Where do I begin? I was married at the age of 19 to a man for eight years and had to kids with him. I divorced him and got remarried a year later and had a baby almost immediatley after marrying my second husband. My two kids from a previous marriage were 4 and 2 so they really didn't have a problem with the divorce between their father and I. My second husband and I have had a really rocky road. We have been separated twice and are now recently divorced. The hardest part is that we are still very much in love with each other, but the two kids from a different marriage hate him. They are 13 and 11 now. The oldest one especially because he felt that he didn't need to listen to or mind my husband because he "isn't his real dad". Anyhow I love this man and he loves me and the biggest reason for our split was because of MY children. I cannot let him go and it kills me every day. My kids are basically making me choose between them or him. It isn't fair.
2007-03-08 14:17:31 · 12 answers · asked by cc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In situations like yours, your happiness depends on you being a real parent or feeling guilty about your situation. Kids don't run family relationships unless they are put in the position of feeling they can. So, if you suffer, it's your own doing, not theirs. As long as this man treats your kids well, then you should force their hand on doing the same for your sake until they can take care of themselves. Say your prayers that you can have a real family life with both.
2007-03-08 14:25:02 · answer #1 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you are probably aware, there are lots of books and articles on this. My personal opinion, you and you husband love each other - so get back together. By letting the kids cause the end of the marriage, which they are probably fully aware of, you are just setting yourself up for bigger problems down the road, as they'll feel they can get whatever they want. If they need to go to counseling, so be it, but you can't end a true love relationship because your kids don't like him. I have a hard time believing that is the case, as they've known him so long, I think it's just normal hormonal type stuff. You don't need to give up the husband, nor the kids.
2007-03-08 14:28:52 · answer #2 · answered by J D Jr. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your rright it's not fair. However, your first priority is to your children, in my opinion. My husband and I have an agreemnt that if we divorce, we will not remarry untill our children are grown, or they approve of the marriage.
Since that is no longer possible. I would sit down with your kids and see if there is any compromise. It is possible that your children just will not budge. Your husband needs to build relationship with them, instead of laying down the law. They need to understand him and to be understood by him.
I hope you can find middle ground, but if not your children are really only in your house a few more years. Let their childhood be a happy one and then you can move on with your life.
Your husband may be able to reach compromise with them and then that could give them great strength
2007-03-08 14:28:22 · answer #3 · answered by ggirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could just date each other for a few years or until your kids let up a little. Also you should find out exactly why they hate him so much and work on that too. If he loves you and wants to be with you, he will wait for you until you resolve the situation with the kids. Your kids will let up, if you are patient and really try to find out what the problem is.
2007-03-08 14:27:04 · answer #4 · answered by TNP Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't fair your children have had to deal with your divorces either, but that's the way life goes sometimes; You should all go to counseling; a blended family is hard with little ones, let alone teenagers; your husband should not be in the disciplinary mode either, that is your job, he's not their father and they will buck you every time over that one. it's not his place; They don't really hate him either, they hate what he represents.
2007-03-08 14:23:33 · answer #5 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its hard for the kids. imagine your parents doing what your doing now. How would you feel? probably the same way. but the kids need to realize that you need to be happy and that your new husband makes you happy. and try to explain that you are too young to go the rest of your life alone.
2007-03-08 14:23:45 · answer #6 · answered by bubba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kids come first - if they dont like the man - its usually for a good reason, not because he isnt the father. besides they are going thru that stage of life - yep the teenage years where teenagers these days are quite a different kettle of fish, or maybe you all can compromise. good luck!!!
2007-03-08 14:47:30 · answer #7 · answered by boonoora 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your kids need a little bit of a wake-up call. I think that they are being a little selfish too. But there may be hidden reasons as to why they don't like him. Maybe he isn't as great as you see him.
2007-03-08 17:41:56 · answer #8 · answered by sdo3lg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are your worst enemy.
you should never have put your husband in that position. they are your kids and you should have been the one to dicipline them and left your husband out of it. the two of you should have made up the rules togeather, alone, and then you sould have been the one to inforce the rules!!!
get on track and do not make the kids the scape goats for you not doing your job right.
2007-03-08 14:45:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! That's a tough one. I'd suggest counceling for
the entire family - kids too.
2007-03-08 14:21:50 · answer #10 · answered by redman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋