My husband said tonight over a romantic dinner, mind you, that he doesn't consider what we have a marriage. He said he considers a marriage to be both of us working 9-5 after picking our son up from day care, having dinner, cleaning up the dinner mess afterward and not having to worry about the rest of the house being a mess. Well, we have an 8 month old son who's standing and walking now. And I work night shifts at the grocery store. The opposite of what he says!! So do I have any right to be hurt by him saying this?!? Cuz, he's acting like I don't like I'm overreacting!! Please help!!
2007-03-08 13:39:52 · 15 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes.
2007-03-08 13:47:37 · answer #1 · answered by coffee37man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes!!! you have all rights to be hurt. ask him what he calls what u both have, who he thinks you are in his life. i guess try getting some outside help.someone who will help you to get on the same page. plus, i dont think marriage is the manual tasks that are going on. i thought marriage is about emotional connection and your plans together. who cares who works how and who picks up the son or whether u clean up the house or kitchen or have dinner. thats just all too strange. u know what? i think he just didnt express himself properly. he doesnt mean that. he probably tried to say that how u can have a marriage,when u work in the evenings and you dont have a chance to spend time all together (the 3 of you) and have dinner together and clean together and share that time
2007-03-08 21:47:11 · answer #2 · answered by Mystery_gal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're NOT overreacting! Actually you should be at home raising your baby!
Just remember this, YOU'RE A WOMAN AND YOU HAVE THE 'UPPER HAND'. Men are just along for the ride. We can make things pleasant, sweet, peaceful and warm. Or piss us off and they can forget about all that. You do what's right for you and your baby. If he doesn't like it then HE can stay at home with the baby.
If I were you I'd get some marriage counceling.
2007-03-08 21:47:10 · answer #3 · answered by me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you're VERY hurt by what he said, and I can't say I blame you. But, chances are, he didn't say it to hurt you. He said it to express what he's feeling... (not very well, btw). He's missing you, he's wishing things were easier for you both, he's describing to you what he'd LIKE to have with you. Though he didn't say it well, his motives were probably good. It's a good thing that he feels he can be so honest with you. Make an effort to spend some time together... show him how much you love him, it sounds like he needs it!!!
Again, I don't blame you for being hurt - hearing those words had to sting. He really needs to work on his approach. :-)
2007-03-08 22:25:52 · answer #4 · answered by ~StepfordWife~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to put it nicely, your husband is a butt hole...
tell him that what you consider a marriage is a man that helps his wife with the kids and the house and doesn't treat her or talk to her like a second class citizen.
tell him if he doesn't like it he can pack the socks and find it better somewhere else! and to not forget to leave money for child support, day care ( in the evenings it is sky high) and for the bills...
when he finds out that he will be paying out the kazoo because he was a smart *** he will reconsider.
2007-03-08 22:03:35 · answer #5 · answered by KRIS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should be hurt just because of the hours you work you don't have a marriage I don't get it what a jerk maybe you could work during the day but he still should not be like that
2007-03-08 21:55:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be hurt. He's missing you, and probably has some jealousy toward the baby getting all of your daytime attention. It's normal. Be sure to show him some extra affection when he least expects it... he'll come around.
2007-03-08 21:45:09 · answer #7 · answered by dannykel1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sure you have a right to feel hurt and yes you are right. so do you feel better now? in most situations when you start playing the i am right you are wrong game all communication shut's down. once you stop talking almost every aspect in your relationship will suffer
2007-03-08 21:55:36 · answer #8 · answered by simplyme 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes you do have a right....a marriage is not a pissing contest. Life is hard and it's easier if you two work together
2007-03-08 21:45:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband is wanting perfection in his life. Well, good luck. I would be more p****d off than hurt. He is being insensitve.
2007-03-08 21:58:56 · answer #10 · answered by mrskittycat76 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is in freakin fantasy land. Tell him to get a second job and stay out of your way. lol
2007-03-08 21:45:31 · answer #11 · answered by Li 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋