Set up: Two girls. One mother, one daughter. “Daughter” is running, very hard. “Mother” is standing there, making her run faster and faster. Younger appears to be very frightened by her. There is a loud pulse in the background.
Daughter:
I never know when I get to stop.
Or how long I have to go before you let me.
I can’t stop.
You can’t stop. (yells to mother)
Why am I along for this?
Did you have to take me with you? (long pause)
Maybe if I keep pushing..
Just a little longer..
Just a little farther..
I’ll fall out of it.
Or maybe…
(Girl collapses, loud screaming face on screen, then goes to silence, except for the heartbeat in the background slower and not as loud. Out of breath.)
Maybe I’ll get out of this myself.
And leave you,
Alone,
Strained,
And deserted.
Like me.
2007-03-08 14:59:29 · 9 answers · asked by Janelle 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Theater & Acting
Whats the point? What are you trying to say?
Do not treat your audience like idiots but do not treat them like they are mind readers.
You said allot and conveyed nothing.
Try writing one sentence In a piece of paper that says what your trying to say. Then show your writing to someone if they cant even come close to understanding that one sentence then you have not been very successfully.
Wither or not i like your piece or not is not relevant. Its just as of now quite unsuccessfull.
2007-03-08 15:45:55 · answer #1 · answered by magichirsh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good. I like mysterious quality of this piece. It reveals a small clue about the difficulties between mother and daughter. It makes me want to read more. It is well written.
I'm guessing screenplay, poet, novelist in your future? Right!
2007-03-08 23:08:28 · answer #2 · answered by Crystal W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've written over 20 plays (not that it necessarily means my answer is any better than any other), but I think it's excellent. I wouldn't tell you how to improve it except that I think the ending would be more interesting if we got to see the mother's action and reaction after she hears her daugher's final words.
2007-03-09 02:04:36 · answer #3 · answered by holacarinados 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is saying what? confused. Is the girl running alone or with the other girl? How is the mother standing with her while running?
Other than that I did get a good visual. antagonist is clear. just don't know who is who.
2007-03-08 23:04:19 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very artistic and good. A reaction from the mother would finish it nicely.
2007-03-09 15:43:01 · answer #5 · answered by Kam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds good.... just a little confused on the actions of the characters. It wasn't really clear to me. Other than that it was very good.
2007-03-09 10:32:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its great, very artistic. The way you described it i felt like i was there watching. keep up the good work. Jes
2007-03-08 23:02:50 · answer #7 · answered by sngbrd05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just a little confusing but not bad deary
2007-03-08 23:19:17 · answer #8 · answered by dreamerloverlibra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its classic
2007-03-08 23:02:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋