the future you decide you want more kids, it can be reversed.
2007-03-08 23:33:10 · answer #4 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he doesn't want any more kids ever, sign the papers.
2007-03-08 23:47:49 · answer #5 · answered by KRIS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋